Friend zone or not?

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Friend zone or not?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    April 4, 2020 at 2:42 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    Xgzax
    Xgzax
    Participant
    December 23, 2019 at 10:11 am #226946
    Friend zone or not?

    Went on a date with a girl i met online last Friday. She was pretty, nice, we were together for several hours talking. I didn’t push any romance (may have been a mistake?) but we agreed to meet again at end of the evening. Next day she text me saying she found me fascinating intellectually but didn’t feel a romantic connection and said she wanted to build a friendship. I replied thanks but i don’t want to be friends – I’ve got enough of them. She then replied that she was flattered but couldn’t commit to something on that level but really did want to build a friendship.. I replied thanks for the offer but no thanks, I can’t commit to something on that level either but if you want to date you have my number.. I thought that’d be it, but she responded saying why do there have to be conditions on ‘what we are’ and ‘you don’t know what could develop from a friendship, I’m just being honest where I stand at the moment’
    What’s a guy to do with that? It like dangling a carrot ?

    • This topic was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by Xgzax Xgzax.
    • This topic was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by Xgzax Xgzax.
    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 23, 2019 at 11:36 am #226954

    Move on!
    There is no such thing as being “exclusive friends”.
    Clearly if she thought you were “date material” she wouldn’t risk leaving you out on the “open market”.

    “..‘you don’t know what could develop from a friendship”
    It’s easier for a lover or exes to become best friends than it is for friends to become lovers!

    Odds are if you went along with her program you would simply be someone to take her out or “hang out with”.
    Essentially filling in time until she finds someone she IS attracted to and wants to hookup with.
    It’s been said a girl knows whether or not she would have sex with a guy within the first few minutes of meeting him.
    Clearly she ruled you out. I wouldn’t waste my time and money on anyone who didn’t want what I wanted.

    Thankfully she was honest with you. Next time you go on a first date limit it to 2-3 hours at most.
    {Marathon first dates} rarely lead to wanting more.
    Also make sure there’s flirtatious banter and go for a kiss!

    In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!
    Best wishes!

    herkamer63
    herkamer63
    Participant
    December 23, 2019 at 11:39 am #226957

    She may want to go out with you a few times more before anything serious happens. I understand why you want to move into a relationship like that. However, remember this old saying: Rome wasn’t built in a day. I don’t think this girl is trying to friend zone you. Instead, she probably wants to take things slow, for now. It’s not a bad idea, actually, because if this relationship doesn’t work out, you won’t get burnt nor will she. Keep your options open.

    There’s a woman I’m interested in and would love to ask her out. However, she’s seeing her ex right now and the relationship is very odd to say the least. So instead, I’m asking out a woman, that I met 2 years ago and have been friends with before she moved, this Saturday when I see her. There’s a couple of other women that seem to peek some interest in me, so later on I may ask them out as well.

    Dating isn’t about romance, but can lead up to it. Get to know her first, then decide if it’s worth getting serious with her. Good luck!

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 23, 2019 at 12:06 pm #226963

    herkamer63,

    “Dating isn’t about romance, but can lead up to it.”

    I have to disagree with that statement. Maybe (women) might feel that way.
    Truthfully (men) only ask women out on dates that they are physically/romantically attracted to.
    It’s not as if there is money burning a hole in a guy’s pocket and going out with just any woman will do.

    There’s a reason why a guy chose one woman over another to ask out.
    Any smart woman ought to know if a guy asks her out on a date it’s because he’s romantically interested in her.
    To pretend otherwise is to be naïve or manipulative. “Hanging out” is NOT dating!
    It’s a waste of time and money.

    Guys who accept “friendship” with an agenda of hoping to convert it into a relationship are wasting their time.
    The “friend zone” is for guys too cowardly to state what they want or too weak to cut their loses.
    There is NO shortage of women! You’re better of spending time with someone who IS actually interested in YOU!

