I'm an extremely socially awkward and depressed person having trouble.

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I'm an extremely socially awkward and depressed person having trouble.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    Weedle
    Weedle
    Participant
    January 26, 2019 at 11:48 am #193502
    I'm an extremely socially awkward and depressed person having trouble.

    So the titles a little messes up due to 80 character limit the last part should be having trouble finding a relationship or date.

    So, I’m socially awkward, depressed(though I manage this well since I’ve lived with it for 20 years or so), have ADHD, Asperger’s syndrome, low self esteem, low self confidence and I’m an introvert. I’m laying everything down so I can get the best possible advice I’m a 26 year old male, between 6’0″ and 6’1″ 146 pounds as of last week, went to school for and got certified in welding, have a decent job in assembly and will be transferred to welding section within the next couple months, fully paid of car, hobbies cooking, gaming, reading, guns and a variety of outdoor of activities like hiking, walking, fishing, and would like a less light polluted area to use my telescope, I don’t smoke, do drugs, or drink alcohol(I don’t like the smell or taste). I’m really bad at making the first move most of my friends respect that I like to be alone most of the…

    Weedle
    Weedle
    Participant
    January 26, 2019 at 12:01 pm #193504

    time and leave me to my own and only force me out of hiding when I’ve been out of touch for too long and to be clear my 2 best friends are female but I view them as sisters and best friends not potential partners I’ve helped them with dating as well (go at advice just not acting on my own advice apparently ) and I’m to the point where I’m 26, never dated, still a virgin and refuse to use hookups or fling type things I want a relationship that has meaning not something based on sex. I’m really bad at sites fot online dating or social sites it’s been about 2 years since I even looked at that dating site I tried and 1 and a half years since I’ve been on Facebook (recently made aware Myspace isn’t a thing anymore kinda says a little huh?) So, any advice given would be helpful whether it’s usable or not. Or might be I’m just meant to be alone for life (my 2 friends get mad when I talk like that but maybe it’s true)

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    January 26, 2019 at 1:59 pm #193506

    Congratulations on your career advancement. You shared that you have ADHD and Aspergers. Were you clinically diagnosed and if yes at what age? Have you received any treatment or supportive education. Dating requires a person to have the inner strength to tolerate emotions and recognize the social cues of others. I can understand why you are more comfortable staying by yourself. It must feel safer. Kindly let me know a little more about your background as I asked above I will will be very happy to continue this dialogue.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    January 28, 2019 at 4:20 am #193552

    “I’m to the point where I’m 26, never dated, still a virgin and refuse to use hookups or fling type things I want a relationship that has meaning not something based on sex.” If you want something different YOU have to do something different.

    It’s probably unrealistic to expect to go from never having a date in your life to having a “serious relationship” overnight.
    Most people go through several “practice relationships” , casual dating, and one night stands before finding “the one”.
    Your only other option might be to find a church which has a “singles” group or join “Christian Mingle” or something similar.
    Maybe on there you will find the female version of you.

    Most women with dating and sex experience are not attracted to men who have neither.
    Most male virgins who date women who’ve had sex find it hard to stop thinking about their girlfriend’s past lovers.
    They hold it against her or want her to give them the number of men they’ve been with.
    Find some lovers or a virgin.

    Weedle
    Weedle
    Participant
    January 28, 2019 at 8:27 am #193514

    Thanks for the reply and congratulations! I was diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and Asperger’s around 6 or 7 if I remember right and received as much treatment as I could I’m higher functioning in ADHD and it’s gotten better with age and as for Asperger’s I underwent group therapy to help open up around groups though anything bigger than 5 people is hard and was a test subject for some experimental medicine that was supposed to help but results fail to meet expectations and failed the clinical trials. And I never had issues with school I was academically fine and as long as I was in the back my grade were fine.

    Weedle
    Weedle
    Participant
    January 28, 2019 at 8:29 am #193542

    Thanks for the reply and congratulations! I was diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and Asperger’s around 6 or 7 if I remember right and received as much treatment as I could I’m higher functioning in ADHD and it’s gotten better with age and as for Asperger’s I underwent group therapy to help open up around groups though anything bigger than 5 people is hard and was a test subject for some experimental medicine that was supposed to help but results fail to meet expectations and failed the clinical trials. And I never had issues with school I was academically fine and as long as I was in the back my grade were fine with A’s & B’s most subjects and C’s in math so little to no educational support except extended time on math exams/tests.

    *Also sorry about the late reply my phone wasn’t sending it on Saturday from work they had us on Mandatory overtime and Sunday was busy and just got home from a cross state visit to family I tried reposting the post off my phone 3 or 4 time*

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    January 28, 2019 at 9:28 am #193601

    Wow! You have worked through a great amount of challenges to become the independent man that you are today. You have a very good career, friends, and a relationship to family. I know this was not an easy journey for you and I hope you are proud of your accomplishments.

