How to ask if he's gay?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

How to ask if he's gay?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2018 at 8:44 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    dizzy
    dizzy
    Participant
    August 24, 2018 at 9:03 pm #182643
    How to ask if he's gay?

    I have completely fallen in love with a man at work. I’m only contracted to work there with my team for 3 weeks. I bumped into him after work one time having drinks and I told him I found him very attractive and we spent a lot of time talking. So I asked his colleague if he has a girlfriend because I was planning to ask him on a date, but she told me he has a boyfriend. I’m very confused by this because in all the time we have spoken in and outside of work, he never mentioned a boyfriend or tried to let me down gently when I have been honest about liking him. The problem is that I only have 3 days left of working there and then I’ll never see him again, and I don’t feel it’s appropriate to outright ask “are you gay” or “are you single” in the work environment, and I don’t expect to bump into him outside of work again. That was a once in a million chance. I have checked out his Facebook and don’t see any signs of a boyfriend. How do I find out? I really like him.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    August 26, 2018 at 1:01 am #182662

    “..he never mentioned a boyfriend or tried to let me down gently when I have been honest about liking him.”

    So basically you’re saying he’s never hit on you or asked you for your phone number while knowing you’re attracted to him?
    If a guy thinks a woman is cute and he knows she’s “into him” it’s hard to resist going after low hanging fruit.

    Either he’s not attracted to YOU or he’s seeing someone and if that’s the case it doesn’t matter if he’s gay or not.
    Instead of asking if he’s gay just ask him if he’s seeing/dating someone. If the answer is yes drop the subject.
    If he answers your question with a question such as: “Why do you ask?”
    You can then tell him your contract is coming to an end and you wondered if he might be interested in going out sometime…..etc

    In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: NEXT!
    Best wishes!

    minaferma
    minaferma
    Participant
    August 26, 2018 at 5:06 am #182665

    You are gay ? Simple

    dizzy
    dizzy
    Participant
    August 27, 2018 at 8:34 am #182666

    When I was hinting at an attraction to him we were outside of work. I would never ask about his relationship status in the workplace and I wouldn’t expect him to ask for my number either. I posted on here hoping someone had a good idea of how to work it into conversation to find out, so that I can then hang around after his shift and ask him out. The problem isn’t whether he is attracted to me. The problem is how to discuss it without being unprofessional.

    Kauaidove
    Kauaidove
    Participant
    August 27, 2018 at 2:19 pm #182769

    Aloha, I’m new here and like most of you I’m looking for some resolve and peace. I hope this helps you and that you may pay it forward in your new experiences today or later. After reading your concerns a few red flags popped out to me in between the black and white post. You mentioned love, how do you know if you honestly love someone if you don’t know the person first? Secondly your leaving in like a few days so why the emotional investment of a relationship already so unattainable. Finally if the man is gay or not that’s his business and again your leaving so just look to have fun and enjoy the moment and be honest with yourself and your needs and wants. Mahalo

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    August 27, 2018 at 2:38 pm #182772

    “The problem isn’t whether he is attracted to me.”
    If he’s not attracted to you he isn’t going to want to go out with you. (That would be a problem)

    “When I was hinting at an attraction to him (we were outside of work).”
    That’s also when he could have asked you for your phone number if were attracted to you.

    Secondly people invite each other out from work all the time.
    Instead of trying to find out about his sexuality (before going out) plan on learning about it while you’re out.

    If you’ve already established a rapport with the guy it shouldn’t be a problem inviting him to happy hours or lunch someplace.
    Once you’re together and relaxed you can talk about past relationships, worst dates ever, and so on in a humorous way.

    Odds you’re making this bigger than it is.

    sndavid01
    sndavid01
    Participant
    September 7, 2018 at 5:23 pm #183753

    He is no attracted to you,if he is he would have asked you for your contact.Do not force yourself on him.Sometimes what you like doesnt end up becoming yours.