Feelings for a Friend I Have History With…Does She Want Me?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Feelings for a Friend I Have History With…Does She Want Me?

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    October 10, 2019 at 5:04 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    EliteSingles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    Adult Friend Finder Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!

    KylieTea
    KylieTea
    Participant
    September 22, 2019 at 1:51 am #207351
    Feelings for a Friend I Have History With…Does She Want Me?

    I saw this girl for a month. I didn’t know she’d just gotten out of a serious relationship. She got back together with him. I was hurt, but that’s the way it goes. It’s been 3 years and I consider her a best friend now. I dated/hooked up with other girls in those 3 years. Her boy just took a job far away out of nowhere, moved out of their apartment, left her to pick up the pieces. I was there for every time she needed to cry, scream, anything. I had zero ulterior motive. Now they’re kind of together long distance, but also not. It’s complicated. She’s still in love with him and still plans on spending the rest of her life with him. But she keeps bringing up our mini-relationship and how much it meant to her. She keeps “fake” flirting with me and making jokes about us having sex. I know she needs a friend more than anything and I don’t want to intrude on whatever is still going on with her long term boyfriend. But I feel like there’s something there that she’s poking fun at on purpose.

    KylieTea
    KylieTea
    Participant
    September 22, 2019 at 1:54 am #207352

    I feel I should also mention that even if I were to say something to her about it, and even if something did happen, I know she’ll still go back to him like the first time. So I’m not imagining a relationship between us at all. Just…something a little more than friends. She’s made it clear that even when she’s stably with her boyfriend, he doesn’t mind her experimenting with girls. We’re both graduating college in May and going God knows where after that, so my feeling is whatever happens happens. I just don’t want to make it seem like I’m using her breakup(?) to my advantage, and I don’t want to lose her as a friend because she is so important to me.

    Stellarvision
    Stellarvision
    Participant
    September 23, 2019 at 9:02 pm #207413

    Oh of course. Life’s too short to not try and make the connection. Like you said you’re not trying to be possessive if she still thinks about her boyfriend, and as a hetero male I can attest to the fact that we DO NOT have a problem with the experimenting. She was even joking about the sex and that your mini-relationship meant something, so it’s green lights all the way. Are you sensing some apprehension from her? Or have you just not broached the subject yet? I’m sure you don’t need my help with that, but I’d imagine keeping it lighthearted so she doesn’t feel any pressure, reminding her that her boyfriend approves, and just letting her know that you care about her would give you the best chance of success.

    KylieTea
    KylieTea
    Participant
    September 25, 2019 at 12:47 pm #207485

    It’s not necessarily apprehension that I’m sensing, she’s just a very carefree person that makes jokes about everything all the time. There’s no apprehension because she’s so quick to joke about it. My fear is that’s all it is, a joke. And that me bringing it up seriously will totally freak her out. As far as broaching the subject, we haven’t seriously talked about “us” in that way since last March. I’d dated her best friend and she was upset about it. I asked her why she cared so much, and she said “it meant more to me than you thought it did.” She was with her boyfriend then too. Since the I never bring it up. In fact, the only reason she jokes about it as much as she does now is because someone started a rumor that I was trying to get in her pants since her boyfriend went away. Which she knows is not true, we just make the jokes to make the people who started the rumor look stupid. But sometimes the joke goes really far, and it’s hard to tell if she’s joking or flirting.

    Stellarvision
    Stellarvision
    Participant
    September 27, 2019 at 4:43 pm #207691

    So sorry for the delay. Hmmm, I didn’t even see that your first month with her was 3 years ago. So it’s been a while, but the last time you brought it up with her was about 6 months ago which is pretty recent. You’ve at least had something with her before, so it’s not new territory. Have you thought about using physical contact to subtly indicate your interest? That can often be better that just saying it outright, especially if you think it would be jarring. There’s also the method of playfully pushing back when she jokes about you and her together; like accusing her of trying to get into YOUR pants and that it’s not going to be that easy – that she’d have to take you to dinner first. You know, stupid jokes along those lines.

    The fact that she cared about you dating her friend, and pushing the jokes almost into flirting are both good signs that she wouldn’t freak out. How did you start things with her the first time?

    Single1983
    Single1983
    Participant
    September 29, 2019 at 11:57 am #207710

    If she enters any sexual or romantic situation with you she’s a cheater. Do you really want to be with a cheater? It’s wrong. Period. If you have to put this much thought into this, you already know it’s wrong. You’re just not accepting it because you’re lonely. That’s all. It’s normal. Just remember doing the right thing is never complicated, it’s just hard.

    HeatherT
    HeatherT
    Participant
    September 30, 2019 at 3:53 pm #213170

    I hope it all works out ok-but that being said, she had three years of you being around and nothing happened? You may be stuck in the friend zone?