Idk what I should do

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Idk what I should do

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2018 at 1:18 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    TWill21
    TWill21
    Participant
    November 22, 2018 at 6:09 am #189687
    Idk what I should do

    I have written on here before about my depressed bf being distant with me. He would not take my phone calls and he would only answer my texts. He suffers from depression and anxiety. Since October, my bf has been behaving like this, so it has been almost 2 months of this and I am getting really tired of it. I am no longer sad anymore. Now I am just frustrated and angry. His moods and sadness left him quitting his job and shortly after his car started giving him issues. He spiraled down which I get. As his gf, I offered to help and be for them any way I can. He deliberately avoids me and goes out of his way for me to not help, b/c he says I help too much. I don’t know why that would have to include ignoring me…BUT whatever I guess. I was going to seriously break up with him, b/c the issues have been happening so long. He asked me to give him time to make things right. Last week, he received some news about his sister and all of that went out the window. He went back to being distant.

    TWill21
    TWill21
    Participant
    November 22, 2018 at 6:14 am #189688

    She lives in another state so I asked him to please let me see him before he leaves. We have not seen each other in almost a week. He said that he would beforehand too. I texted him the previous statement at noon and he did not respond until 4 AM to tell me that he left and he is there. He’s tired so he’s going to rest and whatnot. I cannot put into words how tired and angry I am with him. 2 years and you know I do not like you being distant but you CONTINUE to do it. Depression or not where is respect for me. We do not have to talk every day but more than once a week, especially if I know you’re going through something. How do I navigate this? I want to be so angry with him but I feel like I can’t. I am so mad. I can’t even think anymore…I have been going thru this for so long

    Aliya
    Aliya
    Participant
    November 22, 2018 at 10:34 am #189689

    !

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    November 22, 2018 at 11:21 am #189692

    Life is a (personal) journey.
    He is entitled to spend his time with whomever (he) chooses.
    You can’t live for someone else. You have your own life to live.

    If someone does not want to be in contact with you then move on.
    As much as you’re pointing out HIS issues you seem to ignore your own.
    Clearly you miss being his co-dependent, rescuer, or worse another mother to him.

    Out of all the men there are in the world you insist upon trying to hold onto someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
    Love yourself enough to start looking out for (you) and (your wellbeing).
    You’ve already flushed 2 years of your life down the toilet in a relationship that is far from being a fairytale.
    Most likely you are afraid of what your life looks like without you playing the “hero” in his life.

    Suffering is optional. If you are unhappy with how things are the solution is to move on.
    We are always where we (choose) to be. Stop making this about (him) and start looking out for (you).

    TWill21
    TWill21
    Participant
    November 22, 2018 at 11:55 am #189693

    I do not think you know how depression works. He’s not taking his medicine regularly and he has missed two therapy appointments. He isolates himself from pretty much everyone. I was angry when I wrote this b/c I am frustrated on how to deal with it. I agree that I may be codependent on some level. Like I also said, this is NEW behavior. So I did not “flush” 2 years of my life down the toilet. Our relationship has ebbs and flows like anyone else’s. His texts late at night are “Love you” at 2 AM and do not relate to what I texted before. So it isn’t that he does not want to contact me. He is battling depression. I am asking on how to talk to him and better support him despite my frustration.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    November 24, 2018 at 12:35 pm #189739

    I do know how co-dependency works though.
    Clearly you refuse to let this guy make his own decisions.
    You’re not his mother and you can’t live his life for him.

    The best and only thing (YOU) can do is provide him with a (professional therapist) or counseling services contacts.

    You say; “So it isn’t that he does not want to contact me.”
    And yet you also said he won’t talk to you. If he truly (wanted) to talk to you he would.
    Maybe you should go see a therapist for yourself and ask her or him what you should do.

    My guess is they’re going to tell you it’s up to HIM to take his medications, get counseling, and so on.
    A therapist may also be able to tell you how to best support him. No one can live for another person.

    As for flushing 2 years of your life down the toilet keep things in perspective.
    Be honest with yourself. Do you really see yourself dealing with this for the rest of your life? Marriage? Children?
    Clinical depression is a life long struggle even when one takes their meds!

    TWill21
    TWill21
    Participant
    November 24, 2018 at 1:01 pm #189742

    Lol, your opinion really does not matter to me. I need someone who knows how depression works. I don’t care about you stating you’re opinion, but you are not evening offering me advice on what I asked. I see a therapist myself. I have asked my friends and family on advice also. I just was reaching out to others about what to do. So I can get more that one opinion and access what I need to do. I said our communication was limited and that he was distant. You inferred that he does not want to talk to me. Like at all. Plus, your opinion on being with some with depression is not my business…Meaning I do not care. I asked how to deal with this and be there for him. I suffer from anxiety and depression too. It is different for everyone. I have been in therapy for a while. I am way more emotional intelligence that you could think, stranger on the internet. I.E. No seeking advice from a biased person like yourself. Thank you for your time but I will no longer be seeking advice from you.