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proxy83ParticipantJuly 30, 2015 at 12:09 pm #83441
Hi everyone. I’ve been dating a woman for 2 years (we’re in our 40’s) and she’s become the love of my life. She once dated another man 20 years ago and told me the relationship ended because he was physically abusive. However, she explained that she was extreamly drawn to this man sexually and described him as ‘mesmerizing’. I have no issues with this, the past is the past. However, she just admitted to me that she wouldn’t ever put herself in a situation to see this man again out of fear. I assumed it was fear of more abuse, but she expressed it was the fear of possibly not controlling herself (sexually), implying cheating. I was shocked to hear that the love of my life could be influenced by another man in this way. I applaud her honesty and don’t think she would ever see this man (lives 10 hours away, hasn’t seen him in years) but hearing my girlfriend admit that she may lose control with another man has made me sick. Should I let this go or is this a major red flag?
overthinkerParticipantJuly 30, 2015 at 2:46 pm #83442
I understand it was hard to hear that and creates a fear that she might feel that way around another man as well, but you have to trust her and applaud her for the honesty. Also, if he does live 10 hours away and they are a history of abuse I don’t think you should be worried about that. Another thing to add is when women are in an abusive relationship it takes a toll on them in different ways, they could be afraid or grow deeply attached because thats what they were conditioned to do with them in fear of being hurt. I wouldn’t take anything she says about desiring him seriously, because it probably is attached to a hidden emotion.
If you are still nervous about cheating, I would just keep yourself guarded a bit and if nothing raises an alarm again let it pass.
mayu95ParticipantJuly 31, 2015 at 2:07 pm #83459
I honestly think it is a very good sign that she told you all about it. The most important thing in a relationship is that she will be loyal to you even if she is attracted to other men (which most women will be at some point).
lamonfnParticipantJuly 31, 2015 at 3:37 pm #83463
I guess you have to admire her honesty but it’s kind of over-sharing in my opinion. If you’ve been together for 2 years why are you even still talking about her ex.
Sort of sounds like she’s trying to rile you for some reason and doubt that she would be too pleased if you had shared a similar feeling with her!
jessicaParticipantAugust 1, 2015 at 2:25 am #83477
it was hard to hear that and creates a fear that she might feel that way around another man as well, but you have to trust her and applaud her for the honesty.
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