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bsheelsParticipantJune 9, 2014 at 1:03 pm #54815
I am a 42 year-old male who is in an open relationship and just the other day I met a woman who I had a strong attraction to. I asked if I could treat her to a coffee one day and she said “no” but then when I asked if I could give her my #, she said “yes” and she made sure I had her number too. My questions:
1) We don’t know anything about one another so what should I say or text in the first call or text? Should I ask for a date straight away or try to call/text a few times first?
2) Should I mention the open relationship I’m in during our first phone conversation, during the first date, or should I just say nothing about it until she asks me about my status? I don’t want to appear presumptuous but also don’t want her to feel like I’m trying to hide anything.
3) My intentions are to have an open relationship with her starting off but I am not interested in a platonic friendship. Should I state these intentions in the first call, text, first date, or later?
NionthrieParticipantJune 9, 2014 at 2:47 pm #54822
Hi, this will depend on the context in which you met her. If it was to do with Business then she may only have given her number based on wanting to have you as a contact so a date of any personal description may never have been on the cards. However, if this you met in more casual surroundings then you may be able to use that as a starter for your conversation – i.e. if you met at a certain place then you can use a less cheesy version of the line ‘do you come here often’ or if you met at an event then maybe you could think of that as something that you have in common to create an easy start to a conversation.
I would definitely say to text a few times before you call and definitely before you ask her on a date. You can usually get the jist of a person’s intentions from the manor and speed in which they reply. Keep it casual, though. I wouldn’t mention the relationship status to begin with but maybe if the time is right via a phone call or on a date.
thirdly, no, just see how it go
AnonymousJune 9, 2014 at 10:49 pm #54882
Hi bsheels! I am going to suggest to be honest right from the beginning. It’s just safer that way. If I met a guy and he connects with me, I am assuming he is single and interested in dating, not in an open relationship. It would irritate me if he decided to connect and get to know me for a bit and gets me out on a date and THEN decides to tell me he is in an open relationship. It would feel like he was trying to hook me first before telling me his status and I would walk away feeling quite irritated. I personally do not participate in that design, so had I been told from the beginning, I would have completely appreciated the honesty and walked away without the irritation and feeling like I wasted my time. Open relationships are not the norm. It’s a very specific design that only certain kinds of people are really okay in participating with. So honesty is MOST important, from the beginning to make sure she is okay with it. If she is, then GREAT! Move forward being on the
AnonymousJune 9, 2014 at 10:50 pm #54883
same exact page. If she is not into that kind of thing, then go your separate ways. No time or connection is being spent on something that is not even possible.
aura969ParticipantJune 10, 2014 at 10:34 am #54930
Depends how old she is, her level of education, her past experience, her current status. If you are both middle-aged, you should quit the texting –that’s for teenagers. You are a grown up, I am assuming she is too, so you need to call her and ask her for a drink and there, face to face, start obsessing over what will be. She is interested, otherwise she wouldn’t have given you her number, but she plays it cool and slow. As far as the open relationship thing, you should mention it when you feel is the right moment. There isn’t a timeframe in which you should do this or do that. You need to be yourself and let things go natural. Have you ever tried talking to an astrologer about your compatibility with women and what type of female is best suited for you?
And1SParticipantJune 14, 2014 at 4:07 pm #55358
Send her a text like “hey this is ___, hope you’re doing well”. If you remember a topic you talked about with her then try to tie that into the opening text as well. After that just take it kind of slow and don’t put her on the defensive from the start. Give her a chance to get to know you and then you can start getting a feel for if she is interested in an open relationship or not before you drop it on her.
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