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Lipstick_xxParticipantAugust 14, 2017 at 9:04 pm #145479
I’ve recently started dating this guy and things are going great – we have so much in common.
I went back to his place after a date and we started to have sex. He then wanted to stop half way through and go back to watching a movie. I thought it odd, but went along with it, and sex never came up again.
We then spent a whole weekend together, and though he initiated sex on the first night, he wanted to stop again after 5 mins because he was tired. We didn’t have sex again over the course of two days.I tried to initiate but twice he made an excuse
I love spending time with him, but it’s more like having a friend that dating someone. I’ve bought it up and he’s reassured me that he’s attracted to me, etc, but I consider sex a big part of a relationship.
There is a 13 year age gap between us (he is 39, I’m 26). I wonder if he is insecure or self-conscious about it but I don’t like to bring it up. On both occasions that we’ve had sex he’s refused to take his shirt off…
newbieWithDatingParticipantAugust 14, 2017 at 9:44 pm #145481
I think he is self-conscious about himself. Best way to approach this situation would be just asking him and tell him that whatever the reason be you respect that. Maybe he want to wait. So, just ask.
eriefairyParticipantAugust 15, 2017 at 1:04 am #145498
I once had a similar situation with a guy who ended up being my long term boyfriend eventually. His issue was he couldn’t maintain an erection for as long as he wanted to, due to medication he was taking. He was also under a lot of stress and was self conscious about how he would perform in the bedroom. So initially when we started being intimate, he would end the sex very suddenly when we had only just began or we’d start getting into it and he’d put the brakes on. I took it personally at first, until I talked to him and he opened up about his insecurities. I think a conversation needs to happen and hopefully he opens up to you. I would try saying something like…”I really enjoy spending time with you, you’re ______ (sweet, funny, easy to talk to, etc.). I am also very attracted to you. I’ve noticed that it when we start to become intimate, you either don’t let it go anywhere or you stop when we are just getting started. I am curious if you could explain to me why that is?”
JohnJaz30ParticipantAugust 16, 2017 at 5:41 am #145651
Looks like he has an issue sexually. Whatever it is, you need to have a serious conversation with him. Once he opened up and tell you the real issue, you can then decide if you want to work it out together or move on. But let this drag on. I had a similar experience and thought that with time, things would change. We never talked about it. After a few years, I decided to break up. Talk to him and then make the best decision based on the facts. Good luck.
albridgeParticipantAugust 17, 2017 at 3:32 am #145832
Men tend to have anxiety issues when it comes to sex like lots of the others here commented it could be an anxiety issue but the best way to get started on getting to the bottom of this is to have a talk with him on this issue and then take it from there
richiroParticipantAugust 18, 2017 at 2:55 pm #146102
yes he’s self-conscious about something – his performance abiliteis or how he looks.
So your job isn’t to “talk about it” – that only accentuates it and highlihghts it and makes him more insecure.
Your job is to maek him feel sexy and initiate intimacy with him without i having to go all the way to sex. What this does is let him know you find him sexy, think of him in a sexual way, even if you DON’T have sex. That just being around him makes you horny and think of sex – even if you DON’T have sex.
What that messages to him is – you are with him b/c he makes you want to be with him. It’s not about performance, looks, great sex, etc. Its about how he maeks you feel just being there and with you no matter what.
At some point he’ll get more confident (especially if you keep pushing the envelope further to show him you want it… whether he’s ready or not.. and your’e ready.. whenever he is) without putting pressure on him. And at some point he’ll… scuse the expreession, dive in
jzdjzdParticipantAugust 19, 2017 at 8:05 am #146153
I agree with Richiro about making him feel confident-that is really important! But, there’s still an important role for talking about feelings and experiences too. We are adults, not children, so need to be able to speak openly about our experiences.
betsy boodlesParticipantAugust 19, 2017 at 2:39 pm #146163
There may be deeper issues at hand, is he self conscious about his body? Is he stressed or depressed? I’d get to know him better and like others have said let him know why your attracted to him and rub his ego a little. The fact he tried obviously shows he wants to do it but something is holding him back.
Good luck 🙂
John334ParticipantAugust 19, 2017 at 6:54 pm #146171
Best way to deal with this situation is to approach him and ask him if he could share/reveal his reasons. You won’t lose anything by asking but make sure you’re polite and not passive offensive..
badluckloveParticipantAugust 23, 2017 at 2:23 pm #146678
Definitely talk about it, it could be he has a sexual disfunction. You shouldn’t blame yourself, but communication is key.
ada3ParticipantAugust 23, 2017 at 11:28 pm #146771
Talk to him that’s what works communication is key.
kingtravel193ParticipantAugust 24, 2017 at 3:53 am #146777
I agree with Richiro about making him feel confident – that is really important! But, still has an important role to play in terms of emotion and experience too. We are adults, not children, so we need to be able to talk openly about our experiences.
DarthVaderParticipantSeptember 6, 2017 at 8:52 am #148129
Thats a very very negative sign
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