I am so very lost

DATING ADVICE FORUM

I am so very lost

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    Quirkk01
    Quirkk01
    Participant
    May 12, 2020 at 2:03 am #233656
    I am so very lost

    So, I have this ex girlfriend. We’ve dated for a little over one year and broke up. We have never met in person before. Whenever I brought up meeting, she would get all anxious about it and sounded unsure what to do. She tells me that she has problems with depression, communication, and thinking about the future, as it gives her a panic attack. I tried to look past it all and keep on trying with her. We’ve only ever talked on the phone twice and not for very long. She doesn’t like doing that either. We’ve only really texted each other and she would often take a while with her replies.

    After we broke up, we continued talking as “friends,” but here’s the thing. We would talk to each other like we’re dating. I still love her and she says she still loves me. I brought up getting back together a few times, but she gets scared and doesn’t know what to do. Recently, she told me that she doesn’t see us getting together in person and that a LD relationship won’t work. So.. (more in comments)

    wee yin
    wee yin
    Participant
    May 12, 2020 at 4:37 am #233660

    Hey, That’s a shame that she feels like this….. but can I be honest with you……. it sounds to me like she may not be the person she says she is…. I could be completely wrong but going by the comments you have made, there seems to be a lot of red flags there. It could be that she does have feelings for you and rather than hurt you more, she is trying to let you down gently. She realises what she is doing is wrong and is trying to end it so you don’t find out who she really is and that’s why shes saying the LD thing wont work as well as meeting up. I apologise if i’m wrong and hope that I am. Take care.

    Quirkk01
    Quirkk01
    Participant
    May 12, 2020 at 8:27 am #233657

    I am very unsure how to proceed. I like how things have been going, she makes me happy and I know I make her happy when we talk. I had hopes that we would get back together, but now that I know she doesn’t see that happening and only wants to keep going as friends only, it’s difficult. I’m always going to have these feelings and I’m always going to want to be with her again. I don’t know what to do. Letting her go would be really hard too, we’ve tried it a few times, but we just end up continuing to talk… Am I stupid to hold on like this and hope that things will eventually change..? What scares me is that if we keep doing what we’ve doing, she might end up with someone else and that would really hurt… And I know that if I found someone else, she wouldn’t be happy about it either. This is all so very confusing.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    May 12, 2020 at 9:43 am #233695

    “We’ve dated for a little over one year and broke up. We have never met in person before.”

    “We’ve only ever talked on the phone twice and not for very long. She doesn’t like doing that either.”

    “..she told me that she doesn’t see us getting together in person and that a LD relationship won’t work.”

    You have invested/wasted over a year of your life on someone you have NEVER met!
    She has actually told you she doesn’t see the two of you ever getting together in person.

    “Am I stupid to hold on like this and hope that things will eventually change..?”
    The short answer is Hell Yes!

    In order for (her) to be “the one” she would have to see (you) as being “the one”.
    At the very least a “soulmate” is someone who actually wants to be with you!

    You didn’t mention your ages but it sounds like you most be fairly young.
    Young people tend to “romanticize obstacles” when it comes to love and relationships.
    Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.
    The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.

    She doesn’t want to meet you in person or talk to you on the phone!
    A year of this nonsense should be long enough for you to realize it’s time to move on.
    “Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    May 12, 2020 at 10:00 am #233699

    If two people truly want to be together (they) will make it happen!

    There is no amount of “communication” or “work” which can overcome being with someone who does NOT want what you want. If you want a girlfriend you can verbally talk to, see in person, and physically touch then (she) isn’t “the one” for you!

    The only reason why you’ve never been together is because SHE doesn’t want it to happen.
    In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!

    Love YOURSELF enough to move on and find a girl who actually can’t wait to hear your voice, see you, and be held by you.

    I would tell this girl: “It’s clear we don’t want the same things. I wish you well with your life.”
    Afterwards block her phone number, email, and any social media.

    {Your future lies ahead of you and not behind you.}

    The world may not owe you anything but YOU owe yourself the world!

    Best wishes!