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AtrasutraParticipantDecember 4, 2018 at 10:42 am #190453
Hi. Maybe it’s time to ask for an advice. I have to confess I dated more than 90 men. I turn off every single one of them. I had time to figure out why. There was a lot of nice men who cared about me. I got my heart broke to the bad stage. I usually ditch them because I get very freaked out why they are not locking up the date with me anymore on Monday as they used or text as much as they used to. Or perhaps, they were really flakey. I don’t know. The thing is -I have unhealthy expectations. I have been in a long relationship that developed very naturally – in the school. Now suddenly I am working and meeting guys through friends, in the clubs, or online. I freak out about after 2-second date when I start to project ” happily ever after”. They pick up on my energy and lots of them become depressed ( if they made it to my boyfriend) or disinterested or freaked out. I expect commitment by 4 dates. I have a high standard and I am high maintenance. I am toxic and I don’t know how to change
- This topic was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by Atrasutra.
JenarmenParticipantDecember 4, 2018 at 12:33 pm #190478
By admitting that you have a problem that is already a big step, now the following steps will also be hard, try to get out of this comfort zone you created and try to be more patient with the person you are seeing and also with you because this may not work from the first try, give them the benefit of the doubt maybe they turn out to be amazing and stop being scared of actually being happy.
LordRARParticipantDecember 6, 2018 at 6:13 pm #190651
I agree with Jenarmen,
Admitting one’s mistake is the first step to recovery. I know how this mindset works, as I used to be the same way (from a guy’s perspective). I scared off too many girls because I would want something serious right off the bat. But the thing is, commitment is something that has to be earned in a relationship. A lot of guys are scared of it. A lot of them stay clear of it. When you find a guy that you find yourself head over heels for and you think he could be the one; don’t pressure him for the commitment. If he feels the same, the commitment with show itself and you will get your happily ever after ending. Patience is key in relationship. Never rush anything.
dashingscorpioParticipantDecember 9, 2018 at 7:09 pm #190754
” I expect commitment by 4 dates. I have a high standard and I am high maintenance. I am toxic…”
Whenever you find yourself in a hole the first thing you want to do is stop digging.
Take some time off from dating altogether. Focus on your career, hobbies, friendships, family, and other interests.
After a couple of months make it your goal to date just for the FUN of it. (No pressure)
Enjoy the activity, lunch/dinner, concert, play, or whatever without having any hidden agendas.
Simply learn to live in the moment and enjoy being single.
Stop trying to force relationships and instead relax and let things (evolve) if they are meant to be.
In the mean time keep your options open (by dating other people) until a mutual decision to be “exclusive” has been made.
bigheartcoldworldParticipantDecember 13, 2018 at 8:32 am #190973
You’re self aware enough to know and see that this is going on. If you think the problem is you then YOU have the power to change it. Go deeper within yourself and maybe do things you wouldn’t ordinarily do to figure out who you really are which will indefinitely have the answer to this dilemma along with it.
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