I'm ready to be a parent, she's not.

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I'm ready to be a parent, she's not.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    September 9, 2018 at 2:56 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    rtaylor28
    rtaylor28
    Participant
    August 12, 2018 at 9:30 pm #181418
    I'm ready to be a parent, she's not.

    My girlfriend and I have only been together for 2 years, but I’m ready to be a parent. I just feel like it’s time to have that kind of experience, you know? I don’t really see a problem with it and it just feels like the most natural next step we should take.

    I mean we’re both in our late 20s, we both have jobs and enough savings, plus we’re madly in love. For some reason, she just doesn’t seem to want children. Does it have something to do with how Colombian women are raised? Maybe she wants to get married first, but we were never the most traditional couple. How do I open up the topic with her without getting a negative response? I realize it’s a sensitive topic for her, but I really feel like having a kid together is the next best thing to do. Please give me some advice!

    jdelossantos
    jdelossantos
    Participant
    August 13, 2018 at 4:55 am #181421

    don’t take it too soon. 2 years too soon . give her more time if she needs it . talk to her about it.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    August 13, 2018 at 7:59 pm #181504

    Most people ideally want to bring children into the world in a marriage not simply being boyfriend and girlfriend.
    Marriage generally means there is a form of security and commitment. There’s also legal benefits if things
    Just because she doesn’t want to have children (now) doesn’t mean she’ll never want them.

    Secondly your 20s is still pretty young. She can children into her mid 30s and possibly beyond.

    “I really feel like having a kid together is the next best thing to do.”
    “For some reason, she just doesn’t seem to want children.”
    Is this a “deal breaker” for you? If so she’s not “the one” for you.
    Move on

    What is the rush? Are you afraid the relationship is dying or she’s going to leave you? How will having kids improve your relationship? I don’t know of any couples whose love life became (more passionate) after having children or (less stressful).
    If you’re “madly in love” you should be feeling very secure about the relationship. Why mess up a good thing?

    rtaylor28
    rtaylor28
    Participant
    August 13, 2018 at 11:02 pm #181508

    I guess you’re right, maybe it is too early for her.

    rtaylor28
    rtaylor28
    Participant
    August 14, 2018 at 9:53 am #181509

    All your points are true; there is security, commitment, and many legal benefits from getting married, I just never saw marriage as a necessity to reinforce our relationship. Although, I get where you are coming from and how she could also be seeing the situation in the same light. I just feel that having a child together can bring us closer and is an experience that we both will enjoy going through together. If she really isn’t ready yet, I am willing to wait.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    August 17, 2018 at 11:04 pm #181887

    Most women feel like (marriage) will bring them closer to their mate.
    They legally become one: “Mr. & Mrs. Taylor” or whatever.
    It’s a major psychological promotion going from being “girlfriend” to “wife”.
    Not every woman is keen on being known as a “baby momma”.

    Society, family, friends, and the legal system give more respect to a marital union.
    Most children also prefer their parents to have been married even if the marriage eventually ended in divorce.
    Bottom line is if she’s special enough to be the mother of your children she should be special enough to be your wife first.

    Last but not least no couple should see kids as being “pawns” designed to secure their union or save their marriage.
    Ideally children should only be brought into a loving secure home to begin with. Think about what’s best for the child.
    No one who does not want children should have children.
    Childhood is tough enough without being unwanted by one of your parents.

    Best wishes!

    Carter
    Carter
    Participant
    August 21, 2018 at 9:48 am #182012

    Children need to have when you feel it from the inside. Motherhood should bring happiness and joy. Everything has its own mean.

    Noswad
    Noswad
    Participant
    August 21, 2018 at 6:29 pm #182146

    From my own personal experience you never feel ready – having a baby makes you into a parent by default – you sound like a really good guy – keep the course and stay with the argument.

    Jaker35
    Jaker35
    Participant
    August 21, 2018 at 7:08 pm #182149

    Yeah, seems to me you need to have a conversation, but in such a way that you are voicing your needs and not judging her or making it all about her and her ways. Whatever you, make sure to listen and hear her out. Go away and think about it if you both need to. You don’t have to make a decision on the spot, but it’s important to get the wheels turning to figure out if you’re ultimately both on the same page.

    NotThatGuy
    NotThatGuy
    Participant
    August 23, 2018 at 8:28 am #182302
    Reply To: I'm ready to be a parent, she's not.

    Well, if you’ve been dating for 2 years and you’re not on the same page about this then from my observation, of lots of couples, there are other key topics the two of you have danced around or avoided talking about for the sake of keeping a dynamic that is not tense with conflict. In my opinion… end the relationship, don’t just go on a break. Get perspective. It will suck, but there are just somethings that are slow caustic deal breakers.