I [27] don't understand her [26]


I [27] don't understand her [26]

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    October 28, 2016 at 10:11 am #115670
    I [27] don't understand her [26]

    Hi guys, I’ve been dating a girl, but I’d like some advice since I’ve been out of the dating scene for a while.

    We had something like 4/5 dates (the first one wasn’t really a date), and I guess everything went kind of ok. We exchanged a very weird kiss at the end of the 3rd date (just lips touching for a second), and then a better kiss on the 4th date (but nothing long or passionate). So the dating stuff was going pretty slow (at least for me).

    However, on the last date (last Sunday) she invited me to have dinner at her place (after I kind of invited myself using an excuse she made some days earlier). We had fun, and we almost ended up having sex. Indeed, she stopped me, but it’s totally understandable and fine for me. However, I thought I might have been too pushy (but she wanted to, I could physically feel it, if you know what I mean), but then on the same night, when I went home, she texted me and we chatted for a bit. The next morning (Monday) she basically did the same thing. Then on Tuesday I texted her and everything up to that point was very nice and ok.

    On Wednesday I asked her out, but she said something like: “I’d like to, but I have to study because I have an exam in less than a week”. Ok… I mean, I was thinking about “stealing” her only 1/2 hours in the evening, but whatever. So instead I arranged for a dinner at my place with one of her ex-roomate. I told her about it, and she said: “oh yeah, let me know what you think of him, I’m curious”. We continued chatting sporadically until 11 PM, and then we just stopped. Did she ask me about the evening or his ex-roomate? No.

    So on Thursday (yesterday) I had this thought: if I won’t text her, she will not text me. Indeed, I’ve “waited” until 6PM before I asked her: “hey, how’s your study going?”. She replied and we chatted for few minutes, and then I said: “ok, I’ll let you study”, to which she replied: “maybe you are right… talk to you later!”. Did she say something to me later? No.

    However, at the same time (yesterday), a friend we have in common created a conversation group to arrange a smoking evening. At first I didn’t read the messages, so they basically agreed for going out on Sunday evening (because they are quite busy the other days). I replied that it is fine for me, so we should hang out on Sunday (just three of us, if nothing happens in-between). Then we started talking a bit more, and the friend we have in common decided to come to my place to smoke something. So I invited her, but she said (at 9 PM): “You live so faaar away and I’m still studying at the university…”. Ok, reasonable.

    Now I’m wondering: what happened after Tuesday/Wednesday? I know that she is really busy right now, but I also know that she is talking to other people/friends without a problem (see the group conversation). For instance, after saying something in the group conversation she could have also said something in private to me (especially because she said “talk to you later!”).

    What should I think of her? Maybe you got it, but I’m quite fond of her, or at least I was few days ago. Now I’m starting to think: “I don’t want to chase people, because I’m quite annoyed by that. If she wants me, good! Otherwise, whatever”. Especially, if I have to do this stuff again I’m pretty sure that I will lose it.

    Also, I was pretty sure that she was pretty into me up to Tuesday… but then I’m not sure anymore.

    So… Am I crazy? Is she crazy? Did I miss something or do something wrong? Am I putting too many thoughts into all this stuff? Should I just let it go, and see what happens on Sunday? What should I do today? As you can imagine, I’m not very good at the dating game (texting and whatever).

    I was thinking of not texting her today (Friday), and waiting for her (non) reaction. Maybe tomorrow (Saturday) I could ask her out, but I’m pretty sure she would be quite busy. Then again, if that would be the case, why does she want to hang out in group on Sunday instead of hanging out alone with me?

    Thanks for all the help 🙂

    November 2, 2016 at 6:28 am #116093

    The short answer, based on my own experiences:

    Don’t text her. Don’t go to the smoking/group event. Make yourself scarce, and if she likes you, she will eventually make contact. If not, well then you have saved yourself quite a lot of time and nerves. As much as you would like to think that she is the best girl in the world, in the real world, she is not. The trouble is that you have invested too much (time, dates, emotions) on her, and it can be painful to lose the investment.

    Instead, meet other girls. The next girl you see and get on more than one date, will make you forget this particular one. This means that you will not think about her, or pay particular attention to her. The best part is, that it will be natural behavior, not a façade you try to keep, while wanting to be that girl. The girls notice such things, and you will become more attractive in her eyes.