How can an rational man actually comprehend online dating?

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How can an rational man actually comprehend online dating?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    doesntmatter
    doesntmatter
    Participant
    March 17, 2019 at 1:28 pm #196913
    How can an rational man actually comprehend online dating?

    I’m a man, 38, from Philly. I’m not generalizing, I’m sharing the subset of the reality which I’m experiencing.
    – Women in their 30’s who list their education as “some college” and their work as “some job”, ignore me. I make $200K+ a year and graduated from the Ivy League and have an MBA. Does that matter to them? Never does.
    – They have group shots of 3 women and I have to play “guess who?”
    – I used to spend 10 minutes a profile, crafting an intelligent, witty message. Kevin Hart could write it, it won’t matter. They ignore me.
    – I don’t even look at profiles anymore, I just message them generically, “match” with them, etc. They won’t reply anyway, why should I dig further?
    – I have an average face and body. Doesn’t matter that I have 18 inch solid muscle biceps and bodybuilder calves, no one cares.

    Are men really so useless in today’s online dating scene? Tell me how I’m wrong, please! I want to restore my faith in this, but it’s getting more difficult after every attempt.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 17, 2019 at 3:59 pm #196927

    With an “average face and body” You have a couple of options;
    Online dating is about image. If someone doesn’t think a person is “cute/hot” they usually skip their profile.
    Women in their 30s and younger still dream of having the “fairytale” a dashing prince or handsome knight.
    Older women are tired of dealing with “pretty boy” players or competing with a bevy of women for their attention.

    You can expand your search to women 40 and over and be open to different races/cultures.
    Not too many guys would mind going out with a women who looked like Jennifer Lopez or Halle Berry.
    They’re both in the 50 year age range. These days there are a lot of hot looking women 40+ in age.
    Make dating about having FUN and see where things go.

    Consider switching sites after doing some research. EliteSingles claims to have 82% of users with degrees.
    eharmony claims to be for serious daters or join Meetup single groups.
    If you want young “gold diggers” consider “sugar baby” sites or hit nightclubs with CA$H.

    Louie1959
    Louie1959
    Participant
    March 17, 2019 at 6:33 pm #196939

    Hi Doesn’t Matter:

    Your experience is unfortunately typical. There is probably nothing wrong with you at all. In a previous age you would have been very desirable. If you’re concerned about your pictures you can test them out at photofeeler or hot or not. The truth is online dating is really for hookups and most of the women (just like most of the men) just want to get laid.

    Despite what the dating companies say, there really aren’t that many people on them anymore. Just go to Alexa and look at the traffic ranks for the various online companies. Unlike 12 years ago there are now thousands of online dating sites. The pool of daters is smaller and spread out among all those dating sites.

    Also most of those dating sites probably have serious software bugs. You don’t even know if your messages are getting through If a real woman that is reading them.

    My suggestion is that you watch Duana Welch’s YouTube video “Where Are You? The Science of Finding Love Online & Elsewhere”.

    GreatLove44
    GreatLove44
    Participant
    March 17, 2019 at 7:13 pm #196942

    I feel your pain. I’ve online dated for a year and just gave up. Too many men just want to hook up online. Not many like you who actually want a relationship. A lot of folks don’t even bother to reply if they don’t think your “the one”. Better luck in real life.

    frankt
    frankt
    Participant
    March 17, 2019 at 8:23 pm #196948

    The dating sites rely on repeat customers renewing their memberships to make money.

    Failure = renewing your membership = site making money

    There must be a lot of failures because the dating sites are flourishing.

    Mother nature meant for coupling to happen offline.

    • This reply was modified 3 months ago by frankt frankt.
    doesntmatter
    doesntmatter
    Participant
    March 18, 2019 at 8:53 am #196932

    You hit the nail straight up on the head. Exactly, women in the 30s and younger have their relationship perspectives created out of fiction. Problem is, I want a family, I want children, and by the time the “hehe, haha” phase is over, I’m looking at at least 2 years of dragging, thousands lost on restaurants, gifts and vacations, with no indication of what’s going to happen. By then, I’m sorry to say, the biology will work against them even further, and it may even be too late to have a child with them. And my biology as well, I don’t want to be the old man in the park walking the stroller. These things take 5 years to materialize, easy, and I just don’t have that kind of time to lose anymore. Any suggestions?

    doesntmatter
    doesntmatter
    Participant
    March 18, 2019 at 8:53 am #196940

    Thanks Louie. I’ve tried EliteSingles, eHarmony, Match, it’s the same old story. I don’t even get the time of day from anyone. What I don’t get is, why are women who are “happy with being single and unwilling to settle” stubborn enough to die alone like a dog in a junkyard, instead of admitting that this current dating experiment of this millennium is all garbage, and that men and women have it in their nature to want each other? I’ll watch that video, thanks.

