i think i messed up


i think i messed up

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    April 24, 2013 at 2:12 am #29479
    i think i messed up

    this is not going to be short. if no advice can come out of it, i hope you at least find it entertaining.

    i’m in my middle twenties, like to think of myself that i try to stay drama free, i am (and always have been) surrounded by men (both at workplace and outside – i play competitively in a few leagues every week)
    i became single a couple months ago (so haven’t been on the dating scene for a long while) and i’m not looking for a rebound (or at least i don’t think i am).
    i enjoy sex a bit more than the average person so if i get in the mood …i go for what i want and make sure to be straight-forward about it.
    recently i was on a trip with lots of people from the league. me and one of the guys that i had my eyes on for a while (in a sexual way) were alone for less than 2 minutes before we start to make out like there was no tomorrow. he’s in his late 30s, similar character to mine, no bullshit approach, very straight-forward, bad guy look but one of the most honest people (according to other sources).

    we decide to get a hotel room but later realize that it would be possible for the others to notice so we just tease each other and decide to leave it for later.

    we talk about it after we sober up, decide to keep the deal up, and both of us warn each other that this is a fling. he later says this is not his usual style and that we can see what happens later, if it goes anywhere ok, if not…also ok

    after lots of anticipation, we end up finishing what we started a few days later. his behavior was not as expected and “offered” to give me a ride home 2 hours into it.

    i would call that a miserable fail and a terrible attitude. the sex was good but not as passionate as i would’ve liked, the ride home was silent and it was awkward.

    we stopped texting/calling each other immediately after that night. one week later we run into each other at league and he seems very excited to see me and introduces me to his daughter. (yes, he’s been known to have mood swings)

    that was not enough to make me forget the bullshit from the week before so i decide to keep the promise i made to myself not to fall for him again.

    HOWEVER, for the past couple of months i had been flirting with another guy (around 40) that seemed very sweet and respectful
    the flirting was always innocent and it was something that everybody was aware of and picking on us about (in a good way)

    and here is where stupid takes over. it just so happens that the 2nd guy decides to invite me out less than a week later. a couple other people encourage me to do so and assure me that he’s a good guy.

    needless to say, me being a genius, i end up in bed with this man a week after the previous one. i knew that the other guy had no bussiness with me and wasn’t interested in anything else and i know he’s very discreet so my drunk ass decided to go for it.

    just as things get hot and steamy with the new guy (who looks like he has serious intentions), i receive messages from the 1st guy thanking me for being cool with his daughter and that she really liked me. all of a sudden i get this chill down my spine and think that the 1st guy actually is trying to change approach and try to get to know me. well, too late, i’m thinking.

    after that night, the new guy starts calling and texting every day, nothing cheesy but little non-sense reminding me he exists. not clingy either. just cute. and there i was enjoying the sunshine and thinking that i get the drama free life i wanted just to be interrupted from my nirvana by the news that the two guys are good friends.

    well, that’s great! if i knew that 3 days earlier… things would be different.

    and here is where the problem really comes. the two were hanging out one evening (alongside others, which i find out from facebook news feed) and i receive a message from guy nr 1 that read: “i guess i was not good enough”.

    my reaction? i did not reply. what i’m thinking is that guy nr 2 couldn’t keep his mouth shut and guy nr 1 was disappointed that i moved on (which…mind you…i think i was perfectly entitled to do after the demonstration of “chivalry”).

    now i am in the most awkward position, i have to see these people every week. i am not happy that guy nr 2 decided to let the cat out of the bag to his friends after less than 5 days. the first one at least had the decency not to tell anybody. but i bet guy nr 1 told guy nr2 the whole story, because he stopped calling and texting.

    so…everybody…i hope this thread makes you feel better (because now you can laugh at my poor decisions) and i also hope that i can get some advice about how to deal with the situation.

    just to make it clear, i am not in love with either and i am not looking for a relationship, but healthy monogamous and frequent sex wouldn’t have hurt either.

    April 29, 2013 at 6:23 pm #29921

    Sounds like you do feel guilty though. Ok, so you moved on when one guy gave you the cold shoulder, so what? Well, since you’re in a little love triangle, it seems like you’re trying to make sure things aren’t awkward.

    I say tell guy nbr 1 you thought there weren’t mutual feelings and you moved on. It’s too bad they’re friends but tell guy nbr the situation and how it’s a little awkward for you. Get everyone on the same page and you won’t be bothered by things are.

    My last suggestion. Don’t see either of the guys romantically or sexually any more. They were both looking for a relationship and you aren’t. So have fun with your casual sex life with other dudes, things got weird real quick with these two.