HE IS TERRIFIED OF DATING

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HE IS TERRIFIED OF DATING

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    Loveunicorn
    Loveunicorn
    Participant
    December 18, 2017 at 8:12 pm #160414
    HE IS TERRIFIED OF DATING

    Hello guys!

    So there is this guy, we live together in a house with other 3 housemates and I accidentally caught feelings for him after sleeping together.

    I told him about this but he said he is terrified of dating because of what girls have done to him in the past (and I know this isn’t bullshit) also he has a lot of problems at home and to be honest he has a bit of depression too and isn’t in the right mindset.

    I just don’t know what to do I want him to trust me that I won’t hurt him.Should I wait for him or move on? I want to wait for him but I don’t know how to help him or the situation!

    Please help me guys!

    Much love

    Loveunicorn
    Loveunicorn
    Participant
    December 19, 2017 at 5:29 am #160418

    Hello again,

    Thank you so much for helping me! I have actually stopped sleeping with him as soon as I realized I had feelings and told him. Because I spend a lot of time with him he does let me in on things that are bothering him when I see that he’s not well.

    This all happened back in September by the way, we were sexting all summer and then as soon as I got back it happened. He does sleep with other girls for the sake of having sex which obviously doesn’t make me feel comfortable but he is honest about it. I try to be there for him as in when he was ill I took care of him, sometimes he asks me to wake him up, we sometimes spend all night watching tv series, we go shopping together all the time, we always cook dinner and have dinner together and all these little things. I just wanted to know if I was doing the right thing, as in should I make him miss me a bit? or should I keep being there for him all the time? isn’t he going to friendzone me?

    Loveunicorn
    Loveunicorn
    Participant
    December 19, 2017 at 9:26 am #160419

    At the end of the day all I want is his happiness, but if his happiness could be with me I would be thrilled.

    Much Love,

    obrady9
    obrady9
    Participant
    December 23, 2017 at 2:20 am #160901

    Ok first sleeping around is unhealthy for anyone’s mind. Regardless of what society is teaching you, every time you have sex you release a bonding hormone called oxitocin. So it’s just a fact that you are creating emotional ties with those you sleep with. So first I’d wait for the one worth forming that bond with. And second a lot of men voice all kinds of partial honesty’s, aka lies to promote their goal. If you were right for him he wouldn’t need multiple sex partners. So when that one comes along you and your bond will be dropped like a hot potato creating issues that will most likely send you into a tailspin. Protect your heart and move onto something that’s special for both of you.

    tayriley
    tayriley
    Participant
    December 24, 2017 at 8:48 pm #160957

    he already told you everything you need to know. the only reason you are on this forum asking these questions is because you didn’t like his answer. leave this guy alone. keep him as a friend. move the f-ck on. trust me, anything else will lead to enormous heartbreak. yes, u can convince him you are a great girl that wont break his heart, and maybe make him begrudgingly get into a relationship. but guess what??? hE NEVER WANTED IT. he will only resent you for it, and start blaming you anytime anything goes wrong.
    on another note- dating someone with depression is no joke- this is not something to take lightly. in the beginning, it seems really great because a new relationship will cover up the depressive symptoms…but this only last a few weeks. after that, all his issues of depression, insecurity, self-hatred, anger…will then become yOUR issues. trust me, i have been there- it is nO FUN. like a previous commenter said, u are only into him because of the oxytocin. (cont..)

    tayriley
    tayriley
    Participant
    December 24, 2017 at 8:49 pm #160958

    dont sleep with him anymore, go on some dates, go out with girlfriends, find a new hobby. seriously. it is really for the best. he needs to work through his sh-t before getting with anyone. whoever he gets with now, he will only hurt them.

    Downdowndown
    Downdowndown
    Participant
    December 25, 2017 at 3:11 am #160967

    If he said hes got problems i think you should respect that because if you push him, he will easily let go of you. At this stage you do not have a relationship with him as yet except that you caught feelings after you slept with him. A person with previous bad experiences or loss, is not easily convinced to start a new relationship unless he/she heals first. If you really love Himm, give him space but let him know that you have feelings for him but don’t push him to feel the same