Ghosted… but it doesn't make sense

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Ghosted… but it doesn't make sense

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    January 1, 2019 at 10:16 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    tori25
    tori25
    Participant
    January 7, 2019 at 1:54 pm #192065
    Ghosted… but it doesn't make sense

    So I met a guy that I thought was amazing about a month ago. He asked me on a date and showed up at the door with flowers and took me ice skating and everything the perfect guy would do, he did. We started hanging out a lot and he asked if I wanted to watch him coach soccer so I came to the game with him and everything seemed to be going perfect. We didn’t kiss the first couple times we hung out but eventually we did and I also eventually ended up sleeping with him. Everything was still going great and he wanted me to meet all of his friends and I even slept over a couple of times and he would visit me at work on his days off. Around Christmas he traveled home and suddenly started becoming more distant and even disappeared for a couple of days, only to make lame excuses as to why. When he came home I asked to hang out and he came over and brought me a Christmas present which was a very expensive sweatshirt and sweatpants. He told me that if it didn’t fit he had the receipt and could

    tori25
    tori25
    Participant
    January 7, 2019 at 1:59 pm #192066

    get me a better size. We had sex and cuddled and talked about our Christmases and he kissed me goodbye and everything was okay. After that, he became a little distant again but I wanted to believe it was because he was busy at work. On New Years eve he disappeared for three days and had another lame excuse as to why. I wanted to give him the beneft of the doubt, although now I see all of the signs for what they were. The thing is, he continued to compliment me and ask how I was doing and genuinely seemed interested when he would talk to me. Then 3 days ago we were supposed to hang out but at the time we were supposed to get together he left my snapchat on open and never responded. I eventually texted him that I got the message that he wanted nothing to do with me and he left that message on read as well. We have not talked since. I am just confused because the morning of the last time we were supposed to hang put, he had told me he missed me. So now I’m left with a Christmas present

    incanada
    incanada
    Participant
    January 7, 2019 at 9:18 pm #192105

    Yo, if it’s only been a month of going out, and he’s giving every signal that he’s moving on, wouldn’t that be okay?

    tori25
    tori25
    Participant
    January 8, 2019 at 8:27 am #192067

    that doesn’t fit me and a broken heart, and so much regret for giving him the benefit of the doubt over and over. I just don’t understand what I did wrong

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    January 8, 2019 at 2:01 pm #192141

    After {only four weeks} of dating it is clear at least from his point of view you were not in an “exclusive relationship”.
    Just because a guy enjoys spending time with you, going out, having sex, doesn’t mean he’s not seeing other women.

    Every budding new perspective relationship has an “infatuation phase” where both people are on the (best behavior).
    No one wants to “blow it”. It is a huge mistake to emotionally invest in someone you really do not know.
    Had you been keeping your options open by dating others as he was you most likely would not feel heartbroken.
    Disappearing for days is a major clue you’re not the only one.

    It’s not so much (you) did anything wrong but rather he found another woman he felt more suited with.
    Had he truly had the mindset of a “player” he would have attempted to continue to see you both.
    However for whatever his personal reasons were he decided you were not his best option for happiness at this point.

    In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    January 8, 2019 at 2:13 pm #192144

    One other note: Don’t expect to get “closure” from anyone you spent less than a month dating.
    Even if you were told about your perceived “shortcomings” it wouldn’t make you feel better about being dumped.
    Whatever one guy did not like about you could make the next guy fall madly in love with you.

    “Some people come in our lives as blessings. Some people come in our lives as lessons.” – Mother Teresa

    The big lesson here is don’t make any assumptions or overly emotionally invest in anyone during the infatuation phase.
    Unless there has been a discussion about becoming “exclusive” you should keep your options open by dating other men.

    GreatLove44
    GreatLove44
    Participant
    January 8, 2019 at 2:29 pm #192148

    This man clearly pulled out all the stops when you guys were first dating. You guys moved really fast. He probably just wanted not to be alone during the holidays possibly. I mean he bought you an expensive gift for Christmas. I wouldn’t take it personal. Just give him some room to breath. If he misses you he will come back and explained what happened. Sometimes people get caught up in the honeymoon phase and realize your not a good match after they are seeing clearly.

    avrilrenee
    avrilrenee
    Participant
    January 17, 2019 at 4:25 pm #192881

    Dear tori25,

    I’m sorry to hear of your heartache. It took me many (not saying how many 😉 experiences like this to realize men lose interest and don’t become emotionally invested if they get all the good first. Men won’t admit this but do some research. You’ll find the men who fall madly, head over heels in love with a woman usually had to wait for sex AND they were perfectly fine with waiting because they enjoyed the woman’s company so much. Also, women are more emotionally mature than men naturally so we can trust our feelings quicker. Men need time. If having a relationship is important to you then make up your mind and allow yourself the self-respect of confidently and yet like it’s not a care in the world to you, early on that you don’t get involved with someone sexually or intimately without being in a committed relationship first. Those who don’t want the same will disappear and you’ll save yourself a whole lot of heartache, time and maybe even medical issues. Win, win!

    Bernie1990
    Bernie1990
    Participant
    January 17, 2019 at 8:55 pm #192905

    I’ve been ghosted myself in the past it’s not nice I know you feel. Also I think by the sound of it he might not be ready for a relationship maybe it was just gun and something casual he’s looking bit he should of been honest with you if that was the case! Hope things work out though for you!

    senior2k21
    senior2k21
    Participant
    January 17, 2019 at 9:21 pm #192909
    Reply To: Ghosted… but it doesn't make sense

    Maybe he found another person while he was away.