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blondie4546ParticipantJune 21, 2016 at 8:39 am #103754
I’ve been dating a lovely guy for 5 months.
He’s exactly what I need – reliable, honest, I feel so happy and relaxed with him.
We were cuddling in bed on Saturday & I said I loved him. He just said ‘silly person’ but didn’t stop cuddling me all night.
I messaged him the next day to say I hadn’t said it to make him say it back to me but just because he meant so much to me that I felt I’d burst if I didn’t say it. He didn’t reply but has been messaging me more than normal since, just chatty stuff which is usual for us.
So I haven’t blown it at least, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m a bit disappointed that he didn’t say it back. He’s not one for talking about emotions and feelings and I get the feeling that maybe he’s been badly hurt before?
Should I just get used to his actions speaking louder than words? He’s an amazing guy and makes me so happy in every other way that I can’t help thinking I’d do best just to not dwell on it, but could do with some reassurance
Louie97ParticipantJune 21, 2016 at 12:08 pm #103764
mhmm..you could be right about him getting hurt before. that is probably the reason why he may be waiting for the right time to say it.
missOpera1993ParticipantJune 21, 2016 at 5:35 pm #103800
I don’t know about you, but I take the “l” word very seriously. I only say it to someone that I can see myself spending the rest of my life with. I think that if he was scared then he wouldn’t have continued contact. I mean, I’ve done this to many guys. They drop the “l” bomb, I freak out, and run away. OR I just continue to let the relationship grow until I feel that I need to say it. However, if it bothers you a lot, just communicate with him about it. You never know. 🙂
skigirl87ParticipantJune 22, 2016 at 12:35 pm #103844
It may be he just needs more time and is looking for the right time to say it
park59788ParticipantJune 23, 2016 at 12:35 am #103914
I think he’s looking for the right time to say it. Maybe he didn’t know how to respond and it was just kind of out of no where?
AnonymousInactiveJune 23, 2016 at 2:37 pm #103942
RED FLAG here!!!! He is everything you need but he is not one to talk about emotions and feelings??? Yikes!!! How in the world do you expect to go through life with a partner who doesn’t communicate what he’s feelings OR deal with your feelings??? It’s a crucial part of the relationship and telling him you loved him for the first time is a big test and he is showing up with a big fat “F.” You are vulnerable and tell him something really serious and he flicks you off by calling you a “silly girl????” Wow! Yuk! His discomfort with his emotions and feelings means any emotions and feeling you have will also be buried and ignored, like he does to himself. Sounds like he has some big walls up and you have some serious heartbreak ahead when you smash yourself right into those big fat walls that won’t let you in very far. Personally, I would have immediately said something. I would have asked, “does that make you feel uncomfortable? Why am I a silly girl for saying that?
AnonymousInactiveJune 23, 2016 at 2:47 pm #103943
I might have just observed it by saying “that’s an interesting response to me telling you I love you. What’s that about? It felt like you just patted me on the head like I was saying something really childish.” I’m not concerned that he didn’t say it back as everyone has their own timing and reasons. I’m VERY concerned about his response. So…if you really want to know what his real feelings were about what you said…you gotta ask him. I always teach people that you never really, truly know someone until you have seen them under stress. If he is uncomfortable with his emotions, asking him about it will create stress for him. This is not about why he didn’t say it back, this is about him dismissing your feelings and why. If he talks about it HONESTLY, then awesome! If he tries to dismiss your feelings again, then you are in for some rough times ahead if you choose to stay. Are you sure you want to be with an emotionally unavailable guy? It’s not for you to fix! That’s his job!
AriumblaqParticipantJune 23, 2016 at 8:55 pm #103973
the fact that he called you “Silly” would kinda embarrass me. Even if he wasn’t ready to say it.. that response.. sheesh.
bethanywantsadviceParticipantJune 24, 2016 at 2:44 pm #104031
Definitely a red flag. If he can’t talk out the important things or confront his feelings, then maybe it’s the wrong relationship.
Confused888ParticipantJune 25, 2016 at 1:37 pm #104068
I honestly respect him for not not saying it, that means WHEN he does you know that’s what he is really feeing on his heart. You never want to hear those words because of an obligation, so he might just need to say it on his own time.
MisteryPrincessParticipantJune 26, 2016 at 3:41 am #104092
I suggest stay patient because he might be waiting for the right moment to say it
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