I used to hook up with a girl but things got confusing

DATING ADVICE FORUM

I used to hook up with a girl but things got confusing

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    January 1, 2019 at 10:16 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!

    L8412
    L8412
    Participant
    December 17, 2018 at 2:30 am #191134
    I used to hook up with a girl but things got confusing

    So I used to hook up with this girl. Things got confusing so we sat down and talked about it. We agreed that more wouldn’t work and that we should keep it to what it was. But after that, it felt like she was dropping hints that things weren’t as clear in her mind as she told me they were. She was leaving town for college and I wondered if she didn’t just choose to bury her feelings thinking she would leave town and that would be it. Fast forward a few months. SHE hits me up again one night, tells me we should see each other again soon and how much she misses sleeping with me. We agree I’d head to her places a few days later. The day before I’m supposed to see her, she cancels, saying she’s got stuff to do. I tell her we can see each other some other time if she wants to, to which she asks me if it looks like she wants to. We talked a couple times after and it looks like she still wants to see me, but she feels cold (Then again, she always was while texting). What should I make of this?

    Elle
    Elle
    Participant
    December 18, 2018 at 2:42 pm #191327

    Was there a clear arrangement?
    I had this ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement with a guy I met. I was looking for a relationship at the time, he made clear he really wasn’t. So we decided to make the arragement, no feelings, just hooking up. But those things can get really confusing and go downhill really fast. in my experience being completely honest and open with each other is the best way to go.
    I think the best thing you can do in this situation is just straight up ask her what she wants, tell her to be honest with you.
    Also ask yourself the question what you really want. Just hooking up or do you want something more? Just so you can give her an honest answer as well.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 19, 2018 at 9:16 pm #191434

    “Things got confusing so we sat down and talked about it.”
    “I wondered if she didn’t just choose to (bury her feelings) thinking she would leave town and that would be it.”

    {Be honest with yourself. Was it HER who initiated this conversation?}
    Rarely do both people want to stop seeing each other.
    One person states it and the other reluctantly offers to go along with it.

    “The day before I’m supposed to see her, she cancels, saying she’s got stuff to do.”
    “We talked a couple times after and it looks like she still wants to see me, but she feels cold”

    If someone WANTS to spend time with you they will MAKE time to do so.
    Sounds like she just wanted to confirm that (she could have you) IF (she) wanted.

    The next time she asks to see you tell her you have a date and move on.
    Don’t let her keep getting your hopes up and playing you for a fool.
    Life is too short to be playing games.

    “Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary” – Oscar Wilde

    L8412
    L8412
    Participant
    December 20, 2018 at 6:51 am #191458

    Well I mean I did initiate the conversation by sort of confronting her hints I had picked up that she might be getting attached. She admitted she was confused and then we sat down and talked about it. And we slept together right after that talk and a few more times after. And you know, my friend tossed that idea about her wanting to confirm that she still could have me if she wanted, like for next summer where we might both work at the same place again. I’ll tell you what I told him. Possible, but more or less plausible. Let’s just say that telling someone you want to see them and then coldly back away the day before is not the best way to ensure someone will still want to see you. You’ll tell me it worked or else I wouldn’t have written this post. But it’s a big gamble to take. What’s more, I did ask her why she backed away a few days later. She told me “seeing me in her new town would mess up with her head.”

    L8412
    L8412
    Participant
    December 20, 2018 at 8:31 am #191459

    (Stupid character limit). To put it simply: No, I do not believe that she’s in love head over heels with me. I do not believe that I’m just one guy amongst the others either. All those things she said and did, individually, they wouldn’t mean much. But if you add them all together, I just think they add up to a bit too much to not mean anything.

    Sierra117
    Sierra117
    Participant
    December 20, 2018 at 7:18 pm #191518

    Don’t think too much of it. This is assuming you don’t want it to get serious

    L8412
    L8412
    Participant
    December 20, 2018 at 8:00 pm #191519

    What do you mean? Quite frankly, I don’t know what I want. I I guess if she told me she had feelings and wanted to try it out, I’d be game. But if she told me she didn’t, I’d be able to draw the line and keep it casual.