I have no understanding of what is going on

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I have no understanding of what is going on

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    StevenH29
    StevenH29
    Participant
    August 12, 2018 at 3:59 pm #181412
    I have no understanding of what is going on

    I’ve been friends with this girl Katy since kindergarten, we’ve always been relatively close. After we graduated in june we started snapping and texting a whole lot more then I’d say either one of us expected. I helped her with moving on from a guy she was talking to who said he didn’t want a relationship, she helped me with a few problems I was having just as a person. She always told me she had no friends, but when I tried inviting her to a few things but she always said “No its okay”. I went to her graduation party which I should not have gone to under the influence, but, I ended up telling her straight to her face that I did not want to date her. I apologized to her on snap, text, and in person. She told me not to worry about it. I just have no idea what she is thinking ever. I don’t know if I want a relationship with her or not. I keep telling myself no but I have that part of me that just doesn’t want her to get hurt like other guys did to her before. I am just really confused.

    so_secret
    so_secret
    Participant
    August 12, 2018 at 4:44 pm #181414

    If you want to date her date her but don’t keep dragging her along to try to save her feelings. In the long run, it will only hurt her more.

    mfernandam
    mfernandam
    Participant
    August 13, 2018 at 12:38 pm #181466

    hold off on dating her,just keep her as a friend if you truly dont want her to get hurt, being unsure will hurt her more than anything. Trust me, especially if she has been hurt before, if you pick her up and she falls in love with you, you will hurt her even worse than the last person and you will lose her forever, even as a friend, she will never be able to trust you again.
    Now, you run the risk of her meeting someone else and if it turns out to be the right person for her you will also lose the chance to become something else but she will still love you.You are in a complicated situation cause you can lose her either way but if i where you i would wait, stay friends and help her restore her self esteem as a friend and remind her that she deserves better and not to rush into anything, that every guy she opens her heart to, is lucky and if they cant see that they are not worthy of her, before you know it u will both be in love, your doubts will go away and know it

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    August 13, 2018 at 2:20 pm #181486

    “I just have no idea what she is thinking ever. I don’t know if I want a relationship with her or not.”
    Sounds like you have no ideal what (either of you) is thinking!

    You have to be honest with yourself.
    Why did you feel the need to tell a girl you are NOT dating that you didn’t want to date her?

    You said: “I tried inviting her to a few things but she {always} said “No its okay”.
    Clearly this indicates SHE has no romantic interest in YOU.

    “I have that part of me that just doesn’t want her to get hurt like other guys did to her before.”
    Sympathy is a poor excuse for getting involved with someone!
    A true “platonic friend” provides ears to listen and shoulders to cry on.

    Lastly it’s easier for an ex-lover to become the “best friend” than it is for the “best friend” to become someone’s lover!
    Some girls go through a (“bad boy” phase) whereby they’re not attracted to “nice guys”.
    Their motto seems to be: “We adore those who ignore us and ignore those who adore us.”

    Andrelecoz
    Andrelecoz
    Participant
    August 14, 2018 at 9:16 pm #181607

    “She always told me she had no friends, but when I tried inviting her to a few things but she always said “No its okay”.” To me that’s her telling you she’s not into you, thats what i take from that.

    “i went to her graduation party which I should not have gone to under the influence, but, I ended up telling her straight to her face that I did not want to date her.”

    What gave you the impression that you had to her you didnt want to date her? were you talking about dating in the first place and this was you turning her down?

    “i don’t know if I want a relationship with her or not. I keep telling myself no but I have that part of me that just doesn’t want her to get hurt like other guys did to her before. I am just really confused.”

    This sounds simple enough from what im seeing here. Its not up to you to shield her and mother cuddle her from her own feelings of getting hurt. You have to believe in the strength of people that they have the courage to find the will in themselves.