FWB with my ex but still in love

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FWB with my ex but still in love

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    ashnikk
    ashnikk
    Participant
    December 16, 2019 at 12:02 am #226584
    FWB with my ex but still in love

    Hi,

    This is kind of long and very complicated, so I hope you’re able to keep up haha.

    So, I dated this guy for three years (his sophomore year of high school/ my junior of highschool to his junior year of college/ my senior year of college). We have really grown up together. We were so in love but I ended things for his own sake. My mental health, school, work, and just growing into an adult took a toll on my mental health and his. We were also long(ish) distance this time (only an hour or two), but that never really got in the way. It of course did, but we obviously made it work.

    It’s now December and I broke up with him in April (maybe March?) of this year. We of course took some space to heal and to make our future friendship healthy (we always said we wanted to stay friends if we ever broke up because we were best friends and our relationship was based off of our friendship). We finally began talking again in October and well… we hooked up in November and have been FWB since.

    ashnikk
    ashnikk
    Participant
    December 16, 2019 at 12:03 am #226585

    He has had sex with one other girl while I have been unable to do anything with other guys and even dated her for a week, so I am also hurting over that and he knows. The thing is… I’m still in love with him. He doesn’t feel the same and is so adamant on not having feelings for me or ever getting back together, even though I’ve explained that things would be different because things have changed. And if we don’t work out in a healthy relationship this time, then we know we really are incompatible. He doesn’t know I still have feelings because I deny it everytime and hide it the best I can. I don’t want our FWB to end.
    There has been so much more but it’s way too much to type, so this is the most basic low-down I could give. Basically, how do I get him back or have him be open to thought of getting back together again? He used to be open to it and has slowly become closed off to it and believes we are done for good romantically. I just want one more chance. Or, how do I begin to move

    Kballer
    Kballer
    Participant
    December 16, 2019 at 12:40 am #226587

    For starters STOP LYING to him about your feelings. You can’t have LOVE where there is NO TRUST. How can you expect him to want to commit to you when you are telling him that you DO NOT LOVE HIM ANYMORE. You said you are denying your feelings, and hiding them.. Why would he want to commit to you when you are saying you don’t feel anything for him? I think you should just be honest with him about how you are feeling. Tell him that you are sorry for lying to him.. That you want to be with him. That you love him and respect him. Do not put any pressure on him to commit to you at this point or to be in a committed relationship. Remember YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM-and probably broke his heart. Just take things easy for now and let him see that you are committed to him. DO NOT put pressure on him though. Let him come to you on his terms. If you don’t like that-then move on. You screwed up, not him.

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by Kballer Kballer. Reason: left out a word
    ashnikk
    ashnikk
    Participant
    December 16, 2019 at 8:17 am #226586

    on? Obviously I need to stop being FWB but that’s so hard.
     
    I hope you are able to help.

    herkamer63
    herkamer63
    Participant
    December 19, 2019 at 6:49 am #226759

    The problem is that you ARE being a FWB (BTW, this is a guy typing this up). I’ve been reading a lot of posts on here about women being confused because they think they can get a guy just by sleeping with them. I’m not going to go over the junk they’re teaching nowadays in school and with pop culture, but part of my advice is get that junk, that you accepted as gospel, out of your head because that’s a big part of the cause of YOUR problems

    If you’re looking to heal yourself, you need to get out with your friends and do fun stuff that doesn’t involve you or any of them having sex. Go and travel when you can to clear your head. Keep yourself occupied with something else and you’ll feel better.

    Instead of having hook ups, go on dates with other guys. Again, don’t have sex with them. If you’re looking to get into a good, healthy relationship with a good guy, have them take you out to dinner. The last thing on a good person’s mind is sex, and they wait until after they’re married.

    herkamer63
    herkamer63
    Participant
    December 19, 2019 at 7:00 am #226760

    In order to build a good relationship, you have to talk to them first before you do ANYTHING sexual with them, and it DOES usually take a long time for that to happen. Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither is a good relationship. It would serve in you best if you find out what interests the guy you’re seeing has, other than sex.

    I’m not trying to be rude, condescending, nor condemning here. I’m really trying to help, but the problem I’m seeing here is that all you’re having are these one night stands and not actually building a REAL loving relationship.

    Love isn’t about the sex. It’s about caring, sacrificing, putting another ahead of YOU, kindness, commitment, and fellowship. Sex is simply a result of what love can bring out. Today’s frowns upon prostitution, but yet people having these one night stands or being FWB, I believe, is even worse. As sick as it may sound, at least prostitutes are paid. Do yourself a favor, and stop seeing this guy and follow my advice I posted on here.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 20, 2019 at 12:00 am #226822

    “We were so in love but I ended things for his own sake.”
    “He has had sex with one other girl…”

    “The thing is… I’m still in love with him. He doesn’t feel the same…”

    “While we are free to choose our actions we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions.”
    – Stephen R. Covey

    Let go of the idea you dumped him for (HIS) own good!
    Breaking up with someone who loves you isn’t doing (them) a favor!

    It’s only natural for someone to want to protect them self from being hurt.
    Saying you’ve “changed” isn’t going to make someone give you their heart.

    Secondly now that he’s had a taste of freedom and having sex with other women he wants to explore!
    The two of you have been tied together since high school. Most guys in their 20s aren’t looking to settle down.
    Last but not least having a FWB is a perfect scenario for a guy who wants sex and freedom to see other girls.

    At some point you have to (love yourself enough) to move on and find a mate who WANTS you!