How to go about it

DATING ADVICE FORUM

How to go about it

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    July 7, 2018 at 9:01 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    geralt
    geralt
    Participant
    May 2, 2018 at 1:00 am #171988
    How to go about it

    Hi,
    I dated a girl for about 6 weeks then she ended it basically saying she prefers to be the one to chase and me coming on strongly pushed her away. I honestly don’t think I came on that strong but there were things that made me fall for her too fast I admit. She said she liked me but need time to herself to think. I stupidly told her I was hurt by this and decided to give her the space and focus on myself and other women. After a week she messaged me asking how I was doing (part of me thinks it was her just being nice due to me not taking it well) I responded and a we had a small chat about stuff but nothing serious. So I decided to not contact her for a while, I was thinking about doing so recently as I still would like to try start something with her. So it had been 3 weeks since last contact and she messaged me asking how I was doing. I wasn’t sure what to reply with, other than knowing I cannot project that I need her in my life(which I don’t).

    geralt
    geralt
    Participant
    May 2, 2018 at 1:01 am #171989

    continuing…We exchanged a few messages which were quite friendly but not flirty.

    Then she said:

    “We should catch up sometime if you’re keen? I know I stopped talking to you before and I’m sorry about that it wasn’t fair on you. I do like you things just got a little complicated”

    my reply:

    “Yeah I would like to catch up with you ____. Let’s grab a drink sunday.”

    she did not respond to the invite, but later on that night(11pm) she messaged saying: ” Hey , are you up?”
    I was at a wedding and my phone was dead, saw this in the morning

    more games and crap?

    I’m thinking a few things:

    1. ignore her completely for a while/for ever

    2. message her with a new date request later this week

    3. message her saying I’m not gonna play games/ or be messed around etc.

    Also I can give a lot more back story to the situation if it helps.

    Cheers,

    Any advice welcomed

    mickey9694
    mickey9694
    Participant
    May 5, 2018 at 9:37 am #172288

    I’m by no means an expert, but I’ve been in numerous dating situations and relationships to know how to handle this. Simply put, don’t revolve your life around her. A few guidelines to follow:

    1) NEVER, ever be the first to initiate a conversation. Even for non-dating related stuff, don’t be the first to start the convo
    2) Don’t reply back too quickly when she texts you. It’s okay to miss a few of her calls. Keep yourself busy with life/work/school/etc. For myself, I don’t really do this on purpose, it just happens because I get caught up with other things such as work.
    3) Don’t ask her out on dates. Let her be the one to do that. You can suggest that you would like company, however. For example: “I’m finally off this weekend, I really wanna see the new Avengers movie.” If she likes you, she will take the initiative.
    4) Be prepared to cut your losses. Some women simply want your attention and nothing more. Be prepared to tell her straight up that you’re not wasting your time.

    mickey9694
    mickey9694
    Participant
    May 5, 2018 at 9:39 am #172289

    For #4, I’ve done that many times. If you feel that she’s playing games, tell her something like “I don’t see this working out and I feel like you’re playing games. I don’t put up with that. Good luck.”

    Don’t dive into details, and wait a few days before responding to anything else she sends you

    geralt
    geralt
    Participant
    May 7, 2018 at 8:28 am #172319

    Thanks for the reply,

    There has been no contact in over a week now. The problem is I still think about her quite a bit unfortunately haha.
    My replies were not fast- if anything a bit slow because I was busy with work and study.
    In terms of not initiating convo- the last few times it has been her, but obviously not led anywhere-just left me confused. Would there not be a case for being assertive?- telling her what I want and then moving on
    I do want to message saying I’m not gonna be messed around but I think I will leave it a bit longer yet

    Tommygun
    Tommygun
    Participant
    May 7, 2018 at 12:45 pm #172426

    She was totally digging the attention.
    I know when they act hard to get it’s kinda attractive but these kind of women just waste your time.

    mr.man123
    mr.man123
    Participant
    May 8, 2018 at 1:34 am #172483

    She was looking for attention man, shes crazy

    gatekeeper
    gatekeeper
    Participant
    May 8, 2018 at 1:58 pm #172567

    Have to agree with other people here. When she texts with “How are you?” or “I miss you” these are just fishing for some attention. Maybe she’s lonely in those moments. Unless she specifically messages “Wanna hang out” or “I wanna get back together” then I’d ignore them.

    hunterl72
    hunterl72
    Participant
    May 9, 2018 at 9:22 am #172642

    Maybe just try to give her the space she is asking for and she will come to you. If she’s asking for you to not come on so hard, and you keep doing it, you will push her away more.

    You probably shouldn’t have told her you wanted to focus on other women, but if she’s coming back to you, give it a shot!

    Motoman94
    Motoman94
    Participant
    May 9, 2018 at 12:10 pm #172671
    Reply To: How to go about it

    Don’t over think it. Also don’t worry about what she thinks of you. Be a man and act upon your desires! If you like her go for it man!

    Dating Dan
    Dating Dan
    Participant
    May 10, 2018 at 2:35 am #172728
    Reply To: How to go about it

    Sounds like she loves the games and attention. Personally I would put her on the ‘invite only’ list meaning every time I messaged her it would be to meet up right then. Try it a handful of times and if it goes nowhere then move on.

    May 10, 2018 at 6:57 pm #172864
    Reply To: How to go about it

    Sorry to hear what you’re going through, op. I hope things get better for you.

    Eighce
    Eighce
    Participant
    May 13, 2018 at 6:14 am #173041
    Reply To: How to go about it

    Have to agree with other people here. When she texts with “How are you?” or “I miss you” these are just fishing for some attention. Maybe she’s lonely in those moments. Unless she specifically messages “Wanna hang out” or “I wanna get back together” then I’d ignore them.

    Spot on.

    sizzlincow
    sizzlincow
    Participant
    May 13, 2018 at 6:25 pm #173043
    Reply To: How to go about it

    I agree with Dating Dan. Maybe her life is complicated or she just likes getting attention.

    geralt
    geralt
    Participant
    May 13, 2018 at 7:27 pm #173046
    Reply To: How to go about it

    Update:

    It’s been over two weeks now and I’ve made no contact and neither has she.
    I have been on a date with another girl since.

    if she doesn’t contact for a while more, I might send a message. Not sure what to say- maybe just an invite to catch up. Do you think it would be better to just not bring up the fact that she is doing what she apologised for doing again? But the better option might be to just move on

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