I love a Dismissive Avoidant man & don't know what else to do?

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I love a Dismissive Avoidant man & don't know what else to do?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    August 8, 2018 at 5:53 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    JJP35
    JJP35
    Participant
    July 30, 2018 at 2:33 pm #180507
    I love a Dismissive Avoidant man & don't know what else to do?

    I love a dismissive/avoidant man that is truly one of the most beautiful, hilarious and gentle people I have been blessed to know. This remains true to this very day, 5 years since we began dating, 4 years since he moved to the other side of the country for a job in the mines, 2.5 years since he broke up with me.. and despite his seeking me out every couple months only to freak out and run away again since.
    This man has very little skill in navigating his emotional world, and as his father modelled for him defaults to complete numb shutdown when his emotional climate rises or falls below neutral. He still loves me, and although even his family and friends would never pick it, he lives a truly isolated and lonely life making sure he fills his days so there is little opportunity to reflect, think or feel. It concerns me deeply.
    Just before Christmas was the closest we’ve been to getting back together. He invited me to his family christmas lunch – which is huge for him – but spooked short

    JJP35
    JJP35
    Participant
    July 30, 2018 at 2:34 pm #180508

    shortly after my accepting his invitation and shut me out, flying back to work without seeing me again.
    We have talked intermittently since. He has admitted on two occasions that he misses me & recently told me he’d be home soon for a couple weeks and wants to see me. He is generally aloof and says very little these days but I can sense that this has now got him spooked and second guessing the idea of seeing me again.
    He will be back in three days. I am at a loss as to how best approach the situation. I have a secure attachment style although on occasion can get a little anxious which is pretty understandable under the circumstances.
    How does one lead the way to a connected life in a way that can inspire an avoidant to be brave?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    August 2, 2018 at 10:16 am #180678

    “I love a Dismissive Avoidant man & don’t know what else to do?” – Whyyyyyyyyyyy?
    Not long ago I read a quote: “Love is like a fart, if you have to force it; it’s probably sh*t!”

    If someone has to “change” in order to make a relationship work it generally means you’re with the {wrong person}.
    The goal is to find someone who (already is) the kind of person you want to be with!

    Very few people are walking around with one hand raised in the air screaming: “I’m looking for someone to change me!”
    Too often women let their nurturing side affect their judgment and what is best for themselves.
    They invest a lot of time trying to “figure men out” and hoping one day he’ll realize how special she is and change his ways.
    Life is too short to be taking on projects and trying to change water into wine.
    It’s not your job to “fix” anyone. Nor do you want to spend your life riding the bench (waiting for him) to call you into the game.

    Suffering is optional. Simplify your life. Move on!