How do you date someone that doesnt stimulate your mind?

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How do you date someone that doesnt stimulate your mind?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    October 10, 2018 at 8:27 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    Andrelecoz
    Andrelecoz
    Participant
    August 14, 2018 at 9:59 pm #181608
    How do you date someone that doesnt stimulate your mind?

    In my relationships, i have received love from partners and given love to them, but in all the while, they have rarely shown the capacity to engage and push back with intelligent and insightful criticism or words of wisdom. While in these relationships i soon discover boredom simply because i cant engage with them in deep meaningful conversations because they don’t want or cant think to form abstract or critical thoughts about the subject that would advance it in further depth and insight. As a result of this, for now, i have come to terms that i wont achieve genuine excitement in love with anyone because of this lack of engagement. And so the only option is to remove the expectation i have of them in this capacity and look to love purely for emotional and physical needs. So to those men and women who regard themselves as thinkers whom do need mental stimulation but not from their partners, how have you remove that need from them and are still fulfilled by them?

    BradmC456916
    BradmC456916
    Participant
    August 15, 2018 at 4:56 am #181610

    You dont….

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    August 15, 2018 at 10:16 am #181648

    Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
    Each of us has our own mate selection/screening process and “must haves list”.
    Each of us has our boundaries and “deal breakers”.

    If you go to the grocery store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead whose fault is that?
    Do you curse the onion for not being an apple? No!
    You learn to become a “better shopper”.

    Apparently you are either not (really attracted) to the kind of people you say you want to be with or your screening process needs work. The only other possibility is {there are no people} capable of “stimulating (your) mind”. This is highly unlikely.
    A mate or spouse should not be an “acquired taste”.

    People “settle” for the best available option they believe they have based upon (the effort they’re willing to expend).
    The goal is to find someone who (already is) the kind of person you want for a mate. With persistence comes success.
    Compatibility trumps compromise!

    Coach_Michael21
    Coach_Michael21
    Participant
    August 15, 2018 at 2:46 pm #181680

    Where have you gone and what actions have you taken in the past to meet these men who don’t satisfy your intellectual needs? Look to see if there are patterns there. If there are, you may want to change those patterns and try something different. If you keep doing the same things again and again, you will most likely end up with the same results. How to change this?

    Think about the exact type of man you want who is the “ideal” partner:

    – How does this person think? What about his mind and his ability to engage you would turn you on intellectually and emotionally? Write it down.
    – Next, step into this person’s mind. Where would they go? Where would they spend their free time? What types of people would they have in their circles?
    – Once you’ve figured that out, go to where they are and start meeting them!

    Coach_Michael21
    Coach_Michael21
    Participant
    August 15, 2018 at 2:52 pm #181681

    Remember also…… you attract what you are. If you are continuously attracting people who are wrong for you, then you may need to change a few things about yourself and your own attitude so that you are more appealing and attractive to the men you want to be with. It works the same way for guys.

    When you are figuring out who it is that you really want, try to imagine the type of partner they would want to be with. Ask yourself the question: Am I this person? If not, how can I become more like that person? Then proceed to work on your self-development, while searching for your man.

    You story hits very close to home for me, as I felt the same way as you did, until I decided to work on myself and really do a lot of introspective work on what it is that I wanted. Hope this helps

    Andrelecoz
    Andrelecoz
    Participant
    August 15, 2018 at 3:33 pm #181690

    Thanks dashingscorpio, i think my ‘screening process’ most def needs work. “With persistence comes success.
    Compatibility trumps compromise!” Yeah i think the more practical solution is to give the women i’m after more time be found and allow things to happen as i have already surmised. Thank you kindly 🙂

    Cheers for taking your time to respond coach_Michael21.
    “Where have you gone and what actions have you taken in the past to meet these men who don’t satisfy your intellectual needs?” I will say in context im not gay, so women are my sexual preference, though your words are just as relevant so thank you, much appreciated.

    “you may need to change a few things about yourself and your own attitude so that you are more appealing and attractive to the men you want to be with.” Most exactly. I do appreciate the need to reformat one’s self and remove the dead weight of sand bags that keep us all as a hot-air-balloons from raising higher above.

    yoyo
    yoyo
    Participant
    August 20, 2018 at 4:57 pm #181969

    Are you a man? If so, it sounds unusual.

    thealphafemale
    thealphafemale
    Participant
    August 20, 2018 at 6:00 pm #181973

    You do not begin to date them. There is no point.

    Coach_Michael21
    Coach_Michael21
    Participant
    August 21, 2018 at 12:14 pm #182071

    My apologies OP, when I clicked on this thread, I thought I saw a pink avatar next to it, which usually means a woman started the thread=)

    -M