How to get on more dates?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

How to get on more dates?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    July 7, 2019 at 7:34 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    tstudent
    tstudent
    Participant
    February 25, 2019 at 10:58 am #195500
    How to get on more dates?

    Straight to the point: Where could I meet women (age: 20-30) and how to get dates more often?

    I’m working on a technical field, so I don’t meet any women at work. Also, I don’t study anymore. I’m also a little bit introverted, and e.g. in a group conversation I may be completely silent. On the other hand, I’m not shy (anymore). I have no problem approaching women, but the conversation never feels natural. I’ve also tried tinder and online dating, but they are really inactive in my area.

    Currently, sports and social dancing take up most of my free time. Dancing could be great for meeting women, but especially during the winter, the group does not change much.

    tstudent
    tstudent
    Participant
    February 25, 2019 at 10:59 am #195501

    My main way of meeting women, apart from tinder, is cold approaching. I just walk up to a girl on the streets/bust stop/grocery store and say “I think you’re beautiful and wanted to say hi. I’m XYX”. Needless to say, women are not very open for this kind of approaches. My other question adresses this issue:
    What everyday situations are best for cold approaching women, and how to avoid being creepy when doing so?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    February 26, 2019 at 2:43 am #195559

    These days most women don’t want to the cold or pickup line approach especially in a non dating/social situation.
    If you’re an introvert your best bet is probably in situations where you can get to know people gradually over time.
    This might entail joining an Meetup dot com group where people with similar hobbies and interests meet.

    Another option is to take a fun community college class such as drama/acting or other classes which encourage students to engage.

    Make friends with a guy or two who seem to be doing well meeting women. You can learn a lot through association.
    Two guys who hit the bars and nightclubs together for meeting women and dancing is normal for guys in their 20s -30s.
    You also have a built in opening line by simply asking a woman to dance. Relax and make having (fun) your goal.
    The more you do something the better you get. Eventually you would fly solo to nightclubs.

    Consider changing your profile and photos on dating apps/sites. Get a woman’s input.

    tstudent
    tstudent
    Participant
    February 26, 2019 at 2:26 pm #195664

    Thanks, that’s kind of what Ive tried lately. I didn’t start social dancing for the purpose of meeting women, but it was there as one motivation. I can’t really start any more hobbies, as there won’t be enough hours in the week. Also, any kind of creative/expressive stuff is not really my cup of tea, and dancing was already a huge leap from my comfort zone. Still, one of the best decisions that I’ve done lately. If I had more time, I would do more sports.

    Social dancing is quite different from bar dancing. I just couldn’t dance at all if I didn’t have some defined steps. And solo dance is a big no-no. Additionally, I don’t drink at all, and due to the loud (and unpleasant) music, it’s usually really difficult to talk in bars. Women rarely go to bars alone, and for me, group conversations are even more difficult. As said, I’m usually a listener in those situations. Also, it feels weird to just talk to someone without giving a reason, why I’m talking to them.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    February 26, 2019 at 6:18 pm #195716

    Sounds like you’re giving up before even bothering to try something new.
    If you want something different YOU have to do something different.

    Men and women have been meeting in bars and nightclubs for several generations.
    You’re right most young women don’t go to nightclubs alone.
    However just because a woman is with a girlfriend or a small group of friends doesn’t mean she’s not up for meeting men.
    As I stated you could go to the club with one of your buddies as well.

    Asking someone to dance is fairly easy to do.
    If you can move from side to side on beat you should be fine.
    Generally if there is eye contact and smiling during the dance you’d lean in ask her name.
    Don’t put lot of pressure on yourself, Having FUN shouldn’t be so much hard work.
    Just go out and dance without having any real goal but to have a good time the first few times.
    The more comfortable you become in the atmosphere the easier it will be to meet women and get phone numbers…etc

    tstudent
    tstudent
    Participant
    February 28, 2019 at 10:22 am #195785

    Giving up on what? I’ve tried lots of new things, and I’m willing to try more. To list a few:

    – Used to be very shy -> started approaching girls in public places
    – Dancing. I’m quite musical and I like sports, dancing is like a combination of those. I never thought that dancing would be my thing, didn’t even participate in prom, but that was mostly due to shyness.
    – Earlier I started les mills classes. Sure, there are plenty of attractive women, but no room for social interaction.

    I’m not planning to start a hobby I don’t enjoy ONLY for the purpose of meeting women. Acting is not something I would be interested in, but I assume you meant that just as an example of a social hobby. I’m also super passionate about my current hobbies, so my schedule is quite full.

    tstudent
    tstudent
    Participant
    February 28, 2019 at 10:31 am #195786

    For bars, the thing is, I can’t have fun in that kind of an environment (been there a few times when studying). As mentioned, I don’t drink, I prefer to get to bed quite early, and I don’t really have that kind of friends, with whom I would “just hang out”. (I’ve met most of my friends through hobbies, work etc., and we don’t see each other outside that specific activity.) Bar probably is a good place to meet women for someone who is more socially talented, but for me, it would be one of the most difficult places to approach women.

    But I’m curious, how would you open a conversation in a bar in my situation (other than dancing)? It’s a difficult place to have a meaningful conversation (e.g. about passions, hobbies, studying). On the street, I can ask “where are you coming from” or even “how is your day”, and she will most likely answer with something, I can ask more about. I’m really bad at non-meaningful, less serious conversations, open on suggestions on how to improve.