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Jeff3289ParticipantAugust 13, 2013 at 4:44 pm #37052
This is kind of a long story, so bear with me.
I met this girl early in September 2012 in a post-bachelor’s degree program we were both enrolled in. The two of us had 90% of our classes together since we were in the same boat in terms of being just out of college, and we wound up bonding, gradually getting to know eachother, and, by this past January/February, we had become friends. This was all well and good for me, since I was attracted to her the instant I saw her on the first day of class and had my attraction confirmed when she approached me, began talking to me, and started sitting next to me in our classes. Unfortunately, she had a boyfriend at the time, and so I waited things out for two whole semesters with her. After this program ended in early May of this year, I figured I wouldn’t see too much of her anymore, and since she still wasn’t single I tried to move on.
About a month later I began an internship at a company that had recently hired a classmate that had befriended me and this girl. She just so happened to be going to get with this girl the day I started interning and invited me to come along, thinking this girl would be excited to see me. I decided to go with it, the girl was surprised and happy to see me, and was also now single, though I didn’t get the details on why at the time. After reconnecting a bit at dinner and having a nice time, she pulled me aside after saying goodbye to our former classmate and told me, “I know you’re busy with work and interning, but you should call or text me sometime and we can get a drink or something.” I was naturally pretty happy about this and told her I would.
After trying to get our schedules to match up for almost a month, the two of us finally got a date set to hang out together. Nothing formal or date-like, just going out and having a few drinks. In fact, she wound up bringing a friend along, which kind of confused and annoyed me at first. The friend wound up either being sidelined by the two of us, or, as I’ve been told may have been the case, wound up serving as a “wing girl” (similar to wing man, apparently), setting up conversation lines for this girl and me and kind of observing me. At one point, shortly after the two of them went to the bathroom together, they talked about how they were both single, and this girl then turned to me and asked me if I was single, to which I gave a coy look, nodded and said yes. This, along with several other instances of flirting that night, gave me a good feeling.
Two days later she texted me, saying she was “unexpectedly free” and asking if I wanted to go grab a drink or two and hang out with her. This being the second time she approached me asking if I was interested in hanging out gave me an even better feeling about things. Flushed with confidence, I said absolutely, and after getting a text from her about how her car’s brakes were making a noise that made her nervous, I told her I’d be happy to pick her up at her place and spend time with her at a local spot. We wound up doing that, having dinner and a few drinks at a nearby bar and just talking without a break for a little over five hours. We talked about everything – college, music, career goals, past relationships, our unique senses of humor, etc. – and were surprised over and over again with how much we have in common. There was plenty of flirting back and forth and a good bit of observable body language from her that led me to believe she was interested in me. She even made it a point numerous times to remind me she had nothing going on the next day and would stay out as long as I wanted to, and how much she enjoyed “just talking about nothing and everything”. At the end of the night I dropped her off at her place, she told me she had a fun, and I told her we should do it again sometime soon. She agreed and I waited for her to get inside before heading off – I didn’t feel the time was right to go in for a kiss goodnight since we TECHNICALLY weren’t out on a date. This may have been a mistake; who knows.
A week later she came over to my place to hang out for a few hours. I had invited her over to watch some of the new season of Arrested Development, which seemed like a good, low-key way for the two of us to be alone together. Unfortunately, inviting her to my place meant inviting her to my parents’ place – we both live back at home with our folks, so she wasn’t put off by that fact. My folks, knowing she wasn’t a girl I was dating, unfortunately asked if she wanted to have Sunday dinner with us that day. I told her she didn’t have to if she didn’t want to, since she had plans to get dinner with a friend of hers later on that evening, but she said she would join us and eat a bit, probably just to be polite. After meeting my parents and talking to them over dinner, I excused the two of us so we could go off and spend time together on our own for a while more. After about an hour of watching tv a bit more, making small talk about it, and then trailing off and just talking for a while, she had to leave to meet up with her friend. I asked if she wanted to do something again later that week, and she told me she would probably and she see what her schedule looked like.
Two days later, I figured I would call her and try to solidify plans. I felt things had been going well enough with her and I wanted to see her, so I called and asked her if she wanted to grab a drink later that week. Admittedly, I was a bit nervous about calling her for some reason. Maybe it’s because in the past we had texted, and I sort of felt like I should actually call for a change. After what I thought was a pretty fumbled conversation, complete her phone dropping the call for a minute, she agreed that we could go out that Thursday. After calling her and leaving an admittedly stupid – yet topically themed from our conversations – voicemail, Thursday afternoon to try to shore up plans, she sent me a text an hour or so later saying she was “95% sure she had or was coming down with strep throat” and told me she was just going to stay in that night. I believed her, since there was no reason for me to think she would lie to me or try to blow me off at this point.
I texted her four days later, saying she should let me know when she’s feeling better so we can hang out again. No response at all to that text. I was a bit concerned at this point. I figured there was a good excuse still – she was a bit out of it from being sick and didn’t want to or forgot to respond; she had broken her phone, as she told me she had done many times before; she just plain forgot to respond, as she also told me she had a history of being forgetful at responding to texts. A week later (yesterday), I text her again. After six hours of getting no response on a day I know for a fact she doesn’t work, I sent her a Facebook message asking if she had gotten my text from earlier and if her phone was broken, as I figured that’s what the week and a half of silence was all about. About fifteen minutes later the “message seen” tag popped up, yet she didn’t give me any response whatsoever. Not one word. This pretty much confirmed what I had feared might be the case for a week – she was ignoring me.
As far as I can tell there’s no good reason for her to ignore me. We get along together super well, we have a ton in common in just about every conceivable field, and she made it a point to tell me how much she had had with me. What’s the reason for her now ignoring me? Did I come on too strong? Did I not come on and advance things with her quickly enough? I did feel like there was a great connection between the two of us for about a year, so maybe she felt that I should have pushed things more quickly, even though she had only been available recently. Maybe she was uncomfortable with having dinner with my parents, or with even meeting them? Maybe the silly voicemail asking her if we were still on for a fourth date/hangout which cut out just before the end creeped her out? I just can’t put my finger on what the deal is and why she would start ignoring me after almost a year or getting to know each other, and after it became clear how compatible we were once she was single.
Thoughts? Advice? I’m trying to figure out where to go from here…
AnonymousInactiveAugust 17, 2013 at 8:26 pm #37276
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