    So it sounds like you are feeling more ready than not to start to explore how to take your social life to the next step. Let’s start by simply clarifying a few things. If I had a magic wand and you could magically create the woman and the relationship of your dreams what would it look like?

    For example:
    1. When you say you want a relationship to have meaning, kindly describe what that would look like?

    2. What characteristics do you want the woman to have? (Looks, personality, likes, dislikes, career/education)

     I look forward to your responses and we will continue on this journey from there.

    Weedle
    Weedle
    Participant
    January 28, 2019 at 10:38 am #193605

    1. I want to share hobbies, a nice slow advance through the steps of said relationship, and someone who makes me feel better about myself (It’s hard to put in words I’ve never thought to explain it but I think this gets the general point)

    2. I am not picky on looks, race, or even career. I’m a person that judges inside rather than out only issues I may have is if she doesn’t like I have female friends (jealousy is fine but possessiveness isn’t I’d be fine if she had male friends as well so I expect the same in return) and as long as she’s not a hateful person(It’s hard to describe what I mean my family tends to do a lot of talking behind each others backs and they complain to their children about each other so kinda like that I’d prefer someone be straight up front with be even if my feelings are hurt it’s better to fail, know why, and try again than to fail have no clue and try again only to have the possibility of making that same mistake twice communication is important)

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    January 28, 2019 at 3:04 pm #193629

    What a great start. It is hard for anyone to put into words clearly what they want. However to get what you want this first step is very necessary for many reasons which you will soon understand.

    I restated your responses. First simply read them and thing about each one for a few minutes.

     

    a.     I want to share hobbies. (Your statement)

    a.     I want to have some common interests with her (Restated)

     

    b.     A nice slow advance through the steps of said relationship (Your Statement)

    b.     I am more comfortable taking it slow than rushing. (Restated)

     

    c.      Someone who makes me feel better about myself. (Your Statement)

    c.      Someone who accepts me for who I am. (Restated)

     

    d.     I am not picky on looks, race, or even career. I’m a person that judges inside rather than out. (Your Statement)

    d.     The substance of a person is more important to me than their physical appearance. (Restated)

     

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    January 28, 2019 at 3:16 pm #193631
    Reply To: I'm an extremely socially awkward and depressed person having trouble.

    More to come. Having technical dificulties

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    January 28, 2019 at 9:46 pm #193649
    Reply To: I'm an extremely socially awkward and depressed person having trouble.

    e. The only issue I may have is if she doesn’t like I have female friends. Jealousy is fine but possessiveness isn’t. I’d be fine is she had male friends as well so I expect the same in return. (Your statement)
    e. Trust is very important to me in a relationship. (Restated)

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    January 28, 2019 at 9:46 pm #193650
    Reply To: I'm an extremely socially awkward and depressed person having trouble.

    f. As long as she’s not a hateful person. My family tends to do a lot of talking behind each others backs and they complain to their children about each other. So kinda like that I’d prefer someone be straight up front with be even if my feelings are hurt. (Your Statement)
    f.You want someone who is honest and can maintain appropriate boundaries (Restated)

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    January 28, 2019 at 9:50 pm #193652
    Reply To: I'm an extremely socially awkward and depressed person having trouble.

    It’s better to fail, know why, and try again than to fail have no clue and try again only to have the possibility of making that same mistake twice. Your Statement)
    Communication is important to you. You want to learn from you mistakes and repeat what is working. (Restated)

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    January 28, 2019 at 9:51 pm #193653
    Reply To: I'm an extremely socially awkward and depressed person having trouble.

    SUMMARY:
    I want to have some common interests with a woman. (Restated)
    I am more comfortable taking it slow than rushing. (Restated)
    I want someone who accepts me for who I am. (Restated)
    The substance of a person is more important to me than their physical appearance. (Restated)
    Trust is very important to me in a relationship. (Restated)
    I want someone who is honest and can maintain appropriate boundaries (Restated)
    Communication is important to you. You want to learn from you mistakes and repeat what is working. (Restated)

    Okay. So let me know what you are feeling and thinking as you read this and then we will continue.

    Weedle
    Weedle
    Participant
    February 2, 2019 at 10:54 am #194019
    Reply To: I'm an extremely socially awkward and depressed person having trouble.

    Sorry for the late response work has been insane and the person in charge of ordering parts has failed badly at their job resulting in a free weekend! 🙂
    I feel all those could be accurately translated to what you restated them as with the exception of one. We don’t have to share the same hobbies I can pride myself in the fact I have a some of the most varied taste in anything whether it be hobbies(Indoor or Outdoor) or genres of book, movies, games(action, scifi, fantasy, romance, slice of life and anything in between), or even games(Adventure, puzzle, City Builder, Action, MOBA*least favorite*, simulators and every other genre). They can share their personal hobbies with me and I can share mine even if we don’t agree on liking the others hobby at least we gave it a try.
    I looked at them all week and studied what you wrote and want to say you understand people very well as what you wrote made most of what I wanted a little more clear to myself in an easier and more understandable..

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