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somethingcleverParticipantOctober 16, 2014 at 6:00 pm #66052
I need a bit of advice: I have been hanging out with a guy recently a lot more than usual. I am a very open person and I talk about everything and anything and I am very big on close plantonic friendships with all genders. I have been told before that my behaviour sometimes gets a little close to flirting so I think I might have given him the wrong msg. He used to have a girlfriend but broke up with her 2 weeks ago and ever since that he has been even more present in my live and also initiating a lot more physical contact (which in general I don’t mind and plantonic cuddlling is pretty standard with me). Today he ‘used me as a pillow’ aka in between classes he took a nap using my lap as a pillow while I was reading. I didn’t think anything of it at the time until someone from my course walked by and gave me a very confused look. I thought that I had made it very clear that I am currently not interested in anyone but I’m afraid he didn’t get the msg. Am I reading too much into this?
DuluParticipantOctober 16, 2014 at 10:17 pm #66063
Without sounding like an a$$, you are very clearly leading him on. (From a guys perspective mind-you).
He wants you.
lisaParticipantOctober 17, 2014 at 10:17 am #66081
I understand where you’re coming from. I used to be the same way…
Now, You say he broke up with his gf 2 weeks ago. Then he may not be interested in you per se, but interested in the gf experience – especially if she broke up with him. As for the confused look, was your friend face in or face out? If he was face in (facing your stomach), anyone would have given you the confused look b/c I’m sure you know what that suggests.
Why don’t you start by asking him why he and his gf broke up? If he says something along the lines of “I like someone else” then maybe he is interested in you and then you can tell him how you feel.
However, before you talk to him, you need to seriously ask yourself why you’re not interested in this guy. Like I said, I used to be very much like you and, trust me, you don’t want to end up like me. The fact that you bring it up here, says that a part of would like to see where things go with him but there’s something holding you back.
somethingcleverParticipantOctober 17, 2014 at 4:10 pm #66122
@Dulu, no worries, not the first person to tell me that, I think that might be something I actually have to work on and set clear boundaries from the start so that everyone is on the same page.
@lisa He was facing outward, otherwise I wouldn’t have been comfortable anyway, the look was more of a ‘oh are you two dating now or what’ look, which kind of spooked me. I think I might actually do that and ask him why he broke up with his gf, he has been talking to me about it anyway, so it shouldn’t be too difficult to bring it up. I actualyl already know why I am not interested in him. (Sadly) the biggest point for me that there is no physical attraction what so ever, like there is nothing about him that I find good looking. On an emotional basis I could see myself in a relationship with him, but he also has some worldviews that I strongly disagree with (mostly that we once had a discussion about consent and that he sees it more of a challenge when a girl says no and not as a ‘stop’)
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