I Need Some Advice!


I Need Some Advice!

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    February 18, 2013 at 8:36 pm #22939
    I Need Some Advice!

    In October of last year (2012) I became friends with a very sweet and loving woman that is just a couple years older than I am. I am 30 yrs old. She is going through a divorce and has three kids. Only one of which is from this marriage. She is legally separated but she is still waiting for the divorce to be finalized which should be by the end of March. After a month or two we fell in love and started spending time with each other, and I started spending time with the kids, we talked and texted constantly, and we would see each other at least once or twice a week. We took things slow because of the divorce not being finalized and just had fun. Things seemed perfect between us. Even her kids fell in love with me.

    About 5 days ago she told me that she just wanted to slow down and be friends for now until the divorce was finalized at the end of next month. She told me that she was spending too much time focusing on me, because I was such a great thing in her life, that she was putting off the other things that she needed to do for the divorce. Like find a new home for her and the kids, finalizing the paperwork for the divorce, etc. She was worried that she wouldn’t be ready for the divorce since it was getting so close. She also stated that her soon to be ex was making threats that he would use our relationship in court to try and take custody of their child. And she didn’t want to take a chance on that happening because then she would blame herself for falling for me so soon before things were finalized. She also stated that her life was so confusing right now that she was having a hard time focusing on anything.

    During the conversation she stated that I was the best thing in her life besides her kids and she loved me with all of her heart. She also stated that she always wanted me to be in her life and that we needed to stay in touch until the divorce was over. She told me that when the divorce was finalized we could try to pick things back up and move on with our relationship. She also stated that it wasn’t fair for me to have to wait and that if I wanted to move on without her I could do so. I of course told her that I understand her situation and would always be here for no matter what and that I would never stop loving her. I also told her that as long as she wanted me in her life I would stick around through the divorce so that we could have a life together afterwards. The conversation ended with us kissing, hugging, and stating that we love each other etc.. We texted for a while later that night and everything seemed fine.

    Ever since that night she hardly texts me. She usually texted me in the morning and told me to have a great day, etc. She would also randomly text me throughout the day just to see how I was doing. I of course would do the same thing for her. The only time we talk now is if I text her first and when I finally end up texting her it usually takes her a while to respond. Sometimes she doesn’t respond at all until I text her later on that day. And when we do text she just stops after a text or two and in mid conversation and I don’t hear anything else from her for the rest of the day. I asked her if I was bothering her with my texts and she stated that I wasn’t and that she was glad I texted her. The one time she did text me first she again stopped after just a couple of texts.

    I don’t understand what is going on. Am I just crazy? I feel like I am being ignored. I know the divorce is less than a month away but I just can’t comprehend what is going on. If she really loves me like she says why is she not talking anymore? Should I just keep texting her ever day and show that I am still here for her or should I just stop and see what happens? Should I text her and just be forward with her and tell her I feel like I am being ignored? I dont want to put anymore strain on her life especially after I said I would be patient with her. I really do love this woman and I want things to work out between us. I’m sorry for making this such a long thread but I wanted you all to have as much info as possible. Any suggestions, thoughts, or words of wisdom would be appreciated.

    February 19, 2013 at 11:47 am #23023

    Oh my goodness. dude she LITERALLY said sh’e s going through the toughest part of her life..back off. I mean the paragraph where you guys kissed, hugged and text and everything seemed fine, seemed like you really understood the situation. Then Bam, the next paragraph is like a sobbing monkey. Ohhhhh, why doesn’t she text me!! Woe is meeee!

    Gimmie a break. You’re completely backfiring on what you said you would do and you’re not holding your word. You WILL find her backing away from you if you don’t stop. You can be replaced, believe me. She’ll find a guy who is just as charming and can play with her kids AFTER the divorce [[[ if you don’t settle down.]]] Stop staring at your phone and go pick up a hobby or something. Leave this poor woman alone, even if it’s for a week! You’ll be fine, just get over yourself a bit and let her straighten out her life. Her EX is trying to pin the custody on you! That’s serious shit. You should be way off onto the sidelines so you don’t ruin a family’s life.

    Just check up on her and be supportive, stop being sellfish and stop barking at her door for attention. she had the decency of letting you go for a bit and not stringing you along, do her a favor and listen and let her breathe.