How do I know I'm not in the friend-zone?

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How do I know I'm not in the friend-zone?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    T.J
    T.J
    Participant
    March 18, 2018 at 1:42 pm #167658
    How do I know I'm not in the friend-zone?

    Hey, everyone! I come to bother you all about the well-known “friend-zone” problem. What can I do to make her understand that I’d like to be more than a friend to her? Here’s my story:

    I know this girl from high school, I had a crush on her since then. But back then I was a fat guy and lacking the guts to let her know in any way what I feel about her. We were good friends, though (if this is what got me stuck in the F-Z). High-school came to an end, we both went on our own ways and 5 years later she dropped a message on Facebook on my birthday telling that we should get together since we haven’t spoken to each other all this time. I agreed, she named a coffee shop we could go. But before that happened, I gave her a lift with my car to our hometown (we live in the same city, btw). She had fun while in my presence (both whilst driving 2 hours and at the coffee shop). Being a gentleman, I made sure she would do most of the talking: asked her about her life, her family etc. (continued…)

    T.J
    T.J
    Participant
    March 18, 2018 at 1:54 pm #167659

    (…continued) We did have a good time, she was laughing a lot, we shared memories from high-school, all that matters. After everything was done, I paid the bill and I gave her a ride home. Before dropping her to her place, I suggested we should do this again soon, to which she agreed immediately. We hugged and she left. Later I sent her a text about the “date” we had and said she was fine with everything. Also said she’d pay the next bill and made me promise not to do anything funny about it (like me paying, again). Some text messages followed a few days later, she responds almost immediately to them (there were moments when she did reply later, probably “busy”). All this time I just try my best not to look desperate and also reply with a few minutes break between.
    A few days later, we get together once more. I suggested we should go shoot some pool, to which she agreed. But before this, she texted me if I could come and help her move her stuff to a new flat. Needless to say, I did.

    T.J
    T.J
    Participant
    March 19, 2018 at 8:55 am #167660

    I helped her carry her stuff to the new apartment, all went well. After that, she suggested we should go grab something to eat, as she didn’t have anything the entire day. So we went for dinner (instead of pool). At the restaurant, we also had a good time, I made sure she was laughing and all that, but she was sat right next to my left arm, at the corner of the table, not that close to me. I had a few attempts on touching her, she had no problem with that. We did have a lot of eye contact, but not too long (under 3s). We talked about some TV series we were watching, what’s so interesting about them, I made sure to tell her she looked well, despite moving her stuff to the new apartment, complimented her “evolution” as a person from what she was in high-school. All in all, it was fun.But I couldn’t go in for a kiss because of your positions at the table. Anyway, as promised, I let her pay the bill. We got up and left. It was snowing outside and I held her by her waist under my umbrella…

    T.J
    T.J
    Participant
    March 19, 2018 at 8:55 am #167661

    Right after that, we went for dinner (instead of pool). So we got there, had a good time, I made sure she was laughing and all that (including asking her more personal stuff). She had no problem answering them, we shared more memories from high school. All this time, she was sat next to my left arm, at the corner of the table, but not too close anyway. I had a few attempts on touching her knee and arms while talking and she did not pull back. Because of our positions, I couldn’t go for a kiss, she also gave no sign or expecting anything. After we finished our meals, the convo kinda went blank from there. She paid, we got up and left. It was snowing outside, so I got her backpack, held her by her waist close to me and under my umbrella. She seemed ok with this. I drove her home and dropped right in front of her block. We hugged and also she didn’t give any signs of expecting a kiss. She went in and that’s it. Later I texted her asking if she had fun and said everything went well.

    T.J
    T.J
    Participant
    March 19, 2018 at 8:55 am #167663

    Long story short, because of the way we were sat at the table, I couldn’t go for a kiss. But she was ok with me touching her arm and knee while talking (in a non-desperate way). We finished our meals, she paid as promised and we left. It was snowing outside, so I grabbed her backpack and then her waist, held her close to me under my umbrella and walked her to my car. I drove her home, I noticed she enjoyed most of the music that I have on a USB stick. Anyway, I drop her off at her place and again, I didn’t have the guts to go for a kiss in fear of creating an awkward moment as she gave me hug and that’s it. She wasn’t expecting anything else from me.
    What can I do in such case to let her know I’m interested in being more than a friend? Please keep in mind that she talks with a lot of boys (in a “friendly way”, for what I know, though I could be wrong LOL)
    Any advice is welcomed. Thanks

    Doomsy
    Doomsy
    Participant
    March 19, 2018 at 8:55 am #167677

    I reckon she definitely likes you. Continue to hang out and read her signs.

    jason8898
    jason8898
    Participant
    March 20, 2018 at 4:15 pm #167941

    Try to make a move I guess?

    Jayster
    Jayster
    Participant
    March 21, 2018 at 11:44 pm #168082

    It definitely sounds like there is potential in the situation. My advice would be to keep talking to her and trying to make time for her.

    mr.evans
    mr.evans
    Participant
    March 31, 2018 at 4:43 am #169230

    1) The girl discusses with you girlfriends, and maybe even guys.
    2) She does not introduce you to her friends, but she does not mind meeting your friends.
    3) She does not give herself to kiss anywhere except the cheek.
    4) Calls you only when you need it. She herself reluctantly comes to the rescue.
    5) You catch her looks at the other guys.
    6) You have never talked about the relationship between you.
    7) Uses you as a vest for tears.
    8) If you are lucky and you had sex with her, then this sex was exclusively on drunk and on a sober head never repeated.

    I think so….

    anonymouspsy
    anonymouspsy
    Participant
    March 31, 2018 at 1:32 pm #169233
    Reply To: How do I know I'm not in the friend-zone?

    You need to be straightforward and tell her how you feel.

    sparkle1317
    sparkle1317
    Participant
    March 31, 2018 at 6:02 pm #169236
    Reply To: How do I know I'm not in the friend-zone?

    You will kno based on her behavior

    Cubrazol
    Cubrazol
    Participant
    April 1, 2018 at 10:18 am #169247
    Reply To: How do I know I'm not in the friend-zone?

    Dont talk to her like a friend. Show your intention.