He's Hot and Cold?

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He's Hot and Cold?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    Jokkun
    Jokkun
    Participant
    April 18, 2018 at 6:54 pm #171033
    He's Hot and Cold?

    I’ve been dating a guy. He told me early on he has Borderline Personality Disorder and depression. Ok, fine. I have my own issues, no biggie. Everything started off fine. He was very forthcoming very early on and very affectionate. We took a trip to his home town (neither of us live in our hometowns anymore) and it was great. He was very open, sexual and we talked at length about our sexual compatibility, life goals, etc. Eventually, we decided that when I move to a new place (currently back home with a sick mother at the moment), he would move in with me. We took a trip to my hometown on Friday and spent the night with my sister Saturday. I had planned to introduce him to a few friends, but midway through Saturday he asked to go home and said he was exhausted. He said he just needed a day to recharge. I was a little taken aback, but I didn’t make it known. We traveled back home and I dropped him off. The next day, he was very distant (continue in par 2)

    • This topic was modified 3 months, 4 weeks ago by Jokkun Jokkun.
    Jokkun
    Jokkun
    Participant
    April 18, 2018 at 6:58 pm #171034

    He wouldn’t even open my snaps for hours (Our communication method), but I could tell from the snap GPS thing that he was opening other snaps and talking to people frequently. That night he better, but he still hasn’t “gone back” to being the same as he was at the beginning. I still feel a wall up now. Another thing he does is that he sends flirty snaps (half buttoned shirts/cute faces) to guys he used to talk to on snapchat (“friends”) and fishes for compliments, but he will get offended if they go overboard or send a nude, etc. He even goes out of his way to tell me when they do. I had a conversation with him about it and he said he’d stop and that it was just innocent attention-seeking.

    Anyways, today he had a visit with his therapist, and he tells me he needs to slow down a bit and we don’t need to move in together yet. That he still loves me and wants to be with me, we just need to take it slower. I… honestly don’t know how to process this. He goes from hot one minute to

    Jokkun
    Jokkun
    Participant
    April 18, 2018 at 6:59 pm #171035

    literally cold the next. Another thing is I flirted with him yesterday and mentioned something sexual (that we had discussed when we took our trip to his hometown) and he completely revulsed almost. He said sex made him uncomfortable and he could only have sex intoxicated. Since when???? We were sober our entire trip and every time beforehand. I’m unsure if it’s the BPD or what, but I’m kinda getting whiplash from it. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation or have an advice to offer? I do love him, I just don’t understand the sudden changes.

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 4 weeks ago by Jokkun Jokkun.
    • This reply was modified 3 months, 4 weeks ago by Jokkun Jokkun.
    Maria19
    Maria19
    Participant
    April 19, 2018 at 10:30 am #171068

    When you have Borderline Personality Disorder and depression, it is very normal to experience that type of change in behavior, the thing is if you are willing emotionally to handle those changes, because the other person is not aware of their actions due to the personality disorder, they do not do it intensonally, my advice is that both of you go to therapy, to see if the therapist can help you find methods to handle his mood swings, if you can not tolerate these changes then it is better that you do not continue dating, cause its going to bee emotionaly draining for you.

    Biggie
    Biggie
    Participant
    April 20, 2018 at 2:27 pm #171259

    It seems to me his playing with you to see how much you’ll let him get away with, and your allowing it to go on. Keep this in the back of your mind also out of a mouth comes anything but when they show you they want you in there life is something else .Than you know it’s real and not a bunch of words that don’t mean nothing.

    Biggie
    Biggie
    Participant
    April 20, 2018 at 3:14 pm #171280

    And one more thing for you to thank about and you also aply this to everyday life as well. If you have more bad days than good ones it’s time for you cut ties and move on ,but if your good day come more than them bad days do hold on to it and not let it go. For if you let go of it you could spend weeks, months, years and than again you may never find whatever it was you where hold on to again. So pick and chose wisely when it comes to who you allow into your life or the people that’s already in your life and that is my words of wisdom to you take care and I hope you find your true happyness when it’s time for you to

    danidom
    danidom
    Participant
    May 5, 2018 at 10:47 pm #172304

    Biggie I think I agree with you he is playing around with ur feelings

    mah001
    mah001
    Participant
    May 6, 2018 at 10:27 pm #172321

    Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) stems from a lot of issues. He may have a history of abandonment, sexual trauma, or fear of commitment. He may feel he is getting too close to you and now he is pulling away. Sex, is a trigger and a man’s way of expressing/feeling intimacy so he wants to pull away from it or have it while drunk to lessen the meaning and significance. When dealing with BPD person it’s like your walking on egg shells because you never know what to say or do and you have to be careful what you say and do. BPD individuals need a lot of patience and understanding. As everyone else is basically saying, your going to have to really search within yourself and ask does the benefits exceed the cost, how much time am I willing to invest in this relationship?

    Sphyrch
    Sphyrch
    Participant
    May 8, 2018 at 5:26 am #172489

    I agree with biggie. He may like playing “games”. From his perspective he may think its fun to keep you guessing. That’s just one possibility though!