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seanthemanParticipantMarch 6, 2015 at 11:59 am #74933
I am a musician, involved with a group of novice musicians for training and performing as well. Recently, a woman joined our group, and she actually plays the same instrument as me, same skill level, and we are both the same age (22 and 23). I have known her somewhat before, but never actually talked like we are now. I find myself talking to her a lot, discussing careers, family, sexuality (usually in the form of inuendos, so more jokingly) and just every day things. I have found myself to be thinking about her often, and I have an attraction to her. She has an attraction as well, the way she smiles at me when I see her, and the physical contact we have. She…has a young child though, whom she had with a man she was intending to marry, and who passed away in a car accident that also left her a injured. She intends to go into university soon. I don’t know what to do. I am not financially ready for a child, but something makes me want to be with her.
ChoicesParticipantMarch 7, 2015 at 5:50 pm #74977
Having a child is a huge responsibility and you are still very young! You still have a good few years to be free of huge responsibilities, have fun and live your life a bit.
Best advice my Dad gave me, although I was clever and didn’t listen. “Be selfish for as long as you can, because once you chose to settle with a partner and have children, it’s not about you anymore. It’s all about them!!! So, if you want that pair of boots go out and buy them, because when you settle down you won’t be able to”
That being said, I had my first daughter at 25 (I have two) and yes, I sacrifice everything for them, even my happiness… and I wouldn’t change them for the world! I cannot imagine life without them and they give you a whole new purpose. But they are mine! I’m not sure it would be easy to sacrifice for someone elses children? Life will def change. You won’t have much of a social life & you will never really be “Mommy’s” number one.
BUT, they do say love conquers all? Good luck 🙂
Bowhunter_33ParticipantMarch 7, 2015 at 8:28 pm #74979
Your really gonna have to weigh out the child option if u can’t handle it u shouldn’t do it
seanthemanParticipantMarch 10, 2015 at 9:28 am #75110
Thanks for the replies. I do want to take it slow with this woman. She is not pressing anything on me about being a father to her son. Her family takes care of her son quite a bit, so she is not constantly tied down to watching him 24/7. As for a social life, I am not a very social person anyway, and with work and uni, I don’t get out much. One day, I don’t think I will mind being a father to her son, if it does get to that point. It is still a very unique situation for me, I have never been interested in a woman with children, but suddenly this happened, where we just developed a connection and interest in each other.
Is this weird though? Does it happen to many people, and how do parents usually take this situation (my parents). I have chosen not to tell my parents about her being more than a friend, as my parents are quite strict and overbearing. I figure the less they know, the less stress I will face because of them.
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