I'm in a bad place right now.


I'm in a bad place right now.

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    April 8, 2016 at 3:56 am #97354
    I'm in a bad place right now.

    My marriage was in tatters. We were trying to force it for our kids. No trust, no communication. We decided to get a divorce.
    I had been very lonely and I mean insanely lonely, no one to even talk to.

    So I turned to online dating and apps. I have serious problems with self esteem and self shame, so I created an online persona.
    Used my middle name and a fake last name. To make myself seem interesting I also said I grew up in Ireland.
    I’m decent at an irish accent so I built a back story for the persona.

    I met a woman on Tinder. We started talking and the connection was clear from the start. We texted for a couple weeks, every day throughout the day and late into the night.
    Work and life impeded us from meeting for a couple weeks. When we did meet it was amazing how well we clicked. Lots of laughter and feeling of comfort.
    On an impulse I kissed her goodnight, it was earth shatteringly magic.

    April 8, 2016 at 3:56 am #97355

    We continued to text and facetime all day everyday and late into the night. We started to meet more and more often. We would talk for hours about everything and anything.
    I answered questions about Ireland from my back story, but 90-95% of my stories and experiences were mine. We talked about hopes and dreams.
    It was amazing how well we got along, and the strength of the connection. I dated alot before I was married and I have never felt a connection so strong.
    Neither of us wanted to rush into the bedroom. We enjoyed kissing and cuddling and laughing and touching. We discussed the strength of our connection with wonder and happiness.
    It was a whirlwind couple months. She went on a trip to Ireland with her parents and we continued to text and facetime each day.
    I would answer questions she had about Ireland (from google and other info from the backstory).

    When she came home, I picked her up at the airport, we spent the day and evening together.

    April 8, 2016 at 9:03 am #97358

    The fire and connection was stronger than ever before.
    We started seeing eachother and spending long hours everyday. We eventually ended up in the bedroom, the connection was perfect. I was clearly falling in love and she was close on my heals.

    I still hadn’t told her my real name or where I really grew up. I didn’t tell her about my kids or my ex-wife. But I had told her of my deepest hopes, dreams and fears. I showed her the person I am.

    I felt horrible keeping the secrets and so I went to her and confessed. Understandably she was furious and asked me to leave her house. I went home and answered her questions through text.
    She asked me to delete everything from our time together off my phone. I emailed her an explaination of some of my behavior and an apology.
    The following day she texted me and asked me to explain more. She was busy the rest of the evening and the following day she texted and said