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amyyyyblackParticipantAugust 1, 2019 at 4:52 am #204666
We were together for almost a year and then I broke up with him for various reasons. He pursued me we got back together after 3 months. He says he’s changed and he’s making an effort. He seems to have really heard a lot of what I said and is trying to change a few things that didn’t work well between us.
However, because trust was an issue previously, I recently couldn’t resist the urge to protect myself and decided to look at his texts. He’s good at talking to I wanted to see if his actions match his words.
I found texts with a woman he works with. She’s beautiful and quite a bit younger (she’s 27 and we’re 32). He sends her songs for her to listen to and he was trying to persuade her to go to a party last week that she said she was too busy to go to. He had invited me to the same party, but only 2 days before the party. Reading those texts made me realise that he had invited her first and because she couldn’t go, he then invited me. Am I reading too much into this?
HR PuffnStuffParticipantAugust 2, 2019 at 11:35 pm #204780
My question is this: Why did you get back together with someone you didn’t trust?
chrishenParticipantAugust 3, 2019 at 12:06 am #204781
He’s trying “monkey branch” by the sounds of it. Grab the new before he’s let go of the previous. That way he always has at least one women. Usually women get the slack for being hypergamous, but men are known to do the same given the opportunity.
jumlyParticipantAugust 5, 2019 at 2:00 pm #204852
I would not. I would move on because it sounds like he maybe keeping you until something better comes along or he was bored.
EvaBabeParticipantAugust 6, 2019 at 2:56 am #204887
Perhaps pull back a bit and see how he reacts. Definitely don’t tell him you looked at his phone. In your gut you probably already have your answer.
AMPJ0622ParticipantAugust 6, 2019 at 11:40 pm #204965
No I think he’s keeping you around until he can find someone else and he’ll keep you around as long as you keep being there for them
mid20sParticipantAugust 7, 2019 at 2:29 pm #205033
I probably would not trust him either. And at this point would break up with him for good because if you have to look through his phone to confirm your doubts (instead of talking with him) then you probably will be anxious about if for the rest of your relationship.
Clueless1899ParticipantAugust 28, 2019 at 1:25 am #206214
In my opinion, as harsh as it sounds, I think he’s holding on to you until he can find someone else. Did you confront him about the texts at all?
cyclesaroundParticipantAugust 28, 2019 at 6:59 am #206220
OMG…I’m I the same boat but my bf lies about money. All I can say is that after 5 years and lots of promises as well as me leaving him only to reconcile b/c we love each other, I’m miserable!! Run and don’t look behind it only gets a lot harder.
wabbitParticipantAugust 28, 2019 at 7:23 am #206226
Just ask yourself what he would do if the things were the other way around? If you were texting with a colleague and sending him songs etc… the answer is obvious…
deepvioletParticipantAugust 28, 2019 at 2:35 pm #206283
You are not reading into it too much. While I don’t agree with going behind someone’s back, and think instead you should always talk to the person face to face first… You trusted your gut feeling and it led to you directly to what you needed to know. Now, I wouldn’t waste any more energy on him. Without trust you have nothing, and he’s not giving you any form of security. Like every time you go back to him, it’s going to be the same outcome of feeling there’s no trust. Do you really want that?
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