I think I blew it with this girl

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I think I blew it with this girl

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    September 9, 2018 at 4:23 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    jason88cubs
    jason88cubs
    Participant
    June 21, 2018 at 8:11 pm #177702
    I think I blew it with this girl

    I’ve been on a few dates with this 27 year old and it’s been a good time and she comes off as interested. Lately she’s been a bit busy with work and looking for a new place to live and she’s been having a bit of trouble finding a place.

    Meanwhile I’ve been trying to set up another date and it just hasn’t happened with her work, her child and life.

    I felt like I was getting a bit pushy, she hadn’t mention I had been, and I sent her a message basically saying “I feel like ive been a bit pushy and coming on to strong with you and I don’t know if you have felt the same but it hasn’t been my intention. I know you got some stuff going on and I understand that you’re busy ,so if it feels like I been coming on too strong I apologize”

    She replied back “I’m just trying to find a place and get moved, after that it will be a lot easier ”

    I said “I understand, i know you’ve been looking hopefully it works out soon for ya”

    Like 3 hours later it hit me what I sent and I totally cringed. Why the

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    June 28, 2018 at 11:19 am #178229

    There are two possibilities….

    1. She lost interest in you or doesn’t see you as being “the one” for her. So she tells you she’s busy to create space.

    2. She really (is) busy.

    Instead of you supplying her with a list of possible places she might move to you’re only thinking about yourself.
    Be a part of the solution and not something else she has to contend with. This doesn’t require you to give her any money.
    A few Google searches, Apartment finders, Trulia, Zillow, and so on should be of some help.

    Lastly if you’ve only been on a (few dates) don’t assume you’re in an exclusive relationship!

    Keep your options open by dating other women! You said: “she comes off as interested.”
    And yet YOU are the one who feels “pushy”. That doesn’t exactly sound like the interest is mutual.

    Does she ever initiate contact with you? Talk about future date options?
    Did you make out on any of these dates? Spent the night together?
    There’s no uncertainty if she’s( into you).

    Sebastian Cobb
    Sebastian Cobb
    Participant
    June 29, 2018 at 4:39 pm #178478

    I agree with the above comment. It could be either of the 2 possibilities, or both. Perhaps by making yourself too available, the “balance” has shifted, and she doesn’t feel excited any more.

    I hope that’s not the case, and that she’s just been busy, but if it is – it’s ok. I’ve been there. Plenty of times.

    WelshDude
    WelshDude
    Participant
    July 1, 2018 at 3:40 am #178525

    i see

    paxandq
    paxandq
    Participant
    July 2, 2018 at 5:48 am #178565

    You’re honestly worrying too much. The way it seems you won’t see her anyways till she moves. So till then you can’t do anything about the situation. Just act like you always would minus the “trying to set up a date” part.

    mhdr169
    mhdr169
    Participant
    July 2, 2018 at 1:40 pm #178588

    It sounds like she is going through a bit of a stressful time or a rough patch and she just needs some space. This doesn’t mean she is uninterested, just that she had other things going on that need to be a higher priority. I mean you said she has a child. She’s not just looking for a place for herself, she’s providing for a child as well. I would say you just need to chill on the dating part for now. Be a good friend. Offer solutions rather than focusing on your feelings and how much you want to see her again. Give her space, show you understand what she’s going through, and when she’s ready, she will remember how kind and thoughtful and maybe even helpful you were and those will be attractive qualities in the end. And if she really just isn’t interested, you can leave the situation behind in peace knowing that you made your Best effort just to be a kind and helpful human being. If she isn’t interested when this all passes over, you need to move on.

    Mike2466
    Mike2466
    Participant
    July 6, 2018 at 4:07 pm #178697

    Dating a single mom is difficult. There is an extra level of stress they have that we will never understand. Her and the Childs life will always come first, until sometime in the future you actually become a priority. As the new guy coming in you basically have to prove yourself worthy in a confident manner. This isn’t like dating a normal single woman. Mothers do need extra space, time, etc…And women do not speak in riddles like many men assume. When a woman states something it is 99.9% of the time literal. If the statement is: “I need to get that done before another date.” That exactly what it is. Show support in a subtle way. Offer assistance, but leave it at that. Maybe she accepts and maybe she doesn’t…But at least she knows you were nice enough to help and that you understand the situation. Men love to panic and assume the worst. This makes you look insecure and selfish because you’re coming off more worried about having the date than her living situation.

    bufcarp
    bufcarp
    Participant
    July 17, 2018 at 9:17 pm #179646

    I would just back off and let her make the next move !