How to make her love me?


How to make her love me?

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    May 18, 2020 at 12:35 pm #233941
    How to make her love me?

    Well, hello everyone.

    This is my first thread and I have a quite complicated situation that sadly needs a lot of explaining. I’ll try to keep it as short as possible.

    I have been diagnosed with Asperger, about 6 years ago and I am fine with that. It finally explains why all my jobs and relationships turned out into disaster. I also found the good in it, and I am doing great with myself. The weak spot is and always will be communication, empathy and sharing feelings.

    So, now I met a lady on a Facebook page about autism, and she was having trouble with a crazy ex – the problems matched my problems with my ex, only that was 7 – 10 years ago. So I answered on her question and we started chatting on Messenger. So far, so good.

    Now, the thing is that she is quite a bit younger than I am, although age doesn’t mean everything (don’t worry, she’s an adult). Any way, we are being friends on Messenger at the moment and she is trusting me a lot. We’re talking about her and my hobbies –

    May 18, 2020 at 12:35 pm #233942

    – and they are quite the same. She tells me about her problems with her ex, so she trusts me (I suppose). She told me about the food she (doesn’t) like, she tells me about her whereabouts. She is sweet, very polite, and even apologizes when she has not responded to my messages the whole evening. What more does a man want from a lady, online… Right? She’s great! Or at least, I think so. Hence, I am falling in love with this wonderful lady.

    So, because she has just been in a very mentally violent relationship she stated that she doesn’t want another relationship for a while – and I can understand that and I respect that. So I promised her that I won’t make a move on her. That leaves me in the friend-zone, the well-known friend-zone.

    My question is actually two-sided:
    1: How do I know when she thinks she is ready to date again
    and 2: How do I get her to pick me when she is feeling ready?

    Simple questions, but I suppose the answer is not so easy…

    May 19, 2020 at 7:06 pm #234053

    Hi dear how are you doing

    May 20, 2020 at 12:57 am #234055

    Hey Daniel,
    Well I am not very experienced but I can give my two cents of thought over your situation.
    1: Being on an abusive relationship can really impact a person’s life. It can impact present and future relationships and it can bring about many negative things such as trust issues, emotional issues, physical (or being intimate with someone else) issues, etc. I don’t know the extent of the abuse she went through, how old she is, how long was the relationship for, did they get back together many times, does she still keep in contact with him, how bad was the break up, etc, etc… (Those are all great questions to ask if she’s willing to share). Also, depending on the answers, I would recommend therapy (trust me, there’s nothing to be ashamed of in going to therapy and it helps).
    2: If she told you she is not ready, of course, respect that and give her space. Depending on many factors, she might still be attached to that man, and I can tell you really care for her–

    May 20, 2020 at 1:05 am #234056

    but you’re not doing neither yourself a favor nor her by pushing a new romantic relationship. Give her time. Be there for her. Listen.
    3: There is nothing wrong with being her friend, because personally I find it true when people say that great relationships develop off of friendships. But you don’t want to be friend-zoned (this will negatively impact you in the long run emotionally). Be honest, tell her that you are developing feeling for her because of her great attributes. But be prepared to hear an answer that you don’t want to hear and if that happens, maybe you can try to move on while being her friend (if you can, if not then just distance yourself a little bit). If she replies positively, then just be patient and the next step will come.
    4. Remember, the hardest decisions are the most worth making. Time heals! and you will eventually find someone amazing, there isn’t just one person you will get along with out there! Take care of yourself, and your emotional and mental health!

    May 20, 2020 at 2:20 pm #234080

    1: How do I know when she thinks she is ready to date again.

    She’s probably will tell you she has met someone with potential.
    Since you’re in the “friend zone” she most likely will share the “good news” with you.

    2: How do I get her to pick me when she is feeling ready?

    Odds are she won’t pick you. This is especially true if your only communication is via social media
    It’s easier for a lover to become a friend than it is for a friend to become a lover.

    Some people find it much easier to open up to those whom they have absolutely no romantic interest in.
    It explains why bartenders and hairdressers are oftentimes confided in because they’re not in the daily lives of clients.

    Normally when someone is (attracted to you) they delay revealing their “warts”. They want to impress you.
    Your best chance of changing things around is to have some (in person) meetings.
    “Platonic friends” can meet for happy hour cocktails, breakfast, lunch, or take in a matinee show…etc

    Spending more time with you (in person) may cause her to see you as potential date material.
    Incidental touching and (subtle flirtation) can go a long way towards creating a dating possibility.
    You have to spend time with her (in person). Hopefully things will improve with COVID-19 soon!
    Best wishes!

    May 26, 2020 at 8:21 am #234260

    Thanks everyone for the helpful replies.

    Yeah, I realized that she would probably tell me if she’s ready to date or not. Lots of things have happened between us since I posted here and for the moment, I have to do what I have to do.

    : that is a good idea, about the meeting as a platonic friend.

    : #4 is great advice, thank you.

    Yeah, I take care, thanks, and I am still in the friend-zone. I’ll reread the posts again and again and try to remember the good advice.

    Have a good evening / day.
    My apologies for the late reply: I didn’t get any replies by the system (I requested replies) so I thought there were none…


    May 26, 2020 at 8:21 am #234261

    Oh, btw, I never push a lady. That is against my nature.