Had the move-in talk…didn't go that well


Had the move-in talk…didn't go that well

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    May 24, 2016 at 5:46 pm #101240
    Had the move-in talk…didn't go that well

    I have been in a relationship with a man for around 10 months now. We are quite serious and things are going great. About a month ago, I brought up moving in with my boyfriend (he has his own place). The “talk” didn’t go as well as I thought it would. He basically said that we needed to be around each-other more and that we weren’t ready for it yet. Then he suggested that I stay overnight more often and bring clothes and stuff over to “try it out”. I know his reasons are logical, but a part of me can’t help but feel hurt that he didn’t feel the same way about it. I live with my parents right now (not by choice). Was living on my own then I got cut hours at work and my salary dropped 40%. I started my own company for extra $ and am now back on my feet. I would move into my own place but my dad just got laid off and I would feel bad paying rent to a stranger. I feel like a nomad going back and forth. It’s exhausting. I wonder if he will ever be ready for me to move in? Help!

    May 24, 2016 at 10:39 pm #101280

    While I don’t personally think that 10 months is too early to move in together, you have still been together for less than a year. He may be waiting to hit that “year milestone” before he feels the two of you are ready to live together. As long as things are great between you otherwise, I wouldn’t take it too personally. I’ve dated someone who wanted us to move in together but was held back by being extremely worried about finances, and afraid he wouldn’t be able to support me if I needed it. If you haven’t already, I would tell him how you feel and ask why he doesn’t feel you two are ready. If he still is hesitant, I would try to wait until you have been together a year and try bringing it up again, and in the meantime, do as he suggested and stay over more at his place. If he is still hesitant after that then it might be time to talk about whether you too want the same thing in this relationship. Good luck 🙂

    May 25, 2016 at 12:52 pm #101317

    Thanks for the advice. He told me that he didn’t think we were ready because we aren’t around each other enough to see if we can stand each other. He also said that he wanted to see if our routines matched up as his ex and him had problems. For example, she liked to go to bed early and he is a night owl and she couldn’t sleep without him (weird I know). Yes I think I will continue to stay over more at his house. Last week I literally was around him for a week solid (aside from work) and we didn’t have a single fight. I think the “one year” mark is what I was thinking of as well for the next point at which to bring it up again. Thanks!