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Rockchick26ParticipantJanuary 19, 2013 at 10:09 am #20812
I’m going to make this simple so it’s easy to read. Me and this guy, a coworker, have been “dating” (?) for 3 months. I dont know if we are an actual couple, friends with benefits, or if he’s just trying to use me for sex. Here is a list of all the good and bad things about this situation.
-The first 2 months he was like a lovesick puppy, talking to me as much as possible, smiling REALLY big every time we talked, asking me to hang out almost every day after work.
-Told me the more time he spends with me, the more he wants to spend time with me.
-When we hang out after work, it’s usually cuddling on his bed watching a movie, some kissing, and he always wants me to sleep over, when I sit up to leave, he pulls me back and doesnt want to let me go.
-Shows me a lot of affection at work, affectionate & flirty touching, puts his arm around me, in front of anyone, he doesn’t care.
-He knows I like to move slow so he didn’t even try to kiss me until we had been “dating” for a month and a half
-Told me i’m the only reason he keeps this job.
-He switched to my shift at work, it’s pretty obvious he did it to be around me more.
-When we weren’t going to see each other for a few weeks, he told me like 5 times he was gonna miss me.
-It’s kind of against the rules to date here but he told me he doesn’t care if he gets fired if we get caught.
-He has told me he isn’t good at talking about his feelings and doesn’t like to involve them because all the girls he dates end up being crazy.
-Doesn’t call or text me (unless I do it first) when one of us is off work.
-Has stopped asking me to hang out after work for the last 2 weeks, even though in the beginning he was asking me almost every day. But he said yes to hanging out when I asked him 2 out of 3 times.
-Sometimes acts distant, for example walking out of work without talking to me, or walking into work and going right past me without even saying hi.
So my question is, why is he acting this way? This last week at work has been AMAZING, lots of affectionate cuddling, hugging, tickling, flirting, random touching, lots of talking, we still hang out together on break and play games, etc. But he wont ask me to hang out after work and cuddle on his bed anymore. I have held back the sex because I dont know if we are an actual couple or not and I dont want to be used for that.
an artists logicParticipantJanuary 21, 2013 at 11:43 pm #20873
There are plenty of potential explanations here, but ultimately he’s the only one that can say for sure.
slobeachboyParticipantMarch 10, 2013 at 10:27 pm #25395
Okay, I’m going to try and help you out here, although probably a few months too late. First of all when you say you have been “holding back on the sex” does that mean that you have never had sex with him, or that you just recently started holding back the sex because of his change in attitude. Because if you have never had sex with him, even after 3 long months of “dating”, then I’d have to say that totally explains his behavior. In fact, if that’s the case I’d say the guy has been exceptionally patient with you up to this point. And if that’s the case I’m also guessing that you are both teenagers. After all its not all that unusual for High School girls to make their boyfriends wait an agonizingly long time before having sex with them. On the other hand you did say that you and he might be “friends with benefits” and since “benefits” refers to sex that would mean you are definitely already having sex. So I’m naturally a bit confused.
Well whatever the case may be, one thing is clear and that is, (if you really made this guy wait two month to even kiss you) that you need to educate yourself as to the nature of the male sex drive. And the best way to do that is to first go on a fast, eating nothing and only drinking water for 48 hours. Then sit down at the dinner table with your family and watch them all eat in front of you while you are not allowed to eat anything yourself. Then all you have to do at that moment is to realize that this is exactly how your boyfriend feels when he is kissing and cuddling with you in bed without being able to have sex, only ten thousands times worse than that. Then try to imagine going through that day after day after day for three month and then maybe you can understand why he doesn’t want to have you in his bed at night any more putting him through that kind of torture. I personally love to cuddle right after sex, but trying to do it without have sex, especially when kissing, can be sheer torture.
As for whether the guy just wants to use you for sex I cant say without meeting him but the truth is you can never know for sure and sometimes you just have to take a chance in life. We all get used for sex at least once in our lives, even us guys. Anyway, if he’s stuck it out for three months there is probably a decent chance that he really likes you, and for more than just the possibility of sex.
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