How (And When) to Approach the Monogamy Conversation?

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How (And When) to Approach the Monogamy Conversation?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    futurewendla
    futurewendla
    Participant
    August 22, 2014 at 7:19 pm #59879
    How (And When) to Approach the Monogamy Conversation?

    Hey! So here goes. There’s a bit of backstory here, so I apologize.

    I met a guy on an online dating site; originally it said he was only looking for new friends and casual sex – the latter of which I’m not interested in – but he and I really hit it off. As may be expected, I was afraid he only wanted me for sex to begin with as he was very handsy (though he always stopped when I told him to) and tended to make a lot of euphemisms and allusions to sex, but after spending more time with him and seeing his level of commitment to the plans we make, I’m starting to trust his word.

    Anyway, we’ve gone on a few dates now, all of them just several days apart, one on top of the other. It’s very exciting for me as usually by this point, I’m absolutely bored. Problem is, he wants to go further and I’m not comfortable sleeping with people I’m not exclusively dating. How do I bring up the fact that I want to be his girlfriend before we go all the way without scaring him off?
    annette
    annette
    Participant
    August 23, 2014 at 11:43 am #59884

    Actually, can I be brutally honest. He did tell you what he was looking for, he was up front with his intentions. So the only way to guarantee on your end that he won’t end things is if you give up on your morals. Or best case scenario he wants to put a label on this without sex which would be amazing.

    However, that’s not where his head is at. So just ask him. Something like this:
    “Hey XX, we’ve been having a great time and I enjoy being with you. I’m interested in taking this further however, in the past I’ve only had sex with someone I’m in a relationship.”

    That’s the gist of it at least.

    If not having sex outside of a relationship is important enough to you, and if he’s worth anything as a human being that has feelings for you, he should respect that. However this is a good litmus test for the rest of your relationship. It’s all about compromise. If he is truly interested, he will wait for you!

    answer mine? https://www.datingadvice.com/forum/topic/on-again-off-again
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