    Xgzax
    Xgzax
    Participant
    December 23, 2019 at 12:14 pm #226964

    Hey, thanks for the reply.. I agree its difficult for friends to become lovers.. but her last bf she was with for a long time (they had a kid, so she is a single mother -though it didn’t bother me as much as I thought) and before that they had been friends for 7 years (I’m not waiting that long!).. She also said something about wanting a deep connection with a guy before being intimate. I know I sound like I’m talking myself into it ?.. But that’s some extra info anyway. I guess its just seems odd she only said all that once I’d told her I’m not interested in being friends, why not say straight away if there’s potential?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 26, 2019 at 10:27 pm #226995

    Believe it or not some women LOVE male attention!
    Having guys continue to worship them, treat them out to dinner and other things as “friends” is a win for them.
    Whenever the guys try pushing for anything more she can remind them she TOLD them she just wanted friendship.

    Would you allow someone to invest time and money taking you out if you weren’t romantically interested in them?
    That’s an act of cruelty on so many levels. People call a guy a dog whenever they string women along.
    The moment you know someone wants to be more than friends you’re obligated to distance yourself from them.

    It would be different if she suggested you guys casually date, became friends with benefits, or were a booty call.
    People who don’t want to get serious or have any strings attached are often open to such arrangements.
    They’re willing to be intimate without the promise of exclusivity. It doesn’t sound like she’s open to that.

    If she wants to be just friends treat her as a friend/sibling and share your dating exploits with other women.

    Lostsouldude
    Lostsouldude
    Participant
    December 27, 2019 at 2:41 am #227005

    I’d try a few more dates if she’s okay with it

    jessica3445
    jessica3445
    Participant
    December 28, 2019 at 7:03 pm #227018

    friend zone

    jessica3445
    jessica3445
    Participant
    December 28, 2019 at 7:05 pm #227019
    Reply To: Friend zone or not?

    am new here and i need a friend seriously

    JesperT
    JesperT
    Participant
    December 29, 2019 at 11:12 am #227033
    Reply To: Friend zone or not?

    I have been in similar situations like you. In my opinion, the best you can do is to move on.
    I have learned it the hard way more than once.
    A romantic rejection is perhaps the worst possible start for building a friendship.
    Quite often she will just use your romantic interest for her to get attention and feel better about herself and often use you for all kinds of things.

    Ask yourself, would you really want to be her friend and in a friendly way listen and talk about all her boyfriends and other guys she gives romantic attention to? For me that would just be totally masochistic behaviour and I will never put myself in that situation again.

    Xgzax
    Xgzax
    Participant
    December 30, 2019 at 8:22 am #227067
    Reply To: Friend zone or not?

    Hey, if she mentions other guys she’s seeing then I’d cut it off yes.. Weird situation – also think the ex is hovering in the background.

    crankyelf4
    crankyelf4
    Participant
    January 3, 2020 at 11:32 am #227244
    Reply To: Friend zone or not?

    If you’re just waiting for her to get around to loving/having sex with you, that’s not friendship. Do you really want to be that guy? Also, it sounds like she has some serious intimacy issues. She’s not going to just turn around one day and become an awesome girlfriend. She will keep throwing you mixed signals for as long as you put up with it. Does that sound fun?

    Pal
    Pal
    Participant
    January 4, 2020 at 1:40 pm #227280
    Reply To: Friend zone or not?

    sounds like friend zone. idk why ppl can’t just be up front and honest

    Lookingtoimprove
    Lookingtoimprove
    Participant
    January 5, 2020 at 2:47 pm #227291
    Reply To: Friend zone or not?

    While I can understand anyone (a man, or woman) not always wanting to rush into anything. This is something (at least to a degree) that should be talked about before a date. It’s like if someone wants to just meet as a friendly outing, ok. If it’s more of an actual date, then good. But it’s like, be clear about all this before going out somewhere so that at least you’re on the same page.

    January 8, 2020 at 3:23 am #227457
    Reply To: Friend zone or not?

    I’d move on. It sounds like the friend zone. Maybe keep in touch casually but that’s it.

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