I hope you like reading the ramblings of an anxious 27-yo

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I hope you like reading the ramblings of an anxious 27-yo

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    BWKeegan
    BWKeegan
    Participant
    December 19, 2019 at 11:01 pm #226820
    I hope you like reading the ramblings of an anxious 27-yo

    Met this girl about 4 months ago via friends wedding (she was a bridesmaid and I a groomsman). I think she’s cute, she shares feeling towards me. Get to talking more after wedding and go on a date. First date goes well and so does second and third. Taking things SLOW (which is nice). She and I talk more and more. She got out of long-term relationship of three years just a few months ago. She got cheated on. Hurt a lot. Not trying to jump into new relationship right away. “Working on herself” now (which is cool tbh). After a few dates more, we have sex (I’ve got no stamina, but I can eat out for hours, like a fat boy at a buffet). Things go well for a while. Keep having quick sex (my bad), but it’s fun. FF to a month later and I’m at a party w/her dude cousin and a few more of her dude friends (dudes all share one house). Toward end of party, Big Chungus friend is a dick and makes a scene because he can’t take a light-hearted joke. Oh well. Start being dick back (cause fuck it)….

    BWKeegan
    BWKeegan
    Participant
    December 19, 2019 at 11:16 pm #226821

    FF to next day and she and I are at my friends bbq. She knows people there and some of my friends via double dates. She’s sitting by herself, so I make sure she’s doing alright. Look over later and she’s still by herself not talking to anyone, so I check in again. FF to a few hours later at my friends house… I guess I checked in too many times that night because my buddy’s wife (the newlyweds from the beginning of the story) screams at me, “YOU’RE BEING CLINGY! YOU’RE BEING CLINGY!” (Great. Guess I need to distance myself some??) I do and the next week feels like shit because I’m being petty about being called clingy, but also because girl I have feelings for can’t tell me to kindly take my metaphorical foot off the proverbial gas pedal. My friends wife didn’t help with dealing with that one. Talked to girl face-to-face about not liking how all that went down and that she can talk to me about things because it pertains directly to me. Settles down, but now the closeness we had in…

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 20, 2019 at 12:21 am #226823

    “She got out of long-term relationship of three years just a few months ago…”
    “…Not trying to jump into new relationship right away.”

    First of all you are NOT in a relationship!
    She told you from the outset she didn’t want to jump into a relationship.
    Apparently you couldn’t just leave it at having casual sex and giving her the space she wants.
    You should have been dating and hooking up with OTHER women once she made it clear she doesn’t want a commitment!

    Your “checking in” multiple times could easily be mistaken for being clingy or wanting a relationship.
    Secondly you’re afraid she is going to have sex with other guys because you have issues with being premature.
    If being a better lover was all that important to you you’d (do some research) to find ways to improve that situation!

    Move on, give her some space and find someone who wants what you want.
    Stop showing up at places you know she will be. She has your number if she wants to reach you.

    BWKeegan
    BWKeegan
    Participant
    December 20, 2019 at 8:17 am #226824

    The beginning has gotten a bit farther apart. No fighting or confrontations of the sort has happened between the two of us since, but I still feel the lack of closeness we had before… throughout the next month or two, she’s been feeling shitty because of her memories of her ex. Pretty sure she misses being close with a person (not specifically with her ex), but also misses the happiness she felt in her last relationship that was ruined by her ex…

    So, now, here I am trying to remove the wrench from the cogs of building a relationship with her (unless I’m completely overthinking this and it’s actually going just fine) and continue building onto what we have. I’m also here to try to help her feel better about what happened between her and her ex and try to build more trust between the two of us. I want to help her get over how he played her.

    Here’s where I turn to those of you who were kind enough to stick around this far. How do I help her? Help me help another. I care so much

    BWKeegan
    BWKeegan
    Participant
    December 20, 2019 at 8:17 am #226825

    You’re making some big assumptions there buddy

    BWKeegan
    BWKeegan
    Participant
    December 20, 2019 at 8:17 am #226827

    Damn. I failed to hit “submit” for the last third of my story and it got deleted. :/

    But yeah, at the time, the closeness we had before was a little less close. Then she had a breakdown about the ex and I held her through it. She cried a lot and I was oblivious about what to do except keep my mouth shut and hold her closely. We went out after the crying and had a good time. She taking her out and making her laugh and whatnot helped a lot (which I’m actually quite proud of). We got massages a week later and laughed about getting naked in front of old Asian ladies lol. Last week, I gave her a Christmas gift and I think she liked it. She had another bad day today and I felt really bad that I couldn’t be there for her because I was at work. We’re going to spend time with each other tomorrow (hopefully all day and night). I’m looking forward to seeing her, because I have a couple relationship questions I want to ask and I also need to express how much I want to help her through the th…

    BWKeegan
    BWKeegan
    Participant
    December 20, 2019 at 8:17 am #226828

    Dude, you suck with advice