    Louie1959
    Louie1959
    Participant
    March 18, 2019 at 8:53 am #196941

    There is the analysis by Christian Rudder, founder of OkCupid called “Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating” of eHarmony. He analyzed the subscription rates by dividing the subscription income, as declared on quarterly 10Q’s, by the most probably subscription rate of subscribers to determine who could actually respond to messages. The result of the analysis?

    96.25% of the profiles are dead!

    It’s posted at OkTrends and the exact title for Googling is “Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating”. My own experience with eHarmony was that it is dead. I finally quit after being catfished.

    doesntmatter
    doesntmatter
    Participant
    March 18, 2019 at 8:53 am #196943

    I hear you bro. I think that even if I drop 5 stacks on a matchmaker, the start will be hugs and smiles but at the end, they don’t guarantee any results, they won’t have anyone available with my preferences, and they’ll just pocket the cash at the end without recourse.
    In real life, the woman seem to be on a mission in their own heads, on their phones, marching their way down the street, and not looking to do anything.
    Other ideas?

    doesntmatter
    doesntmatter
    Participant
    March 18, 2019 at 8:53 am #196950

    Agreed, dating websites are complete garbage.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 24, 2019 at 2:26 pm #197512
    Reply To: How can an rational man actually comprehend online dating?

    I wouldn’t go as far as to say online dating sites are complete garbage.
    I met my wife online and we have been together for 12 years.

    Match once advertised 1 in 5 weddings take place between couples who met online.
    It’s important to keep in mind that’s the same thing as saying: “Eighty percent of married people met offline!”

    Ultimately it’s not about (how) you meet but rather (who) you meet that counts.
    Too often people join a website and it becomes the only way they pursue finding a mate.
    They ignore everyday possibilities of meeting people while standing in line at coffee shops or other activities.

    Secondly the purpose of an online dating site is to give you access to meet NEW people.

    Essentially anyone who meets someone new and goes out on a date has had “success” with the site.
    The rest is up to the two individuals to conduct their own mate selection/screening process.
    If I paid a cover charge to get into a club and got no dances I can’t say the club is garbage.
    That’s just “sour grapes” on my part.

    montana1965
    montana1965
    Participant
    March 25, 2019 at 12:02 pm #197565
    Reply To: How can an rational man actually comprehend online dating?

    Its not you unfortunately their are a lot of 30 something vein women out their I cant really speak to that because I am 53 just know its not you at all

    montana1965
    montana1965
    Participant
    March 25, 2019 at 12:02 pm #197566
    Reply To: How can an rational man actually comprehend online dating?

    unfortunately online it seems to be the new norm way to meet people
    I wouldn’t say they are garbage their are good people out their don’t let the bad one ruin it for you

    wesblake
    wesblake
    Participant
    April 10, 2019 at 1:08 pm #198459
    Reply To: How can an rational man actually comprehend online dating?

    I’ve been running into these same issues. And for me all avenues are important. Have a lot to offer but I’m INFP male, I usually “choke” when it comes to real life (which sucks because once anyone gets to know me I have been known to be very friendly and talk a lot! I open up easy). To top it off, after 15 years with the mother of my 2 children (but not my last relationship, it’s been 4-5 years) I’m left with a few close friends, none single, and only 40% of my time (alone which sucks! I have 60% custody, had 75, long story). My friends always say the same thing, it’ll happen when you least expect it, just hang out and you’ll meet someone. Umm…. If I have a few non-single friends, none with single friends either, and only get few opportunities to “hang out”, how’s that going to just happen? So, if some sites work, my biggest issue right now is at how expensive they are, which one is most worth me dropping my money on? I’m on Tinder and Bumble but only getting a date a month at best.