Friendship/love

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Friendship/love

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    ss2345
    ss2345
    Participant
    June 22, 2018 at 3:37 pm #177792
    Friendship/love

    I never dated before nor been in any relationship. I recently started looking for a life partner. I have many good friends among men and women. Now that I want to find a life partner, when I start to think about finding one, I get reminded of one of my good friends. We never talked about our relationship interests.We are just good colleagues, neighbors and friends, who trust each other from yrs. There are days when we talked for hours together and there are weeks/months when we didn’t even text once. Our interests and values are different in some aspects but both of us are very understanding.I respect him as a person.Recently I started thinking about him more frequently. Whatever I am doing, I am thinking about him.Am I in love?How do I stop thinking about him?Generally, I am someone who never believed in love.I am very practical&take decisions without interference from feelings.I do not know what his feelings are and I do not want to disturb our friendship.

    surjanto1
    surjanto1
    Participant
    June 25, 2018 at 11:45 pm #177920

    I’ll try to explain using my story. So I’ve know this girl sinds middle school, so that makes it now 8 years. We stayed in contact , well we actually contacted each other everyday till today. We’re 2 completely different people (different hobby’s , mindset etc). I’m a guy btw.
    We talk about everything, we even share everything together (we don’t like keeping secrets from each other. From time to time we hang out (she doesn’t like going out dancing/bar. She’s more likely to just stay home and have her own kind of fun). She once asked me if we would be a good couple (I already knew that she started to develop feelings for me). But tbh I didn’t have any feelings for her in a romantic way. So I kindly explained why we wouldn’t be a good couple (it would be unfair to her because I don’t have any feelings, it would’ve been a one sided thing). It was hard at first, but we wouldn’t want to let a long healthy friendship go to waste. Till today we’re actually best friends.

    surjanto1
    surjanto1
    Participant
    June 25, 2018 at 11:47 pm #177921

    So my advice is. Try to talk to him, don’t come on too strong. Try to find the right moment (preferably when you 2 are alone), and pop the question. Also make sure that he feels comfortable. And be prepared for any kind of answer. You don’t have to be together (as in a relationship) to have a great time. Whatever happens, don’t let your friendship go to waste.

    ss2345
    ss2345
    Participant
    June 26, 2018 at 9:28 am #177926

    Thanks a lot for the advice! But I don’t think I will dare to ask him. We will just continue being friends. Friendship and love are two different things, which I was confused about. I think I finally made up my mind.

    magic
    magic
    Participant
    June 26, 2018 at 4:18 pm #178037

    For me, a friendship between man and woman is only possible when there is no sexual attraction/tension. 🙂

    If there is a sexual attraction I deal with it. I express my desire and if she is interested we have sex. If it was only sexual tension having sex will solve it and then we can continue our friendship. If it is more than that so we might start a relationship. If she doesn’t share the same desire, may be the best to stop seeing her at all or if I can handle the sexual tension I switch to friends.