Friend-zoned…

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Friend-zoned…

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    coveted
    coveted
    Participant
    May 21, 2014 at 4:09 am #53365
    Reply To: Friend-zoned…

    girls like guys who are distant. you should ignore her for a few days and she will come running to you! or try making her jealous by hooking up with other girls

    hawaiinlp
    hawaiinlp
    Participant
    May 21, 2014 at 7:47 am #53371
    Reply To: Friend-zoned…

    Mark, do your best to make yourself unavailable for quite some time. If you’re always around her, it loses the magic.

    Also, don’t come across as desparate.

    Good luck!

    mark12397
    mark12397
    Participant
    May 21, 2014 at 10:33 pm #53499
    Reply To: Friend-zoned…

    Y’all are all awesome for helping me out here. Here’s a pretty big update though: Yesterday we went to the pool together, drank a little bit, but not too much, just enough to get a little buzz going on, then we went back to her place, ate dinner together, and things started getting really flirty. We’ve always been a bit flirty, but not to this extent. We were wrestling, and I picked her up a few times, and yeah, just overall flirtatious rough housing and tickling. Well we ended up cuddling because of this. That’s never happened between us, but there we were, my arm around her waist, hand on her thigh, and her head on my shoulder and sometimes chest. It was absolutely amazing. And there were no awkward moments about it, we still talked and flirted, occasionally wrestling again, but each time we sat back on the couch to watch the movie my arm ended up around her, and her head on my chest.

    mark12397
    mark12397
    Participant
    May 21, 2014 at 10:35 pm #53500
    Reply To: Friend-zoned…

    And I’ve never come across desperate or given her ultimatum. She’s knows I like her, I don’t bring it up unless it somehow comes up in conversation. And I’ve been talking to other girls, in fact she knows this and knows I’ve been successful. That’s a theory of mine, that she knows I’ve been successful and is trying to hold onto me now. And Coveted, read and earlier post of mine on this thread, I tried that and, well, it worked in some sense, but it was ugly.

    mark12397
    mark12397
    Participant
    May 21, 2014 at 10:44 pm #53501

    She may be too afraid to lose you as a friend if things do not pan out in a relationship. If you are giving her an ultimatum you will be forcing her into a very uncomfortable position. Give it time, man. Make sure you go through all the stages of attraction and seduction. It can happen if she is attracted to you. Stop being a friend and start being someone she can see herself dating. It is extremely important to establish that attraction whether its physical or emotional. Feelings are important but you need to focus on changing her feelings for you. Good luck!

    I have no idea what the stages of attraction and seduction are. My whole problem here, and I guess part of the reason I’m trying to get this help from you guys, is because I desperately need help getting her attracted to me. We’re playful, flirtatious, we wrestle, tickle each other, etc. I just don’t know how to change her feelings towards me.

    brunette
    brunette
    Participant
    May 21, 2014 at 10:52 pm #53502

    it’s ok bud, hang in there. Has she given you any “signs” or little gestures, shown any slightly romantic body language? Look for these–if she’s dropping little hints, then maybe she’s nervous to be in a relationship with you. I have two friends and everyone wants them to date, but the girl has turned him down multiple times because she’s afraid that if they break up, she’ll lose him forever. It’s a weird situation but it does make sense. So be on the lookout for little hints, she might just be hesitant to mess up an already good relationship with you. Labels like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” can be a little scary…

    Good Luck though, hope it all works out 🙂

    mark12397
    mark12397
    Participant
    May 21, 2014 at 10:55 pm #53503

    it’s ok bud, hang in there. Has she given you any “signs” or little gestures, shown any slightly romantic body language? Look for these–if she’s dropping little hints, then maybe she’s nervous to be in a relationship with you. I have two friends and everyone wants them to date, but the girl has turned him down multiple times because she’s afraid that if they break up, she’ll lose him forever. It’s a weird situation but it does make sense. So be on the lookout for little hints, she might just be hesitant to mess up an already good relationship with you. Labels like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” can be a little scary…
    Good Luck though, hope it all works out

    Well like I said, we were cuddling and wrestling last night, overall flirting the entire night. And maybe it’s just me but I feel like she gives me these looks sometimes.

    Anonymous
    Anonymous
    May 22, 2014 at 10:28 pm #53614

    Hey Mark,

    I’m going to be real with you and make you aware that if this continues to go on, your chances of being in a relationship with this girl are slim to none.

    First, you have to realize YOU CAN’T make her happy. That’s a big mistake a lot of guys make when they’re infatuated by a woman, is to make them happy. A big no no, it will only end up in heartbreak. You’re not obligated to make her happy, it’s NOT your job to make her happy. Only she can only make herself happy. Period.

    Second, you need to stop pursuing and putting her up on a pedestal. Understandable you have developed immense feelings for this person and you want to do your best to have a lasting impression on her, but consistently viewing her as some sort of “goddess from the heavens” is a recipe for disaster.

    Figure out why you’d like to be in a relationship with her, and more so what it would MEAN for you two to become an official couple.

    What does a “relationship” mean to the both of you?

    katiejordannn
    katiejordannn
    Participant
    May 23, 2014 at 2:46 am #53618

    She could have a bigger reason for why she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. Try to talk to her calmly, if it’s an argument it’s less likely she’ll open up in a real way with you.

    mark12397
    mark12397
    Participant
    May 23, 2014 at 12:39 pm #53654

    I try not to put her on a pedestal but it’s just hard because of how strong the feelings are. As much as I’ll miss her, I consider myself pretty fortunate that she’ll be out of town for the next month, and I ship out of state for Army training next month for another month. We’ll spend a lot of time apart, which will give both of us time to think about what’s happening without constantly being around each other. We can revisit this issue whenever we’re reunited in August.

    As for talking to her calmly, you’re absolutely right. The only two times we’ve actually openly and in depth discussed our relationship was when I first opened up to her about it and the argument we had I described earlier. It may be wise to have a calm, in depth discussion about it before she leaves…

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