• Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    June 6, 2019 at 3:52 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    EliteSingles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!

    December 9, 2012 at 9:20 pm #18444

    I dated a girl named Sarah for close to 5 years. About 2 weeks ago she broke up with me, via a letter sent by email, which I found out was pre-written before the incident that I believed was what caused her to write it.

    Early on in the relationship, before I even asked her to date me. I cheated on her with my ex-girlfriend. A very confusing time to say the least. Eventually my ex sent her some texts saying what was going and all hell broke loose. Eventually though, I did win Sarah back, but by lying.

    Now at this point, Sarah and I were very close and full of love for each other.

    As time went on, Sarah obviously had trust issues and we had some fights. Leading to her wanting to break up. I won her back on a few occasions.

    Like the biggest idiot in the world, and I claim insanity on this. I began cheating on her again with my ex-girlfriend. This was going on here and there for about a year or so and meant absolutely nothing to, except just to get my nuts off.

    Eventually the cat was let out of the bag, by someone who had gotten a hold of some messages between me and my ex and sent them to Sarah.

    Shit storm ensued and a very long and strange summer came about. (summer 2011)

    We eventually got back together, because this girl is absolutely the fucking best (Sarah.)

    Let me also mention that there has been a strain on the relationship for about 3 years, because of my working in retail and trying to make my way up the chain there. I’ve spent countless hours at work, instead of going to concerts, vacations and the like with Sarah.

    Now, fast forward to 2 weeks ago. We have a really great night and we end up in bed, I’m holding her in my arms while we watch breaking bad. When the show ends, we get under the covers and face each other. I expressed that I feel weird when we’re close (mistake). She expressed that she has no desire to have sex with me or in general. We end up sleeping on opposite sides of the bed facing each other.

    The next day, I get home from work. Ready to call her and let her know that I love her and I don’t want this to get in the way of us having a close, loving and healthy relationship. But, as expected, I get an break up email.

    This break up email explains to me that she is unhappy with me, because we are in different places in too many ways. She wants something different from what she did when we were first dating. She also throws in the cheating.

    The problem is I believe that, even though my life has taking some turns for the worst, mostly working too much, becoming someone who i didn’t want to be and who i really am not …I believe on the outside we are different people, but on the inside (regarding me) we are more similar that she thinks or see.


    About a week ago, I contact Sarah to see if the ticket for show that we were going to go to were still open. Maybe she would still want me to go? She replied with “is this a joke?”. Then a few days later, she randomly texts me and says there are tickets on twitter and that she’s going with some other girl. Thus, leaving me to go by myself. So, I go home and twitter search for these tickets. I let the girl who sarah is going with, know that I am doing this and then urges Sarah to let me go in her place. Sarah lets me go with her, but expresses that she’s not completely okay with this.

    We go and have a great time (a couple of days ago.) A little awkward at first, but we really did enjoy ourselves. We get back to my place and talk in the car about the break up. Eventually, after inviting her to sleep over several times (because of how late it was), she say she might as well just go in and sleep over, because of how late it was. So we continue talking in my room on my bed, and we eventually get to a point where we can’t talk anymore because of the fact that it was 4am. I sleep on the floor while she sleeps on my bed.

    She woke up, got ready to go to her classes. I walked her to my front door and said that we can continue the talk at our convenience. I also said “bye sarah” (she likes hearing me say her name), to which she turned, looked me in the eyes and gave me a subtle smile.

    Now, today I texted her and asked if I could call her to see how she was. She gave me a curt answer. So i texted to ask if i could only talk to her for a few minutes and if she didn’t want to talk to me, then to just say so. She replied that she thought it wasn’t a good idea, and that she knew what i was trying to do and didn’t want to have it.

    I told her I was sorry and that there is no handbook for this.

    She said “it’s okay. I don’t know. Lets just not right now.”

    I let her know that if she ever wants to talk, that she is welcome to contact me.


    I love this girl with all my being, but I’ve screwed up by cheating on her, not expressing my love to her fully and growing apart from her instead of growing with her. Obviously there are more subtleties to the story that I didn’t mention in the frantic mess of a story.

    I need some help on many levels, but I need some help now from people who have experience in this. I want to get her back and I’ll wait as long as I have to. If I ever get this girl back, I will love her in every way she wants and needs, grow with her and focus on building a solid and intimate relationship with her.

    I fear though that she may never return, she is very adamant about getting over me and the relationship. This scares the living shit out of me and I wish there was something I can do to change her mind, like I’ve done before. She seems so sure she doesn’t want to be with me and I don’t blame her, because I’ve changed in a not good way.


    December 10, 2012 at 12:51 pm #18501

    Oh. My God.

    Look, she has every right to walk–no RUN– away from you (and your ex). Leave this poor girl alone. She has done nothing wrong but let you tear up her heart from the get go. You must be a clever guy to persuade her every time to come back. You’re not being fair whatsoever.

    Let’s put it this way. Why don’t you see it pretending Sarah is your daughter. A beautiful young woman who has a lot of things going for her but she keeps dating a dead beat bf who consistently cheats on her and begs for forgiveness–How would you feel if your precious little girl was suffering emotionally with someone like that?

    You’re not taking her feelings into perspective and you’re trampling over her confused mind. You’ve had the upper hand for so long and now that she’s finally taking a stand, you’re scared. Let her latest silence scream to your biggest fears, because buddy you don’t deserve her.

    You’ll find someone later on down the road but you really need to let her go-as difficult as it may be in your twisted mind. You and Sarah obviously don’t work together. She has a lot of emotional and soon-to-be psychological damage bc of what you keep tormenting her through. Cut off communication, delete any social media accounts and detach yourself. Rip off this band aid asap. Find friends that will restrain you from speaking to her and resist with all your power to ever speak to her until she truly forgives you.

    December 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm #18738

    Yea, you two should probably stop seeing each other. Doesn’t sound healthy at all.

    December 13, 2012 at 9:12 pm #18788

    You have quite a mess going on there.

    There are 2 things I would suggest for you.
    1. Figure out why you keep cheating. You claim you want a loving, solid and trusting relationship, but if you look at your history, that is not something you are able to sustain. When you figure out what INSIDE OF YOU is causing you to sabotage everything you want, then you work on those issues…then and only then will you be able to have what you want. Sarah is smart to stay away from you. I’m sure you both have an amazing connection, but love her enough to know that you are not ready to offer her what she so deserves. Once you get your shit together, then maybe you guys can give it another go.
    2. She is not the end all be all. I question your fear. You say it scares the living shit out of you if you don’t get her back. Why? If you don’t know that you can be ok without her, then I suggest you figure out the source of that as well. It sounds like you are really dependent upon her choosing you, in order for you to be happy. This is not a good foundation for a healthy, sustainable relationship. It sounds like you need to do some serious soul searching and transforming yourself in order to create the kind of relationship you so crave. You can have anything you want, but before you get to have that kind of relationship, you have to be every single quality FIRST before you will be able to handle a relationship of that quality. BE QUALITY TO GET QUALITY.

    You can do it! Go fight for this kind of relationship by fighting to be a healthier version of yourself first!

    December 14, 2012 at 5:23 pm #18896

    I agree with Heidi!

    December 16, 2012 at 8:23 pm #18908

    time for you guys to move on a find someone else