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Hello! I have this problem especially with written messages, but also in person. The thing is, I’m a very logical person, pretty much the opposite of creative and spontaneous. All my conversations with girls are boring, and it seems impossible to spark attraction. An example:
Me: What do you do for fun?
Her: I go to the gym and read. ( Ok, I like girls who do sport, but gym is a terrible conversation topic. So continue about books.)
Me: What kind of books do you like to read?
Her: Many kinds, but I prefer historical drama and relationship stories. Do you like to read?
Me: I haven’t read a lot after high school, but I like fantasy. What is the best book you’ve read lately.
And so on. Super boring, no flirting at all. Almost like an interview. Any tips on how I could make my conversations more interesting, especially when she doesn’t give a lot of material to work on? Things are a bit easier if the girls also shows some interest, but one line answers are really common on dating apps.
dashingscorpioParticipantMay 25, 2019 at 3:28 pm #201058
One of the problems is your questions seem to have no real motivation to them.
If you had some idea of where you wanted to take her out then you would have an intention.
What kind of music do you like? (blah blah blah)
Great, There’s this place I know of where this band is playing this weekend.
Would you be interested in checking it out?
In other words the goal to asking her questions is to find an opportunity to turn it into a potential date.
If you not a date then whatever it is you learn use it to your advantage. Send her highly reviewed historical drama book.
Asking her questions about favorite types of movies, music, food/restaurants, comedians, parks, beaches and so on.
These all have the potential of scheduling an in person date.
Playful questions like; “What’s the funniest thing you ever saw?” or “Where would you like to go to visit if you could?”
Some answers allow you to ask follow questions such as (Why). Using a playful flirtatious tone also helps.
Lastly if someone is interested in you they should be Asking YOU questions too! If not move on!
June 24, 2019 at 6:41 am #202665
- This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by dashingscorpio.
Thanks! I see that the reply was mostly about messaging before first date, and I agree. That’s actually what I’m trying to do: relatively quickly find out something we both might enjoy, and set up a date. Or a coffee date, if there are no obvious common interests. I’m not very well up to date of local events, as I rarely would participate them on my own. Instead I spend my free time in regular hobbies (certain days, always at the same time).
Considering the motivation part, I think the problem is that I know within a minute of meeting the girl if I want to meet her again. Sure, I still want to find out more about her, but the question are not meaningful in the same way.
There have been many occasions when the date has (in my opinion) gone well, there has been good conversation and interest shown by both parties, but when I propose a second date, she replies that she only sees me as a friend. So I should somehow transform the way how I talk to girls, and I have no clue, how.
Brrr in AlaskaParticipantJune 27, 2019 at 11:16 am #202932
Two points. First, don’t assume that it’s always you. Sometimes you will interact with, be attracted to another person where conversation does not flow freely. I have run into this many times. If they, themselves are not engaging, the conversation is going to be stunted. I quickly move on from these situations because a relationship will NEVER work without good communication.
Secondly, it may also be possible that you are spending too much time in your own head and thinking more about the outcome rather than just being in the moment. While this is natural in some ways, it’s not productive in starting or building a relationship Be yourself and loosen up. Don’t worry about the outcome. It will be what it will be and you’ll always be much happier with someone who is interested in you for the real you.
DJ92ParticipantJune 28, 2019 at 12:47 pm #203076
So I’m probably not the best advise giver but I would say that for me, questions are a doorway. If you ask a question and she replies, use her answer to create more engagement… I.e “I really like the Prodigy” … “definitely! Some of their songs are awesome… actually check this video out, if you like prodigy you’ll like this” ….. or ….. “I haven’t listened to prodigy… uhohhh! Which is your favourite?”June 30, 2019 at 11:54 am #203142
Sure, sometimes we’re just incompatible. But there must also be something wrong in the way I communicate with women. During the last few years, I’ve been on dates with over 100 girls, but only had a handful of second dates. It’s always the same thing: “You seem like a perfect guy, on the paper. But there just was no chemistry”. In many cases the conversation flows naturally, but it’s purely logic based.
alin918ParticipantJuly 7, 2019 at 8:59 am #203320
You should have tried asking her ” what do you LIKE to do for fun”, not “what do you do for fun”.
VGK1ParticipantJuly 7, 2019 at 8:49 pm #203333
There are a number of things you can do to improve your conversations and messages. First, there are a lot of great articles and resources out there that address this specifically. One great strategy is to ask their opinion about something (not a yes or no topic), that can spark conversation with you digging deeper.
When it comes to texting, there are a lot of ways to misinterpret a text, especially if they know your personailty and you texts come from your alter ego. They may not expect that, and take your attempt at wit or banter in an inappropriate way. If I am messaging a girl that doesn’t seem to pick up my banter, I will send her a message about how “it’s funny when texts come across as plain words without the inflection a voice would have. Check out this funny skit about not being on the same page with texts.” (and I include a link to the Key and Peele texting skit).
Let me know your thoughts on those.
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