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What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!March 18, 2015 at 12:45 am #75545
Hi…I would appreciate any thoughts/advice. I have been together with my boyfriend for 7 years now. We have had the usual conflicts and frustrations but for the most part we have always “clicked” really well and I have never felt so loved by anyone. He has always made me feel secure and that I’m the only one for him. Thought maybe in a few years we would figure out how to merge our lives..well 3 weeks ago he was assaulted and I was given his phone, car key, house keys at the scene. I was looking through his phone to get his family’s numbers to contact and I found texts that made my stomach drop! After more investigating I now know he communicated with more than 20 women since 2012..some just texts/phone chats..some lunch/drinks..some lasted a couple months..a couple more than a year and he was communicating with 2 a week before the assault. I have been visiting everyday and working with him in therapy but he is a stranger. I’m waiting to reveal what I know…for now.March 19, 2015 at 12:15 am #75630
I meant “twilight zone” episode by the way. He is wanting his phone and computer now…I am thinking of bringing it with a letter expressing my disappointment and sadness and heartbreak about his double life that has gone on for who knows how long. When he looks at his phone he will see I have communicated with one of his “friends” she called and texted about a week ago and I let her know I had his phone and I knew what was going on. I was very calm about it but made it clear I was shocked and hurt. Now I need to let him know but he is still in recovery mode so I dont want to go to far. Again I am his main support in this whole thing..I spoke with his father tonight and he thanked me for being there for him.. so hard not to just break down and scream
JadeParticipantMarch 22, 2015 at 9:40 pm #75804
Lynetta, My sincerest condolences, u are probably in shock, wounded & feel insanely betrayed. I see u feel some level of needing to continue to take care of this man? He was living a second life. Here is the real cruel truth, he will not be distraught is you leave him!!! If he pretends to its a mimic,so he can continue to abuse & use u . You are in love with an “illusion” of who in good & loving faith u thougth he was,, not who he really is..I would say he is probably struggling with one or more personality disorders, like NPD or APD…..so no amount of love or your broken heart or hurt will make any difference. that is what is so brutal about situation. A patterns of lies & infidelities & betrayals behind your back is something u need to be thankful for that you found out now, & not later. The other women are victims too, Be as honest as you can w/them. Do not expect to get over this easily or quickly .Anytime u feel weak remember the text & emails, remember u have no idea who this.March 24, 2015 at 8:45 am #75872
Thank you so much Jade ,
Your reply means more than you can know. I do not feel able to discuss this with any friends or family…too embarrassing and humiliating..You are so right that I have to focus on what I know not what I wish…I was in love with someone who really wasnt real…he was a figment of my mind..what he showed me and I thought was real..but yes..he was living a second life. Update! I picked him up last night from rehab place..he was discharged oddly fast…has appointment with his primary doc tomorrow…which I will take him to because I think he needs to have the ok to drive..(I still have car keys) So last night I brought it all up …I gave him his phone and suggested he look at a certain text thread…it proceeded with me telling him I knew what had been going on…I made him give me his phone so I could read certain text msgs out loud to him..from several different women…he wouldnt talk and denied…Im out of characters now but more to story….
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