I NEED ADVICE!

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I NEED ADVICE!

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    November 11, 2018 at 8:29 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    missjewelz
    missjewelz
    Participant
    October 20, 2018 at 4:09 pm #187608
    I NEED ADVICE!

    I started working as a receptionist a year ago at a firm, and I noticed that I had chemistry and attraction with one of the higher ups. He’s 17 years old than me, I just turned 32. I could tell he liked me and was attracted to me the first time he looked at me. I had to quit my job few months ago for school reasons and I was extremely sad because I wasnt going to see him anymore. We didnt talk very much as he was a boss, but there was definitely a strong connection between us. The problem is hes engaged, and, Ive been with my boyfriend for a while now, he just proposed to me a few months ago and I said yes, but I am not entirely happy. I feel I started to outgrow my boyfriend, and felt like I just settled.When I told the higher up at my job, I was leaving, he was shocked and looked extremely sad. He ran over to my desk after he was done interviewing and almost tripped and he spilled coffee. He asked me hastily where I was going, and I said im leaving for school reasons. He looked as

    missjewelz
    missjewelz
    Participant
    October 20, 2018 at 4:14 pm #187609

    if though I dissed him, because he knew I liked him, and just to leave out of nowhere. I think I hurt his manly ego. The whole time I was there, i was very friendly with him and he just knew I liked him, so I didnt even give him a heads up that I was leaving, I told him I was leaving the very day of like an hour before my shift was over. He looked so devastated, but I told him I would remain on call with the firm. He ended up leaving before me on my last day and as hes about to leave he puts his briefcase down right infront of my desk and he starts rolling up his sleeves and fixing his tie and starring right at me. It was obvious hes tryna flirt and tell me he likes me. I end up starring at him but then I look away, and he comes even closer to my desk and we end up gazing into each others eyes after that. It was hard for me to look away, and I felt I starred him down. That has never happened to me before ever in my whole life, I dont know why i couldnt take my eyes off of him,. I felt

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    October 21, 2018 at 9:42 am #187626

    “The problem is hes engaged, and, Ive been with my boyfriend for a while now, he just proposed to me a few months ago and I said yes, but I am not entirely happy. I feel I started to outgrow my boyfriend, and felt like I just settled.” If your goal is to cheat there’s nothing to stop you.

    People love to “romanticize obstacles” and that sounds like what you’re doing here.
    You both are engaged to other people and now you’re not going to be around one another.
    The fantasy in your mind is you both dump your fiancés, date, fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after.
    That’s not going to happen because he doesn’t feel like he “settled” for his fiancé. He proposed to her.
    Just because he wants to hookup with a cute receptionist doesn’t mean he’s looking to replace his fiancé.

    As for you and your fiancé there’s really no such thing as settling. If you truly felt you had a “better option” you’d take it!
    People always take the BEST option available based upon cost or effort they will expend.

    missjewelz
    missjewelz
    Participant
    October 22, 2018 at 8:24 am #187610

    like I embarrassed myself because I complexity gave my feelings away for him in that moment. He keeps looking at me too, and it goes on for a few minutes, until he finally says hes leaving for the day. He was totally flirting infront of my desk and acting as if though I was a mirror fixing himself in-front of me. This happened in April, and I couldnt stop thinking about him even though I had just gotten engaged myself!. SO i had the chance to go help out the firm in late June, and I jumped on the opportunity because I could see him again. I went back and he looked embarassed because he gave his feelings away for me, and I dont think he expcted me to be back. The attraction was still there, and he tried to get my attention, but I was so shy and embaraased after me starring him down the first time I left, it was hard for me to look at him when I came back. I was actually avoiding him even though he wanted my attention. I was there just 3 weeks and had got upset with my HR, so I told the

    missjewelz
    missjewelz
    Participant
    October 22, 2018 at 8:24 am #187611

    like I was falling in love with him, and our interactions were always limited. I had the chance to go back in late June to help out, and I jumped at the chance knowing I could see him again. The attraction was very much still there but it was hard for me to look at him this time, I was embarrassed at how badly I starred him down the first time I left. So when I came back I actually was avoiding him, I was very nervous around him. Hes older, successful with money and Im still in school and working on my career,. I asked myself, why does he like me? Im no where near his level of success just yet, and were both engaged. Anyway lets just say when I came back, it was very tense and really awkward between us! We were both embarassed by flirting with each other intensely the first time I left, because now we have to work around each other knowing we both really like each other! He tried to get my attention and I ingored him tryna keep it professional, but I feel like I ruined it between us.

    missjewelz
    missjewelz
    Participant
    October 22, 2018 at 8:25 am #187612

    Anyway I feel like I’m in love with him. He was already engaged when I started last year. I just had gotten engaged before I let, but this has made me realize I need to reevaluate my relationship. Im not truly happy. So I ended up going back to the firm in Late June, the attraction was still there but it was awkard between us,he tried to get my attention, I avoided him and tried to keep it professional. I feel like I ruined my chances now. I still think about him everyday and were October now. I had issues with the HR at my job there and I told him that I would not go back in a future position because HR is so unethical. The last words he said to me were ‘hope to see you again, even after I told him I wouldnt be back. What am I supposed to do now? I dont think a girl should chase a guy, I know I left the firm but I did go back so that at least showed him I was still interested. I am looking for future positions, when I get one should I email him to let him know I went to another firm?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    October 22, 2018 at 1:04 pm #187686

    “Hes older, successful with money and Im still in school and working on my career,. I asked myself, why does he like me?”

    Most men aren’t looking for a woman to take care of them financially.
    Most guys would rather date a “hot looking cocktail waitress” over a “Plain Jane heart surgeon”.

    Having said that you’re not “in love” with this man. You’re infatuated.
    You’ve never spent any alone time, gone out on a date, kissed, held hands, or had any meaningful conversations.
    It’s impossible to truly love someone you don’t know. This is a crush!

    When you told him you were leaving {he didn’t ask you for your phone number or your personal email}.
    If he were really “into you” he would have made an effort to stay in contact with you!

    Trust me when I tell this guy has no plans breakoff his engagement and start a new life with you.
    If man wants to be with you he will pursue you. This is especially true of older men with life experience.
    For your own sake it would be best for you to move on.

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    October 22, 2018 at 2:43 pm #187711

    he’s engaged. you’re engaged.
    you may not be happy with your engagement (thus break it off) – but he is not breaking it off with his.
    this is a major lose-lose situation.

    GOLDEN RULE: never ever think there is somethign possible with somebody already committed – NEVER! If they wanted to be with somebody else – they wouldn’t be committed to the person they are committed to. A committed person ALWAYS goes back to the person they were committed to in a “triangle” situation. Don’t become another “other person” that gets hurt on this one.

    IF he leaves his committment and you HAVE PROOF OF IT (lots of people like to lie and say they’re “separated” or “breaking up” that never break up)- THEN MAYBE its okay to pursue. but watch out for rebound as well. Don’t be the rebound relationship that gets hurt either!

    rawan99
    rawan99
    Participant
    October 23, 2018 at 2:07 pm #187745

    He may see you as a good friend, so be careful.