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MoltoxcatParticipantJune 14, 2014 at 7:48 pm #55364
Hi, everyone, thank you for spending your time to help me.
I am 29 years old guy and trying to date a girl in my lab (she is 26). We got into the lab in the same year and I had a crush on her on the first day. But I know she has a boyfriend and feel it’s not correct to interrupt their relationship. Recently, I hear that she breaks up with that guy and looks for a new one. So I invited her to watch a movie with me last weekend. We have a dinner together and I feel the aura is still good. She knows I like collecting vinyl records and tells me that she will go to the record store with me next time and buy a record for me as a return. Due to the cultural differences (I am Chinese from China and she is American Hispanic) and my pathetic limited dating experience, (Yes, I spent most of my time in study), I don’t know how to tell whether she is also interested on me or not. Also, I am really afraid of losing her. So what should I do in the next step?
AnonymousInactiveJune 15, 2014 at 12:17 am #55368
hello! My first suggestion is to just take a breathe and relax a bit. You are afraid of losing something you are not even sure you have yet. Fear can mess all kinds of things up. So the first thing I usually help people with when they are dating, is how to deal with loss. If you have a really good handle on being okay to be rejected, the fear of rejection won’t control you. When fear is present in a situation, it’s very hard to see everything clearly. For example, this fear of losing her is clouding your mind from the truth that you hardly know her. You have been on 1 date. It takes a lot longer than that to get to know someone, the good and the not so good side of them, to really make sure they match you well. So first and foremost, don’t be willing to hand over your heart to her without knowing that she can even take care of it very well! Although you do not have a ton of experience dating, this is how it happens. You just walk through each experience NOT ATTACHED to the
AnonymousInactiveJune 15, 2014 at 12:24 am #55369
end result, but truly just enjoying and learning during the process of it. I get that you like her AND she is not better than you. You are acting like you would be sooooo lucky if she chose you and that’s it. Well…..where are you thinking the other half of that??? that she would be sooooooo lucky if you chose her??? Do not put her on a pedestal. She is just as human as the rest of us, with all kinds of lame as things going on in her mind. So stop worrying about if you will lose her or if she even likes you. Just be you…time spent together will reveal all the answers you need. The point is to just have fun the process and learn! Let go of the stress about all of it and realize these are great moments to learn about yourself, what works and what doesn’t work, what you like and don’t like and facing all the fears that come up. She, as well as most women, will appreciate that much more! You will come across as much more confident!!!! Good luck!
hmrwilliamsParticipantJune 21, 2014 at 6:50 pm #55857
I would suggest not coming on too strong, but you definitely want to talk to her. If you beat around the bush too much she may get the idea that YOU aren’t into HER. This may lead her to getting another boyfriend which would be horrible for you. Don’t panic and let her know that you care for her. Good luck!
YoungenParticipantJune 22, 2014 at 11:05 pm #55893
Press on brother. It might be too early to tell but if you hesitate you could very well end up losing her. Carpe Diem!
MoltoxcatParticipantJune 23, 2014 at 11:01 pm #56009
Thanks all my friends. Yours suggestions are really helpful.
I plan to slow down the pace a little bit. But I will find a proper time to let her know my feeling for her.
Appreciate it again 🙂
sierrapiiParticipantJune 28, 2014 at 10:27 am #56547
Talk to her more! Don’t be afraid to make it clear that you’re interested in her, if you’re upfront and she seems to like you, there’s no way she would say no. Make sure you are clear with your intentions that you want to be more than friends though, or she may get the wrong impression.
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