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Arron WParticipantJune 5, 2014 at 1:11 pm #54626
We both still live at home, and recently she’s decided that she wants to move out in a few months due to her situation at home. We get along great and see each other often, healthy relationship I think.
One day she brought it up with her co-worker, who jumped on the idea saying he was in the exact same position and really got into it. Within the first few days of talking about it he has places, prices, and everything scoped out.
My GF has only known this guy for about 1.5 months. I’ve picked up a bad vibe from her talking about him to me, because it seems he warmed up to her very fast, and talk alot about emotional stuff. Many of the apartments he recommended are 1 Bed too, which bugs me. Also, he knows about me (The BF), but one day played the card of “I didnt think it was like, exclusive”.
I wouldn’t say I don’t trust my GF, I think she’s honest with me and everything, but I in general have insecurities/trust issues. I’m mostly concerned about the guy having hidden motives.
Confused AlParticipantJune 6, 2014 at 6:10 am #54654
First of all, the guy is a piece of work. Second your GF should know better. Take your GF out somewhere neutral and nicely but firmly make your point and take a stance.
(It is wrong that she is allowing this to continue. It should be up to her to tell him to back off)
If you and your GF are serious, then there should be no question that you are exclusive.
If she has a problem with this then it may be that you and her have different ideas.
Whatever you do keep your cool otherwise she may just go to the other man for a “Shoulder to cry on”, and the whole thing will backfire.
AnonymousInactiveJune 6, 2014 at 10:45 am #54668
Hi Arron W,
I just want to validate you. There is good reason for you to feel uncomfortable about this. There is enough evidence that the guy is not coming from a clear platonic space. This is making me wonder about your GF. Either she is really naive or she is enjoying the attention. Bottom line, this is making you feel very uncomfortable and I would agree that it is best that have a chat with her about how you are feeling. Here is a way to approach it so you do not come across as controlling her.
Express how you feel by prefacing it with something like this…”If you move in with this guy, this is how it will impact me. You obviously can do whatever it is that you want, but just know that it is not making me feel comfortable and there could be consequences to that….meaning, I have to be honest and say that I am not sure I can handle it. I will try and we can see what happens, but just know this is a dangerous path to go down. This MAY end up causing some challenge
AnonymousInactiveJune 6, 2014 at 10:50 am #54669
between us.” Make sure that you are VERY clear that it has nothing to do with her roommate being a “guy”, but that is has more to do with how this guy is handling it. He is being inappropriate by suggesting a 1 bedroom, not “realizing” that she is exclusive with you etc….that he is showing signs of ulterior motives….and that is what is bothering you. Request that she finds someone else. Someone she knows much better, someone who knows and respects you as well….roommates, whether male or female are major parts of our lives and it is super helpful for the significant others to get along with roommates. If she is not willing to let go of this guy as a roommate, I might suggest the next step is to all go out together. Let the guy see how she interacts with you and let her see how this new potential roommate responds to you. It will give you guys a lot more info before heading into something that could be seriously damaging! Bottom line, if she is not willing to protect
AnonymousInactiveJune 6, 2014 at 10:52 am #54670
your relationship, then I would say that you have all the information you need to make a decision from that point as to whether to continue or not in a relationship with her. We all need to compromise in relationship and I do not sense that your request is unreasonable. Even if it was, if she wishes to help you feel secure and comfortable with her, she can always find another roommate…there are a ton of places online where people are looking for roommates! Good luck!
JenniferParticipantJune 7, 2014 at 11:58 am #54735
Your girlfriend probably wants to make you jealous. One thing guys don’t seem to realize about girls is that when we do something like this, it’s because we’re acting out and want YOU to shape up and treat us better – chances are, YOU are the one she loves, but she’s not happy in the relationship. Maybe she hopes that by stirring up some drama by moving in with another guy, you will actually MAN UP, fight for her, and act like you CARE about her and her feelings – and perhaps show some more COMMITMENT to her and your relationship together. You need to take this as a sign that your GF is not happy with you, and as an opportunity for you to talk to her, listen, let her bash you, and then change your behavior to save your relationship.
JenniferParticipantJune 9, 2014 at 8:50 am #54736
By the way, I just realized that you both still live at home??? DUH, she wants YOU to ask her to move in with you!!! She’s trying to get you to SAVE her from the situation and suggest that you two MOVE IN TOGETHER!!! Geez, sometimes I can’t believe how stupid guys are, no offense. She has already HINTED BIGTIME To you that she wants you to move in with her by saying that SHE NO LONGER WANTS TO LIVE AT HOME; and since you didn’t respond, SHES MOVING IN WITH ANOTHER GUY, HOPING YOU WILL GET THE MESSAGE AND TAKE ACTION!! ACT FAST, MY MAN, OR YOU WILL LOSE THIS GIRL!!
AndreCaroParticipantJune 9, 2014 at 5:03 pm #54845
Wooow what is wrong with people Why in the world would she do that
AkillisParticipantJune 9, 2014 at 9:21 pm #54871
Lol I think it would be funny if you say ok fine move out with him I’m going to move out with a girl to
aura969ParticipantJune 10, 2014 at 10:45 am #54934
Your girlfriend seems or acts a bit naïve. It is more than clear that the guy is putting the moves on her and she is comfortable with the situation? Or she just likes the attention? I think you are reacting amazingly calm and you need to talk things through with her. Maybe you can move in with her, that would surely ease the situation. You can try and seek the advice of an astrologer on the subject of your compatibility.
AnonymousInactiveJune 11, 2014 at 2:21 am #55048
Tell her her how you feel and be honest. I would never let my significant other live with someone of the opposite sex unless it was a family member.
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