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ConfusedConfuciusParticipantMarch 25, 2015 at 1:45 pm #75994
I have read it all. Love trumps money. Money is the #1 cause of divorce. Money can’t buy happiness. Be honest with yourself and your partners.
I love my boyfriend of 3 yrs but he doesn’t make a lot now. He is expected to graduate with a phd this year and is working on a postdoc fellowship which is roughly on average 5 years making 42K. I am happy that he is finally going to graduate but also when I first started dating him he said he was going to graduate in 1 yr. I am 30 years old, he’s 35. I worked my ass off in college (graduated in 3 yrs), got a masters, bought a condo, hold a job that makes over 100K a year, paid off all my debts, and have significant money saved for retirement. I worked hard for what I have and I expect the same from my partners. He seems to want the same thing but he isn’t there. I want the financial security but he is also a great person. I want to be married and have a family. Financially it isn’t feasible while he is in a fellowship. What should I do?
deloresParticipantMarch 25, 2015 at 5:15 pm #76034
I’m not sure what fields you’re both in, but he may never make the money that you make, and you might have to accept that you will always be the major bread-winner. If one day he could make a comparable salary, is it just a matter of spending conservatively until he finishes the fellowship (which can be done even with kids)? Maybe he can adjust his career choices so that he will make a better income? do you feel that he doesn’t work hard enough (and thus took two extra years to finish school) and might be taking advantage of you? If you feel like he’s taking advantage, it might be hard to respect him, ever. However, if he doesn’t care about the money, and you feel you’re otherwise compatible (emotionally, intellectually), maybe you have to be willing to compromise on the type of lifestyle you see for yourself. Is he willing to start a family now? I don’t know exactly how the fellowship works, but do you not trust that he will finish in the time he said?
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