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achristine55ParticipantJanuary 18, 2013 at 2:09 pm #20807
To begin with, I am so sorry this is such a long post, but I wanted to make sure I got all the important information out there.
Just some background info: We are both 23 and dated for about 6 months. He’s in the military and I work full time and I’m a full time student. He’s had a lot going on, and because of it there were 6 weeks where we didn’t get to see each other (he lives an hour away from me), but we kept in contact and he was always very reassuring, telling me that things were going to get better between us after we got through this tough time.
In the middle of December, I finally got to see him and things were wonderful between us. He promised we would never have to go that long without seeing each other again. He was so loving and reassuring, I felt really good about things and felt like we were finally making strides to bettering our relationship. He was constantly calling and texting me, telling me how much he loved and missed me. We saw each other twice, and made plans to see one another a few days later.
Something came up, and we weren’t able to get together the night we had planned. I was upset, not overly upset, but I was still disappointed I couldn’t see him and was worried we were going to fall back into the same habit we were in before and I wouldn’t get to see him for another few weeks. He assured me that wasn’t going to happen, and we made plans to get together 2 nights later. I saw him, and things seemed to be OK between us, although I will admit he seemed to be a little distant towards me (this was the weekend before New Years).
For the next few days after this visit, he seemed like he was going cold, wasn’t calling or texting me as much, but was still telling me he loved me when we talked. New Years Day we didn’t talk at all, which wasn’t unusual for us because there had been days before where we wouldn’t communicate, this had just been the first day since we had started seeing each other again that he hadn’t contacted me at all. The next day he sent me a text wishing me a Happy New Year, although it felt impersonal and he didn’t use any terms of endearment. I was afraid I was losing him, and (stupidly, I know), sent him a break up text. I told him that I felt he was going cold on me and I didn’t understand why, that I wanted to talk with him about it but I knew he had a lot going on. He didn’t respond.
Several days went by and I heard nothing from him, until I dropped off a birthday present I had for him at his house. I didn’t get to see him, he had just left, but we communicated a little that night because I wanted to make sure he had gotten it. I told him that I still loved him, and that I hoped that maybe we could talk sometime about things. He told me that we would talk once everything in his life calmed down, but that he didn’t want me hurting anymore until he could be more dedicated.
I had bought him tickets to go see one of his favorite musicians for Christmas, and the concert was the following weekend (this last weekend), so a few days after we talked about the birthday present, I texted him and asked him if he still wanted to go with me. He told me that this was why he had always asked me not to do these nice things for him, and I told him that I didn’t expect “us” to end so soon and this way. He told me that I ended it because I felt like he was acting cold and distant, that he wasn’t, that he was just trying to focus on getting things calmed down on his end so that if I’m still single he can give me what I deserve. I told him that I felt he was going cold on me, and that instead of talking to him and asking him what was wrong, I got scared and pulled the plug on the relationship, which I never should have done. I told him that I wasn’t going to beg and plead and kick and scream, but that I wished he would give us another chance, that we had already been through so much and I had stood by him through everything. He never responded, so the next day I sent him another text just telling him that I hoped he got everything worked out, and to take care.
That night he called me. I didn’t answer so he sent me a text just telling me that he had used his birthday present for the first time, and told me all the things he had been doing with it (it’s a bike). I wrote back telling him that was awesome, and that I was glad he was enjoying it. He sent me 3 more texts about it, but I didn’t reply. Two days later ( the day of the concert), he sent me a text telling me that he had gotten hurt for the first time using the bike. I wrote back several hours later telling him that’s what pads are for. Then, that night at the concert, he sent me a text telling me that he wished he was there with me because work was really boring. I didn’t respond. He sent me another text in the morning telling me he only had one more hour left of work he hoped. I responded a few hours later telling him how great the concert was, how much fun I had, and that I hoped he was doing well. He never responded. Three days later(yesterday), he sent me a picture of himself. No caption, no explanation, nothing said, just the picture. It took me a few times to look at it to realize that he had gotten his arm tattooed and that’s why he sent it. I haven’t responded.
This brings me to my question. I want him back. I made a huge mistake, and I want to work things out, but he has made it clear I guess that he doesn’t want the same. I have done a lot of reading, and I know the significance of No Contact. From what I understand, I need to not initiate contact with him for at least 3 weeks, that gives him time to miss me, then I start slowly initiating contact. But it’s so hard with him texting me every few days. I’ve thought about calling him and telling him that he’s made it very clear he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me, which I totally respect and understand, but that I need to move on and get over everything, which means he needs to stop texting me and he needs to leave me alone. That we can’t be friends and we can’t casually communicate like this. But I’m afraid that will turn him off for good and ruin any chances I have of getting back together.
So, I just don’t know what to do. I’ve always been there for him and been readily available, so I don’t know if I should make him come after me and chase me, or if I should set some boundaries and tell him to stop contacting me. I don’t know if I should pursue him at all? I’m worried if I just keep ignoring him or not responding so much to his texts, he’ll get bored, think I’m moving on, and in turn do the same. He told me when we first started dating he doesn’t pursue, but I feel like if a guy really likes you they will let you know, right? And I’ve made it clear that I love him and want to get back together, right? Help!
an artists logicParticipantJanuary 22, 2013 at 12:12 am #20874
No-contact doesn’t apply if you want to get back together. What you’re doing isn’t healthy for you, him, or your potential relationship. Be honest, open, and patient, or move on.
MaddieLineParticipantFebruary 4, 2013 at 10:47 am #21748
You’re contradicting yourself a lot. Seems like as soon as you read some bogus advice you thought to ignore his texts but can’t control yourself to not think those may be signs he genuinely wants to be with you. Even after your mind tricks, he still doesn’t want to commit. Leave him alone, you’re wasting your time, you’re holding onto something that was never there….you’ll find a guy who can give you the time and respect you deserve..
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