Guys help me out here I'm sooo confused!!

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Guys help me out here I'm sooo confused!!

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    Alexa199013
    Alexa199013
    Participant
    October 19, 2018 at 5:31 am #187493
    Guys help me out here I'm sooo confused!!

    Hi I met a guy at our local pub and we seemed to hit it off right away. He walked me home which I thought was very gentleman like and we kissed ok so maybe too quick I know I should know better. He asked for my number so I gave it to him, hesitantly, as he is only 23 and I am 28. He text me right away like 10 mins after he left me with some general chat and then said we should go out sometime. I made it clear right off the bat that he was probably too young for me and I was looking for something more serious now. He said he was looking to settle down himself now as he had had a few crazy ex-girlfriends and wanted something more stable. I was still hesitant and kept it cool so he continued to chase me with lots of texts and asking me out. I finally agreed a few days later and went for a few drinks, we had a nice time and ended up staying out really late and going back to mine and fooling around on the sofa again I know I should know better.

    Alexa199013
    Alexa199013
    Participant
    October 19, 2018 at 5:36 am #187494

    Continued… everything seemed ok and normal however I got ill so we couldn’t do the traditional go out for a date which he wanted to do so he came round with some food instead which again I took to be a nice gesture but maybe I am wrong.. we slept together that night.. I know I know bad move taking it sooo quick but he insisted he wasn’t looking for a fling and wanted to be serious. Things progressed as normal we said we would catch up soon with me being ill.. he continued to text to check on me etc etc. I then asked him to come round for dinner one night after work as I love to cook. He was totally up for this but then cancelled last minute with a stupid excuse and seemed to be very cold with me.. not trying to rearrange and see me later that evening etc. it was like he just wanted to blow me off full stop. So me being me I just told him if he had lost interest that was fine but I would rather he just say than cancel last minute. He said he was sorry it seemed that way.

    Alexa199013
    Alexa199013
    Participant
    October 19, 2018 at 8:53 am #187495

    And again… It wasn’t what he wanted and he would transfer me the money I had spent on the food etc.. (Seriously that part was just weird!!). I said it was fine and I didn’t hear anything back from him for a few weeks until he text to say he wanted to let me know he was sorry and hoped I was doing good. I said it was fine and if you don’t like someone that way you just don’t but that I hoped it was ok too. He then went onto keep asking me out again and asked if I missed him etc etc and again wanted to bring food around. I told him I wasn’t going to be his late night booty call girl and that I know I didn’t give him the best impression last time which was totally my bad but that’s not what I want as I was looking for something serious. He said he was not expecting me to be and said he enjoyed what we had going on but would rather us just take it slow. I agreed but he just doesn’t seem that interested.. he does text back and continue the conversation if I text him.

    Alexa199013
    Alexa199013
    Participant
    October 19, 2018 at 8:53 am #187496

    and again (sorry for the rant) but other than that he doesn’t seem to make much effort.. I know it is probably obvious and he is just a little shit talking bullshit to get sex but I don’t know why he contacted me again and wanted to go out again when I made it clear I wasn’t interested in a casual thing.. Guys help me out here.. Am I just overthinking it or should I listen to my gut as I hate games??? Sorry for the novel by the way haha

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    October 19, 2018 at 10:37 am #187539

    Never have sex unless YOU want to. That way you won’t have any regrets because you did what you wanted.
    There is no such thing as kissing or having sex too quickly if someone is genuinely (into) you.
    On the other hand if someone is a jerk it won’t matter if you sex on the first date or the 100th date.

    I’m not sure if this guy is playing games or if his age and gender are playing a part.
    Very few guys in their early 20s are looking to “settle down” or get married.
    Secondly men tend to allow “casual dating” to EVOLVE into serious relationships over time.

    Some women are looking for “instant commitment” or “exclusivity” with guys they have spent little time with.
    Why commit yourself to someone you barely know? You should be keeping your options open for now.
    If you were job hunting would you send your resume to (one company) and wait around to see if they would hire you?
    You should be dating multiple guys to avoid overly investing in one. Only have sex when YOU want.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    October 19, 2018 at 10:46 am #187540

    Once you determine a guy passes your mate selection/screening process and “must haves list” then have “the talk”.
    You really don’t want to be one of those people walking around saying: “I’m ready to get married.” and don’t have a boyfriend!

    Wanting to get married should be based upon feeling as though you’re in a relationship with the love of your life.
    It is because of that “special person” you’re with that is causing you to have thoughts about marriage.
    Otherwise you’re just someone {chasing after a marital status} in search of a prop!

    Dating + Courtship+ Getting to know someone over time + Falling in love are the usual steps towards marriage.

    Stating you’re looking for “something serious” without taking the time to get to know someone first makes little sense.
    George Clooney said he’d never get married again but found himself engaged after 6 months of dating Amal. Why???
    The {special person} you’re with should be the reason why you suddenly want to get married!

    Alexa199013
    Alexa199013
    Participant
    October 19, 2018 at 3:18 pm #187568

    Thanks for the reply I appreciate your take on it and I like the part about women wanting instant commitment and men liking to start casual and take it from there.. definitely something I’ll take on board for next time thanks. Firstly obviously I wouldn’t have slept with him if I didnt want to but I’ve always had the old wive’s tale of “give the milk away for free and noone will buy the cow” in the back of my mind and I know some guys are put off if a girl jumps into bed right away so I thought that may be something to do with the way things have gone. Secondly I wasn’t proposing marriage by the 4th date or anyhing I just thought it best with him being younger to lay my cards on the table to try and avoid him delliberately wasting my time if he just wanted sex when I dont my defence mechanism I suppose but I dont know I personally think its easier to just be upfront at the start. Anyway I am an adult so if things dont work out I get it and can move on but with him coming back and then

    Alexa199013
    Alexa199013
    Participant
    October 19, 2018 at 3:20 pm #187570

    and then acting cold with me I kind of feel like its a game with him but again I could just be overthinking it.. Thanks for the input though

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    October 19, 2018 at 5:56 pm #187579

    duh… HE’S NOT the weird one.. YOu are.
    you keep saying “you’re nnot interested” – but then end up agreeing on everything when he keeps coming after you (all the way to sleeping with him).

    and you’re confused why he doesn’t try hard but keeps coming? DUH! Because he knows you’ll keep giving in.

    I think it’s YOU who needs to figure it out. If you arne’t intersted – then stop responding and seeing him. If you want to see him, then stop telling him you don’t want to see him! Pure and simple.

    Alexa199013
    Alexa199013
    Participant
    October 20, 2018 at 4:36 am #187580
    Reply To: Guys help me out here I'm sooo confused!!

    But I did stop telling him I wasn’t interested after we went out and I thought we were moving forward.. that’s why I asked him to dinner.. that’s when he flaked and went old cold on me and stopped contact. It’s kind of like he was only interested when I played hard to get and when I said I was interested and wanted to see him he wasn’t bothered..