How do I handle this hurtful and confusing ghosting / fading situation?

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How do I handle this hurtful and confusing ghosting / fading situation?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    August 8, 2019 at 10:38 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    fpson37
    fpson37
    Participant
    June 10, 2019 at 8:07 pm #201823
    How do I handle this hurtful and confusing ghosting / fading situation?

    I’ve been dating a woman for 4 months. I’m 33 and she’s 30. I thought everything was going great. We talk every day, initiated by both of us, and never had a fight.

    About a month ago she flaked on me two times in two days. She seemed genuinely sorry she had to cancel, so I figured stuff happens. However, she never rescheduled these plans.

    After she flaked I didn’t reach out to her. She texted me a few days later confused why we weren’t talking. I took this as a good sign because I figured she wouldn’t have reached out if she wasn’t interested. We continued our daily texts exchanges.

    Once again, we made plans and she canceled. Again, she was “so sorry.” She apparently forgot she had plans. She even told me she’d much rather see me than do the other plans. Kind of confusing.

    It’s now been 2+ weeks and despite texting everyday I’m pretty sure I’m getting slowly faded. I believe that people make time for things/people that care about.

    fpson37
    fpson37
    Participant
    June 10, 2019 at 8:07 pm #201824

    We live in the same city so it shouldn’t be a problem to get together. Also, actions speak louder than words. If you are really sorry about cancelling plans or would rather see me than your other plans why not make it happen?

    I am confused, sad and really unsure of what to do. At this point I think it’s best to leave it be and not contact her. Any advance is appreciated. thanks in advance.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    June 14, 2019 at 1:10 pm #202119

    “I’ve been dating a woman for 4 months.”
    Generally speaking two people who have been dating for 4 months are saying they’re “in love” with each other.

    How are you defining (dating)?
    Are the two of you in a committed/monogamous/exclusive relationship?
    In other words in the 4 months you have been together did the two of you ever have “the talk”?

    If the answer is (no) then what you have is a “situationship”.
    This is an undefined relationship whereby you’re not labeling each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.
    Translation meaning: Both of you are FREE to keep your options open by dating other people.

    A very common mistake people make these days especially those who meet online is (assuming) they’re a couple.
    In some instances the person they think they are in a relationship with still has an active online dating profile!
    That should be a major clue that this person doesn’t believe they have found “the one” yet!

    My advice would be for you to ALSO keep your options open. Date others!

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    June 14, 2019 at 1:18 pm #202120

    It makes no sense to ACT like you’re in an exclusive relationship when there has been no meeting of the minds.
    When you put all of your focus on one person you become emotionally invested too quickly.

    The best thing you can do since you’re clearly are NOT a “couple” is to date multiple women for now.
    Eventually you will meet someone where {both of you} feel like you want the same things.

    “If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.” – Anonymous

    “Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde